My complication
It's like...he goes out of his way every day just to see me. we talk ceaselessly on MSN ad even daily on the phone. It's like he has to see me every day and hear my voice every day and yet we do nothing more ever than sneak small glances and quick pecks when no one is watching. I don't want to want him. it's too complicated...it's too foreign and yet I do. Despite the fact he was married 7 years...despite his 4 kids and that if he could would like more....despite the fact that he's inuk....despite his thinning hair, lack of blue eyes, and a 6 year age gap. But what hurts the most...is that he's not mine and I can't have him. At least not yet. But the longer I wait the more frustrated I get. En plus...I know I'm losing weight. I'm working hard at it. I'm feeling better and better about myself. But at the same time...when I went to the bar on saturday night I was quite literally surrounded by 4 guys at the same time. I was boxed in...each trying to show off and get me to go home with him/her. There was Serge the teacher....kissing my neck and giving me the heebeegeebees. He's rather creepy when drinking. Then there was frederic...who well I always love freds and I bug him all the time at work cause he always comes to clean the airport when I am super busy running around doing paper work. Therefore I walk on his newly moped floors. I think though he was more there for moral support for everyone's sake. then there was his buddy...new guy . He kept grabbing my hand and kissing it and telling me how gorgeous I am. I already knew he thinks I have incredible eyes. He said so when he met me at the airport for the first time. Finally there is Alix...who happened to tell my complication he wants to sleep with me. He also told the boys we were dating or went out or something. I told them all it must have been in his dreams. So why is it...I want what I can't have? And am frustrated because of it? I wish Josh would finally just admit he wants to date me instead of playing this waiting game which as much patience as I have...is running fairly thin at this point. I think I need to write more...