(no subject)
Alone, always always alone because I could never trust anyone because they could all be him any minute…
Strange he was the only one I really trusted, in a sick way since I believed everything he said… never doubted, never for a minute doubted, always knew
Because he told me the truth when everyone else always said they’d never hurt me and I knew someday someday soon they would
Only he said they all would, that he would and he always did
What he said I could trust because he was the only one who always told the truth even if the truth was terrifying and horrible
I remembered Quil sort of distantly like a fading sweet dream out of yesterday but he said Quil wanted to do the worst sort of things and I knew he was telling the truth
Because he always did
I was so afraid
I knew I couldn’t trust anyone but him
I knew he was telling the truth
I was dependant on him, not just because he was the one who kept me fed I would give up the monetary things in an instant to be free of him and all the pain and terror
No I needed him because I knew he was the only one who would never lie to me because even if he hurt me I knew I knew he would and I knew he would give me fair warning and I knew how to keep him away most of the time when I really needed to I could keep myself safe and that was more important than some silly daydream that someday there would be someone
Like Quil
Who would never hurt me
Because people hurt me it’s just the way my life is even the people who don’t throw the punches ask those questions and when people ask questions he gets so angry and I am so afraid
Always always always always always
Pain and fear with no end in sight because I can never trust anyone not now not ever there’s no way out not for me I’m stuck with him forever
“Claire?” the teacher’s voice calls and I run to follow because I have to and I don’t know what she’ll do if I don’t…
No, no no nononononononononononononono…
It’s him it’s Quil the stupid lying daydream
He’s come just like Daddy always said he would and he’s going to take me with him and do all the worst things and it’s going to be awful and I can never trust anyone and at least Daddy I’m used to dealing with I don’t know how to deal with Quil
Help someone help me
He stared at me with open eyes and horror in his face and I shuddered
I knew what was coming next
“Go on back to class, honey,” the teacher said and I ran away from him before he could lie to me, make me believe he loved me and wouldn’t hurt me made me believe there was any hope for me
because there wasn’t there wasn’t there wasn’t there wasn’t