SADD
I was just looking at Alicia's myspace, she had pictures of Derek. ugh. So needless to say I am not in the best of moods right now. Krysta has been hanging out with friends tonight. I always get so jealous when people want her to hang out with them. I guess I have a right to though, cause no one ever calls me wanting to hang out. Maybe that's because I don't have many true friends here, just a bunch of people to bullshit and watch movies with, and when the movie is over they leave my room, and I leave their thoughts. I asked Nathan if he would watch House with me tonight, he said yes, he never showed up, he even walked by my room a few times (my door was open) and nothing. I don't understand what it is about me..i really don't. I think he might even have a crush on Krysta. I think everyone likes her more than me, no one comes in here when she's not here, people might say hi, or linger in the doorway, but no one will come in to hang out. I think I have the same dynamic with her as I do with Kathryn, people love them, and I'm an accessory. Maybe it's because I have no idea who I am so I can't be myself.
Everyone has been giving me a hard time because I don't think I'm going to go out tomorrow (Halloween) I really don't want to dress up though. I don't know I kind of just want to sit in the room all night and fell sorry for myself. Everyone else has fun and I sit in my room alone.
I was listening to Adam's Song by Blink 182, I know it probably wasn't a good idea but whatever, and I was struck by how much it's like me..
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
yup that's me.
water has become my new best friend. i am determined to be skinny. i feel like that will make me feel better in some sick way.
I hate how lonely I can be even when I am surrounded by people. It's such a shitty feeling. I feel like no one gets me here, all the kids on my floor are freshmen so they're too involved with themselves to care about me. They're still on the euphoria of the beginning college, they're not jaded and bitter like your truely.
Sam told me about this band, Four Year Strong, they're good. I'm listening to them right now. Random.
yuck yuckkk
Krysta is watching a movie with Sam, this boy she is interested in, and he likes her back, and they're adorable, and my heart breaks everytime I look at them together...
I know guys aren't the answer, and I'm not supposed to let having a boyfriend make or break my happiness, but I know I would feel so much better if I had a guy, someone who gave me the butterflies, someone who i loved spending time with, who thinks i'm beautiful..fuck. that's never going to happen.
: ( : ( : (
Everyone has been giving me a hard time because I don't think I'm going to go out tomorrow (Halloween) I really don't want to dress up though. I don't know I kind of just want to sit in the room all night and fell sorry for myself. Everyone else has fun and I sit in my room alone.
I was listening to Adam's Song by Blink 182, I know it probably wasn't a good idea but whatever, and I was struck by how much it's like me..
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
yup that's me.
water has become my new best friend. i am determined to be skinny. i feel like that will make me feel better in some sick way.
I hate how lonely I can be even when I am surrounded by people. It's such a shitty feeling. I feel like no one gets me here, all the kids on my floor are freshmen so they're too involved with themselves to care about me. They're still on the euphoria of the beginning college, they're not jaded and bitter like your truely.
Sam told me about this band, Four Year Strong, they're good. I'm listening to them right now. Random.
yuck yuckkk
Krysta is watching a movie with Sam, this boy she is interested in, and he likes her back, and they're adorable, and my heart breaks everytime I look at them together...
I know guys aren't the answer, and I'm not supposed to let having a boyfriend make or break my happiness, but I know I would feel so much better if I had a guy, someone who gave me the butterflies, someone who i loved spending time with, who thinks i'm beautiful..fuck. that's never going to happen.
: ( : ( : (