A Constant Urgency (corresponds also to yesterday)
Currently I reside in a state of dismay though shifting from a direction that attempts to conclude issues of the past to those that open for a better future. What I am about to discuss has no bearing on a particular person, group, or nation having instead a presence in ideology, thoughts that govern attitudes and actions to shield the mind from a complete perspective. An ostracizing temperament has graciously been dubbed my destiny directly contrasting my life struggle to overcome these forces. Dissenting and overlooked, a portion of these rules surrounding my entrapment I intend to bring to light before totally ridding myself of the disease.
A sad dark plagues my existence, irony that holds no bounds. Amongst observation, I conclude readily that I am obscured for the place to which I have fallen and no more, be wherever fate, disguised in it's cruelty, establishes that to be. Come with me to one such place. Journey out of your mind, body, and soul to find a land of dreams, love, and logic shrouded by the laws of social complexities and preformed judgments. What of your land I do not understand stirs what of my world that I do to hopefully find my position solid in the end. Not the case as though my desire, intense and rabid, drives me toward an obvious conclusion, even overt matters cannot stand firm against this wall enclosing my forbidden expanse.
So quickly opinions change, and so steadily their essence stays the same. Reactions amongst my companions are fluid in their mold, but never shall they change their matter. Allow me to refer to this as "The theme of the day." Yesterday's message focused around me as strange, odd, etc, though the willingness to understand my point did not make a display. Quite commonly, those associated with me talk of looks and cuteness, casting down those who possess deviances from their standards and praising excessively those who reach or exceed those expectations which are solely based on outward physical momentum while disregarding the inert being. Upon hearing "He is so hot!" or witnessing a nod toward a particularly physically striking individual, I immediately ask the question "Why don't you go talk to him?" or "Would you like me to get him for you?" implying that the person interested might want to get to know what is inside of that person. These questions are never heard, however, because the interest does not proceed to that level, a disappointing threat to me.
As mentioned prior, observing these things commences followed shortly afterward by subconsciously interpreting them as deciding factors in my upcoming motives. Now, I begin to see light at the end of this long enclosed tunnel. Maybe soon I can achieve acceptance and be liked? Almost everyone I have met over the course of the last few years including those I associate with now puts supreme emphasis on appearance, a fact that is believable when considering that we are encased in these individual bodies unable to see beyond the appearance of another upon first glance. We do, though, have processes at our disposal to which we can break this limitation allowing information from others to bleed into us. Some have tapped into this while others refuse to be unmasked. Currently, I am the center of a riot of negativity involving statements such as 'shallow'. Many over the short term of two weeks have altered their previous negative sentiments to a more socially justified negative outlook proclaiming that I think only of my body and appearance while, again, not taking the time to inquire my thoughts. Queer too how these figures envision me in this manner yet place everyone in an initial category based in what they now have decided to bring against me. Now, I am at a confusion about whether I am even wanted to be understood or if I will eternally be the destination for people's needed discrimination. I thought that once I had achieved that plane of physical perfection in my "own" mind's eye that those who look to these things would feel content for me and enjoy the event, on the contrary, they despise me more.
On this account, I give up and release it to them. I finally have concluded that there is no way to change those feelings once others have initially generated them. Since this is the hand I have been dealt, so be it, I'm moving on.
A sad dark plagues my existence, irony that holds no bounds. Amongst observation, I conclude readily that I am obscured for the place to which I have fallen and no more, be wherever fate, disguised in it's cruelty, establishes that to be. Come with me to one such place. Journey out of your mind, body, and soul to find a land of dreams, love, and logic shrouded by the laws of social complexities and preformed judgments. What of your land I do not understand stirs what of my world that I do to hopefully find my position solid in the end. Not the case as though my desire, intense and rabid, drives me toward an obvious conclusion, even overt matters cannot stand firm against this wall enclosing my forbidden expanse.
So quickly opinions change, and so steadily their essence stays the same. Reactions amongst my companions are fluid in their mold, but never shall they change their matter. Allow me to refer to this as "The theme of the day." Yesterday's message focused around me as strange, odd, etc, though the willingness to understand my point did not make a display. Quite commonly, those associated with me talk of looks and cuteness, casting down those who possess deviances from their standards and praising excessively those who reach or exceed those expectations which are solely based on outward physical momentum while disregarding the inert being. Upon hearing "He is so hot!" or witnessing a nod toward a particularly physically striking individual, I immediately ask the question "Why don't you go talk to him?" or "Would you like me to get him for you?" implying that the person interested might want to get to know what is inside of that person. These questions are never heard, however, because the interest does not proceed to that level, a disappointing threat to me.
As mentioned prior, observing these things commences followed shortly afterward by subconsciously interpreting them as deciding factors in my upcoming motives. Now, I begin to see light at the end of this long enclosed tunnel. Maybe soon I can achieve acceptance and be liked? Almost everyone I have met over the course of the last few years including those I associate with now puts supreme emphasis on appearance, a fact that is believable when considering that we are encased in these individual bodies unable to see beyond the appearance of another upon first glance. We do, though, have processes at our disposal to which we can break this limitation allowing information from others to bleed into us. Some have tapped into this while others refuse to be unmasked. Currently, I am the center of a riot of negativity involving statements such as 'shallow'. Many over the short term of two weeks have altered their previous negative sentiments to a more socially justified negative outlook proclaiming that I think only of my body and appearance while, again, not taking the time to inquire my thoughts. Queer too how these figures envision me in this manner yet place everyone in an initial category based in what they now have decided to bring against me. Now, I am at a confusion about whether I am even wanted to be understood or if I will eternally be the destination for people's needed discrimination. I thought that once I had achieved that plane of physical perfection in my "own" mind's eye that those who look to these things would feel content for me and enjoy the event, on the contrary, they despise me more.
On this account, I give up and release it to them. I finally have concluded that there is no way to change those feelings once others have initially generated them. Since this is the hand I have been dealt, so be it, I'm moving on.