(no subject)

[claresxfkn_cute]

i know i confuse the hell out of everyone.
i even confuse the hell out of myself.
sometimes i just wanna say everyone:
"i'm sorry i'm not everything you wanted."
"i'm sorry i don't fulfill your every need."
"i'm sorry i disappoint you all the time."
"i'm sorry i hold back too much."
"why me?"

i don't feel like myself anymore.
may be a good thing? may be a bad thing?
i don't like who i was, but i don't like who i am now either.
i don't know anymore.
i put people down, especially those i don't want to hurt.
i compliment those i barely know, especially the ones i don't like.
what is wrong with me?
i don't know anymore.
and i think i'm getting sick again, which sucks.
i need to take care of myself better.
i don't understand the simple joys of life anymore.
it's almost like i NEED pandemonium.
i don't want it, but i almost feel empty without it?
i don't know anymore.

i'm no good at life.

i'm told i apologize too much.
i don't think i apologize enough.

on a lighter note:
last night was fun. the eighth played very well. that mansion was not as creepy as i hoped it would be. thank you for smoking is a hilarious movie.