Don't give up you've got so much ambition.
Today after school I couldn't take it anymore. I called my dad and told him somehow someway I was going to see him tonight even if it got be for 5 mins. So Frank let me drive up his truck, with him in it, and drop myself off. I walked in and he was sleeping. I didn't want to wake him up, cuz well honestly he works ALL the time. I walked in his room and it looked a lot different. It was very clean. First thing I noticed was that dad had an 8x10 of me on my 16th birthday right on his dresser. He even told me on the phone its us kids that keep him going. I woke him up, he was really surprised to see me. I don't know what kind of relationship we have. As little as we see eachother you think we would be strangers. So then we went to one of his jobs and I was gonna' help him, but the other crew had stuff out, and well we couldn't do the stuff we came to do. So we talked. I told him I love both him and Sherry. He admitted to me his mistakes...generally. I told him I'm glad you can admit that you were wrong. He also told me he can just sit down and cry. He was like I'm full grown man and I can cry. My father is not one to cry. I was like oh yea not that my teenage love oppinion matters but I sit down and cry about Nick often STILL. He was like I don't even want to. haha Then I said well Nick's a fucking asshole and I do. That made him laugh. My dad is seriously heartbroken. She came to visit D.J. tonight and he wanted to go back to see her. I gave him the advice that he must be strong. My dad is always determined, and always getting screwed over by assholes. He is going to get it together and I'm going to live to see that day that he does. Then we went to eat supper, but neither one of us ate. My dad and I are so much alike it's scary. I told him that I've been pretty shitty and I have no one to talk to about it. Seriously not even my friends get to hear ALL of my complaining of lifes problems. He thanked me for coming up. Today on the phone I knew I had to go up there. Candace kept telling me he's fine. Yea he is fine, but I know better than that to believe a stubborn Miller. I definately have carried on that wonderful trait. My dad actually talks to me, and that makes me feel good about life. I told him we need to schedule a day where I can see him. I'm so scared that I've already grown up and the position of dad has no meaning anymore. I sware if I ever lost him, I'd kill myself. I have told him that too, it frightens him, but at least he knows he is my world. My dad has worked his ass off, and one day I know it is truly going to pay off.
My poor father was also frightened by me telling him how the goth girl read me my tarot cards and I thought they were dead on. Which brought up doubt of christianity. That disappointed him. I was always talking to him about faith and stuff, and I think he was proud of me for it. But I'm not going to lie, and he always accepts me no matter what. I'll always be his daughter.
I spent most of time up there tonight crying, but I don't care. Thats how I feel and I never express that because then I'm stupid and degraded for being who I am. My mom didn't realize any of this tonight until I said I have no one to talk to except my dad. That pissed her off. Well it's true. If everyone wasn't so self centered around here that wouldn't be an issue. I told her I put on my smile for school and come home, and sometimes my smile even brakes while at school and I'm screwed.
fazha thanx for bein' here for me.
my mom just got of the phone crying and I knew it was about my aunt. I ran in there and asked whats wrong......"NOTHING" I was like don't give me that I know somethings wrong and I have every right to know.
Well jsut as I suspected my aunts got cancer.....and I've been saying that cuz I knew she had it again. she is intensive care right now, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. Cuz my aunt debbie died from it and I still have never cried about it. I feel that cancer is a terrible thing, and the only release from that is death in most cases. Forgive me for being morbid.
My poor father was also frightened by me telling him how the goth girl read me my tarot cards and I thought they were dead on. Which brought up doubt of christianity. That disappointed him. I was always talking to him about faith and stuff, and I think he was proud of me for it. But I'm not going to lie, and he always accepts me no matter what. I'll always be his daughter.
I spent most of time up there tonight crying, but I don't care. Thats how I feel and I never express that because then I'm stupid and degraded for being who I am. My mom didn't realize any of this tonight until I said I have no one to talk to except my dad. That pissed her off. Well it's true. If everyone wasn't so self centered around here that wouldn't be an issue. I told her I put on my smile for school and come home, and sometimes my smile even brakes while at school and I'm screwed.
fazha thanx for bein' here for me.
my mom just got of the phone crying and I knew it was about my aunt. I ran in there and asked whats wrong......"NOTHING" I was like don't give me that I know somethings wrong and I have every right to know.
Well jsut as I suspected my aunts got cancer.....and I've been saying that cuz I knew she had it again. she is intensive care right now, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. Cuz my aunt debbie died from it and I still have never cried about it. I feel that cancer is a terrible thing, and the only release from that is death in most cases. Forgive me for being morbid.