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[youkohiei_fan]

CLAMPkink anon meme!!!
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Corruption (12/?)

[anonymous]

Suddenly, I find myself breathing heavily and quickly, chest shuddering, getting so close to coming. He keeps it like that and the only way I could feel justified letting myself, letting ourselves in regards to doing this is to keep seeing her just as I am lately. I’m quivering, I’m aching, but just at the pinnacle of this all, I can still see her bare in front of me. My partner, the woman I lost but still love all along is simply beautiful. She’s mine and I’m hers and I feel her coming close to me, giving me one last kiss just as I feel my pent up pressure release at last. Incidentally I bite hard and hear a loud hiss. Soon the images of her rapidly vanish and I have to open my eyes to see not blue eyes, but red ones that mirror my own.

Nothing hurts more than this.

I realize I was too invested, too hopeful all along that maybe somehow I could bring her back. I feel like an idiot for fooling my mind and my body, for letting myself get carried away with this, for letting him cater for me and letting myself use him to give the love I so badly wanted to give to her but couldn’t so he just happens to be the recipient. I don’t know what to do or say, but one look from him and I can see something too is running in his mind and the same sense of betrayal. Betrayal for that person he vented out to me earlier tonight. I don’t need to ask him and he doesn’t have to ask me. We’re eerily similar after all. He seems to understand without me or he saying anything as he slowly pulls out and I bite my tongue to stop myself from screaming. We had just used each other in more than one ways, when all along we were crying inside. And now real tears threaten to surface out of me in this silent, post-coital moment. In truth, we’re silently grieving. So I rest my forehead against his chests and he doesn’t protest at all. We stay like that for a bit, each mourning for whatever (more so, whoever) it is. The act has been done, and there is nothing we can do to erase it. Erase the fact that, at least on my part, I had sex with someone who I am actually not ashamed to run into. But he’s not her, and he can never replace her. And yet I slept with someone else besides her. I betrayed her.

I’m sorry…Fai.