a no good very bad day...and it's still here
I've had the shittiest day I've had in a long time. I was supposed to present a research proposal to the class today at 2:30. However, a major anixety attack prevented me from even stepping foot into the building. I finally went with Jess to campus and had her hand in my paper, presentation outline, and a note of apology into the professor's mailbox while class was going on. I had been a mess all day trying to finish up my paper, but when it came down to presenting it I knew I couldn't do it without having a nervouse breakdown if I started to speak. I haven't slept more than a total of 7 hours over the past 3 days and it's hard to eat anything but bread. Which of course doesn't help. It's this awful cycle. I'm actually surised my body has been holding up so well. Granted, I've always been a hyper, unfocused, somewhat impulsive person, but it never interfered much with school. Hell, I slept through highschool and was stoned for virtually half of my undergrad education. But my anxiety has gotten a lot worse since grad school began. It seems like no matter how early I start a project or how long and hard I study, I still suck. II'm making an appointment to see a doctor over winter break to see if he/she can shed some light on what the fuck is going on with me. I think I need some sort of calming down or focusing drugs. For real. I cannot wait until this semester ends!