(no subject)
my lethargy sometimes frightens me. however, i can say that for the most part, the cool weather has served it's purpose of perking me up just that little bit.
i have so much shit to do, it's no wonder that i never quite fit the more important facets of necessity before the lesser needs and desires. i have to focus more, demand that tiny bit of sympathy enough for a certain relative of mine to not tax my free time. i also would like for her to be the mother she needs to be, and advise me on certain monetary regulations. i won't know if she doesn't inform me. and i'd rather get it right the first time around to save myself the ache of debt and/or broken dreams. also, i would love it if she gave two shits enough to cart me where i need to go, so i can get shit done. once i have those very important things done i'll have the time to focus more of my energy on getting a fucking permit. otherwise, i can't lessen her burden--she should realize this. i've explained that enough to her.
i have quite some list of complaints smothering my intentions. it gets to the point where i would like to scream at people who shouldn't be screamed at. my anger is stifled enough to where i am quiet for a while, but after that silent moment, i'm a loud-mouthed bitch. but you, generally speaking, should know that if you treat me a certain way, you can expect a not-so-sweet outcome. i won't tape up my mouth. it's not my style.
i don't enjoy intentionally loud people calling out my name for attention and perhaps to embarrass me just enough to where i'll do anything they want just so they'll quiet down. i don't appreciate wagging fingers when they are uncalled for. wag your finger later, now is certainly not the time.
i hate that i don't have confidence in my mental faculties, that i think i'm a dumb hack with no talent. i hate that i am always down on myself and idolize others while lowering myself several notches. i hate that i need another individual to justify my existence. why do i need another person to make me feel i deserve to live? i don't know. i wish i did--i'd try to fix it.
i'd like to be selfish with my time, my intentions, and my energy/focus/motivation. i'd like to tell everyone to go fuck themselves with an rusty fork. but i'm not like that. i do care, i do love, and i do want to help others.
except my relatives. three of them. they can kiss my ass.
i have a research paper, as i've told a few people. and i haven't gone over the rules, haven't made an outline, haven't even gathered up evidences, nor do i know my direction or thesis. the rough draft of this research paper is due tomorrow. this is not good.
not good at all.
the grudge wasn't nearly as good as i anticipated. i guess it's because not many things scare me. they disgust me, but they don't scare me.
however, i did enjoy that throaty clicking the damned spirit makes. and the meowing child and cat. and the fact that the movie was based in japan.
i have so much shit to do, it's no wonder that i never quite fit the more important facets of necessity before the lesser needs and desires. i have to focus more, demand that tiny bit of sympathy enough for a certain relative of mine to not tax my free time. i also would like for her to be the mother she needs to be, and advise me on certain monetary regulations. i won't know if she doesn't inform me. and i'd rather get it right the first time around to save myself the ache of debt and/or broken dreams. also, i would love it if she gave two shits enough to cart me where i need to go, so i can get shit done. once i have those very important things done i'll have the time to focus more of my energy on getting a fucking permit. otherwise, i can't lessen her burden--she should realize this. i've explained that enough to her.
i have quite some list of complaints smothering my intentions. it gets to the point where i would like to scream at people who shouldn't be screamed at. my anger is stifled enough to where i am quiet for a while, but after that silent moment, i'm a loud-mouthed bitch. but you, generally speaking, should know that if you treat me a certain way, you can expect a not-so-sweet outcome. i won't tape up my mouth. it's not my style.
i don't enjoy intentionally loud people calling out my name for attention and perhaps to embarrass me just enough to where i'll do anything they want just so they'll quiet down. i don't appreciate wagging fingers when they are uncalled for. wag your finger later, now is certainly not the time.
i hate that i don't have confidence in my mental faculties, that i think i'm a dumb hack with no talent. i hate that i am always down on myself and idolize others while lowering myself several notches. i hate that i need another individual to justify my existence. why do i need another person to make me feel i deserve to live? i don't know. i wish i did--i'd try to fix it.
i'd like to be selfish with my time, my intentions, and my energy/focus/motivation. i'd like to tell everyone to go fuck themselves with an rusty fork. but i'm not like that. i do care, i do love, and i do want to help others.
except my relatives. three of them. they can kiss my ass.
i have a research paper, as i've told a few people. and i haven't gone over the rules, haven't made an outline, haven't even gathered up evidences, nor do i know my direction or thesis. the rough draft of this research paper is due tomorrow. this is not good.
not good at all.
the grudge wasn't nearly as good as i anticipated. i guess it's because not many things scare me. they disgust me, but they don't scare me.
however, i did enjoy that throaty clicking the damned spirit makes. and the meowing child and cat. and the fact that the movie was based in japan.