My (probably self-indulgent) way of addressing something I've been thinking about all day

[clappamungus]

Comments

[mstakenidentity]

I've been thinking about it a lot, even out here. I think it is very hard for people (me included) to cope with the randomness of the attack. How much more comfortable for us if we could say "She shouldn't have been there, she shouldn't have been drinking, she shouldn't have been alone, she should have worn something different." because that puts the power and the blame in her hands, and therefore, in OUR hands were we ever to be in the same position. As the vast majority of us will never commit such a crime when we are identifying with it (as we inevitably do) we identify with the victim, and the fact that she (we) had no fore knowledge, no sense of danger and ultimately no escape is terrifying and tragic. I think that is far more why the victim blaming culture exists, more even than the patriarchy- because we want to be able to DO something and so we want to believe that there is something she could have done different. If only she'd followed "The Rules" she would have been safe! Being male you probably have never received a cope of the rules, I think I've been emailed at least 20 different sets in the last 15 years. They are mind boggling and pretty much all contradict each other, "Don't go out late but remember rape happens in broad daylight too, don't wear revealing clothes, but don't wear anything with ties or zips or tags that could be grabbed. Don't have long hair that could be grabbed, but also don't have short hair as you'll stand out, don't talk on your mobile- you'll look distracted, but it's a good idea to have your mobile out and handy, except you should never have anything in your hands ever!!!" The message that gets reinforced over and over is "Follow these rules and you will be safe, and if you or anyone else gets raped they obviously were not following them, so really, it's your/their fault." Only problem is as I said, there are more than 20 different sets of these rules floating about, and they contradict each other, so you can never follow them all- and there we have it; the only way to know how to avoid being raped in a particular situation is with hindsight. Jill Meagher probably got emailed those rules too. She didn't do anything wrong, she didn't deserve it, didn't invite it and in the end that didn't matter, it happened anyway. It could happen to me, it could happen to you, when he grows up it could happen to my son. Assigning the victim power only serves to make the rest of us as potential victims feel better and to make life easier for the few monsters out there who do this.

I don't think the answer is more security, more emphasis on the victim or even in this case more education of men/boys (though I'm all for that in most cases of rape where the victim knows the perpetrator and it happens in a date or even friends setting) I think the fact that there is no easy answer is one of the reasons the public is so fascinated and people on the left and right, with good or bad or misguided attentions, are attempting to turn her into a poster girl for their cause.

Obviously I didn't know her either, I hope her family can grieve and remember the good. I really don't know how you'd come to terms with this at all.

[vivienne_aster]

Like you guys, this hit me strangely as well. But yes, what Shayne said, and also what Chris said. I don't have much new to add.