(no subject)
Apathy
I would have thought it would be a state of almost bliss.
I was wrong.
I still feel, I still hurt, I still think (worst of all)
I suppose it's not complete apathy, as I do care
But not about anything of importance
or at least not about anything that should be important
You would think that by now I would have learned.
How many years have I been torn apart by hope and expectations?
But really, that's all I know
Maybe I even enjoy doing that to myself.
Disappointment is not a pain I enjoy, though
One thing I have learned, is that my need for control in certain ways will destroy me
But I feel almost lost without it.
Maybe I'm just exercising it in different ways
Supposedly we all have facades, but I'm tired of changing all of mine
It's too exhausting going through so many in just one day.
And I'm plagued with the thought, "what have I done to myself?"
I'm retreating into myself, now that he's gone. It still amazes me what I would tell him
So now I'm left alone with everything
And it was all I could think to do
But it's not his fault-please don't blame him
I would have thought it would be a state of almost bliss.
I was wrong.
I still feel, I still hurt, I still think (worst of all)
I suppose it's not complete apathy, as I do care
But not about anything of importance
or at least not about anything that should be important
You would think that by now I would have learned.
How many years have I been torn apart by hope and expectations?
But really, that's all I know
Maybe I even enjoy doing that to myself.
Disappointment is not a pain I enjoy, though
One thing I have learned, is that my need for control in certain ways will destroy me
But I feel almost lost without it.
Maybe I'm just exercising it in different ways
Supposedly we all have facades, but I'm tired of changing all of mine
It's too exhausting going through so many in just one day.
And I'm plagued with the thought, "what have I done to myself?"
I'm retreating into myself, now that he's gone. It still amazes me what I would tell him
So now I'm left alone with everything
And it was all I could think to do
But it's not his fault-please don't blame him