this is the season of my discontent. perhaps just a day. maybe a week. but definitly discontent
it's days like today that make me want to cry. but i had to hold it in all day. i haven't got a good shoulder here.
lets put it this way. I'm tall, but small. the residents that i help get ready in the mornings can all over power me physically. well, except for one, in theory, but if she gets mad, then i probably can't stop her. well, one of the residents that i was supposed to be helping today decided that since she's deaf and blind, obviously she can't do anything. i'm supposed to take all her weight. I CAN'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!! i just wanted to plop down on the floor and cry. i come home to an empty house. there is no one to greet me, not even a pet. the only noise that happens at that hour is the noise that i create myself. of course, the way that this morning was going, if i had a roommate, then as soon as i walked in, that person would have been making demands on me. i want an impossibility. I want someone who can read my moods better than i can. they can automatically adjust to what my needs are, and they are able to adequately convey to me what their needs are. ok, even i can see that my ideal isn't fair. the other person has to do all the work of mind reading, and sharing their own mind. I'm going to agree with andrew right now: we need to develope telepathy.
i'm really tense and i can't relax.
i need to cry. but i'm stuck. they are not coming. i held in my hurt and frustration all day. and now i can't cry. I need a physical hug. virtual hugs are mentally nice. i need something physical, tangible.
lets put it this way. I'm tall, but small. the residents that i help get ready in the mornings can all over power me physically. well, except for one, in theory, but if she gets mad, then i probably can't stop her. well, one of the residents that i was supposed to be helping today decided that since she's deaf and blind, obviously she can't do anything. i'm supposed to take all her weight. I CAN'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!! i just wanted to plop down on the floor and cry. i come home to an empty house. there is no one to greet me, not even a pet. the only noise that happens at that hour is the noise that i create myself. of course, the way that this morning was going, if i had a roommate, then as soon as i walked in, that person would have been making demands on me. i want an impossibility. I want someone who can read my moods better than i can. they can automatically adjust to what my needs are, and they are able to adequately convey to me what their needs are. ok, even i can see that my ideal isn't fair. the other person has to do all the work of mind reading, and sharing their own mind. I'm going to agree with andrew right now: we need to develope telepathy.
i'm really tense and i can't relax.
i need to cry. but i'm stuck. they are not coming. i held in my hurt and frustration all day. and now i can't cry. I need a physical hug. virtual hugs are mentally nice. i need something physical, tangible.