?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!!?!?!??
Know what's strange? Yesterday I deleted a few sentences from my entry about things I thought I had figured out, but don't. I thought all the confliction would float away by tonight - but it hasn't. I still find myself staring at the U of I's undergraduate admissions page.
Why on earth am I suddenly sort-of wanting to go there? Is it the money factor, which I never considered so seriously until I began operating under the assumption that I'll be going to Grinnell in fall? Granted, with the academic scholarships I'll be getting there, Grinnell is cheaper . . . for the first year. But what if I could graduate early from the U of I, with all my AP credit and whatnot? A whole year off of the tuition-paying thing would be really nice.
The thing about it is that I am suddenly kind of frightened by both the prospect of such an enormous school and the prospect of such a tiny school. Too bad there are no happy mediums, population-wise, among my college choices. It's not a matter of knowing people, although a TON of Mundelein kids are going to Illinois. Maybe it's wanting the big, exciting campus. At a small college, there are fewer people to get lost among, but there is also a smaller number of people in general. At a big college, there is something for everyone. It's just a matter of finding it, right?
I don't understand. I thought I had U of I ruled out last summer!
Again, I really don't understand my thinking. I've said "I applied to the U of I, but I don't really want to go there" many times in the past months with confidence, so why am I all of a sudden questioning that stance? I don't feel this way about Lawrence or Macalester or anywhere, really (except Grinnell) - but with the U of I it feels sort of like I'll be missing something big (and not just size-wise) if I choose not to attend. I liked what I saw last spring break when I toured campus and saw the general atmosphere; I'm not sure if I repressed those pleasant memories or if I've been delusional (or if I am right now) or what.
I got into their LAS honors program. I haven't yet sent them the thing that says, "I have made other college plans and will be attending _______". It's not like any of the U of I acceptance stuff is a big shock; it was the first college I was accepted to and I received news about the James Scholar thing ages ago.
WTF?!
Help me, I'm scared of my own thoughts about college. :\
Why on earth am I suddenly sort-of wanting to go there? Is it the money factor, which I never considered so seriously until I began operating under the assumption that I'll be going to Grinnell in fall? Granted, with the academic scholarships I'll be getting there, Grinnell is cheaper . . . for the first year. But what if I could graduate early from the U of I, with all my AP credit and whatnot? A whole year off of the tuition-paying thing would be really nice.
The thing about it is that I am suddenly kind of frightened by both the prospect of such an enormous school and the prospect of such a tiny school. Too bad there are no happy mediums, population-wise, among my college choices. It's not a matter of knowing people, although a TON of Mundelein kids are going to Illinois. Maybe it's wanting the big, exciting campus. At a small college, there are fewer people to get lost among, but there is also a smaller number of people in general. At a big college, there is something for everyone. It's just a matter of finding it, right?
I don't understand. I thought I had U of I ruled out last summer!
Again, I really don't understand my thinking. I've said "I applied to the U of I, but I don't really want to go there" many times in the past months with confidence, so why am I all of a sudden questioning that stance? I don't feel this way about Lawrence or Macalester or anywhere, really (except Grinnell) - but with the U of I it feels sort of like I'll be missing something big (and not just size-wise) if I choose not to attend. I liked what I saw last spring break when I toured campus and saw the general atmosphere; I'm not sure if I repressed those pleasant memories or if I've been delusional (or if I am right now) or what.
I got into their LAS honors program. I haven't yet sent them the thing that says, "I have made other college plans and will be attending _______". It's not like any of the U of I acceptance stuff is a big shock; it was the first college I was accepted to and I received news about the James Scholar thing ages ago.
WTF?!
Help me, I'm scared of my own thoughts about college. :\