Tonight...
Tonight I went to watch a firework display near me with some mates. It was good. We went on the bouncy castle slide thing, all the Mums were going "they are just rediculous" but we let all the kids go first, and anyway, we were having more fun than the kids and we made sure that they went first so whats the problem! Some people need to loosen up, I cant talk I know but nevermind.
The fireworks were quite shit, spent the whole night thinking and talking about Con, I miss him so so much. He said he needs to believe that I love him and wont hurt him, so first instinct was to tell him enough times so he maybe realises, but I realised there is nothing I can do, if he wants to be with me he will, if not he wont. Im used to being hurt I really can handle anything right now. Feeling so shit again and keep pretending that I am fine to everyone, which is doing good, I am actually happier doing that, and especially to Con. And more to anyone, except for when I have set backs like now, I also pretend I am happy to myself, to try and make myself believe it. Not too sure how much I can take to be honest, New York is over...there is nothing left to keep me wanting to go on, I just do not have the energy. Im not going to do anything, but it a thought which creeps into my mind far too many times. Ahh I duno Ive gone into all depressin shit again so I will go.
Bye
* Clare *
The fireworks were quite shit, spent the whole night thinking and talking about Con, I miss him so so much. He said he needs to believe that I love him and wont hurt him, so first instinct was to tell him enough times so he maybe realises, but I realised there is nothing I can do, if he wants to be with me he will, if not he wont. Im used to being hurt I really can handle anything right now. Feeling so shit again and keep pretending that I am fine to everyone, which is doing good, I am actually happier doing that, and especially to Con. And more to anyone, except for when I have set backs like now, I also pretend I am happy to myself, to try and make myself believe it. Not too sure how much I can take to be honest, New York is over...there is nothing left to keep me wanting to go on, I just do not have the energy. Im not going to do anything, but it a thought which creeps into my mind far too many times. Ahh I duno Ive gone into all depressin shit again so I will go.
Bye
* Clare *