...at the same time

[clairetrindle]

Is it not okay to date two people at once?
Where do you draw the line?
Is it at a few dates and you start being serious?
Is it when you have sex with both of them?
Is it when you start feeling guilty?

Let's talk about this.

Comments

[farasche]

In my experience it is best to express your current situation ( single, dating frequently, serious swinger, etc. ) to the person you are attempting to woo, at the beginning of the wooing.

Be as specific and explicit as possible. There is never too much information in this regard. Otherwise, people fill in the blanks with what they feel is going on, as opposed to what you may intend. This can lead to unnecessary drama and hurt feelings. Here's how one might approach this.

First date:

Just so you know, I'm only into having casual relationships right now.

OR

Just so you know, I'm a pretty serious kind of person and don't get involved easily.

Date that is not the first:

I'm feeling pretty intense about you, and I think I just want to be with you. How do you feel about monogamy?

OR

I feel like you're too intense with me. You do recall that this is just a casual thing? ( Though in my book, if you can sense that the person feels much more than you, it is your ethical duty to cut the chord )

I feel that any lifestyle is okay, as long as people are open and honest about what they want. The problems is that (a) lots of people aren't honest (b) even the ones that are honest, are often not honest with themselves.

I know my sister and I have talked about people who are players and said, "now what can't ______ just say that he's into polyamory?" But you know, he never will.

Anyway, that's my two- er- twenty(?) cents. And for what it's worth, I've been caught in the "Oops! I think I'm dating too many people" situation. It's especially awkward when they all know one another. I don't recommend it. But egos are difficult to dissuade from attention, are they not?