(no subject)
Dear Claire Shepro,
I am writing to congratulate you on your acceptance to the International Academy of Sheep Shearing. I would also like to inform you of the scholarship you have won, entitling you to 3 years of free tuition (Senior year will have to be paid in full by you/your parents. Cost will be $3.6 Million for tuition and $2.9 Billion for housing) We here at International ASS hope that you will consider us when you make your final decisions for your undergraduate education and that we will be seeing you among the students of our class of 2010.
Sincerely,
Caroline Kleeman
Director of Admissions
Arkansas Campus, International ASS
Dear Madam,
Thank you very much for your offer of acceptance. I regret to inform you that I will not be attending International ASS in fall of 2006. Although this has been a difficult decision, I have instead decided to attend the Antarctica University of Penguin Milking. After much debating, I have finally decided that the field of Penguin Milking will have more job opportunities for me than the field of Sheep Shearing or Chicken Plucking. I also am attracted to the higher-education opportunities I will have at a full-fledged university. For example, I will have access not only to Penguin Nourishment 101, but also to Penguin Milking In Action, where we will cover advanced penguin-milking techniques such as how to milk a penguin while it is swimming at high velocities through freezing water.
I thank you for your consideration, and thank you especially for the generous scholarship offer.
Respectfully,
Claire Shepro
Dear Claire,
We are very sorry that you have chosen not to attend our fine institution, and we understand the draw of larger institutions such as AUPM. In fact, many of our applicants have turned us down for positions at these more prestigious institutions. But we would like you to know, before you do make your final decision, that these larger institutions are not all they are cracked up to be. Indeed, penguin nourishment 101 is taught by 2nd year students currently enrolled in penguin nourishment 201 and relies heavily on malfunctioning penguin puppets. We would like to make it known that all classes at our fine establishement are taught by full professors with PhDs in Sheepology and all classes make full use of our sheep barns, where we house some 17 sheep. Please take this into consideration before you turn us down.
Sincerely,
Caroline Kleeman
Director of Admissions
Arkansas Campus, International ASS
P.S. Please take into consideration the large amount of money you will save when you don't have to buy winter clothes or expensive plane tickets to AUPM.
I am writing to congratulate you on your acceptance to the International Academy of Sheep Shearing. I would also like to inform you of the scholarship you have won, entitling you to 3 years of free tuition (Senior year will have to be paid in full by you/your parents. Cost will be $3.6 Million for tuition and $2.9 Billion for housing) We here at International ASS hope that you will consider us when you make your final decisions for your undergraduate education and that we will be seeing you among the students of our class of 2010.
Sincerely,
Caroline Kleeman
Director of Admissions
Arkansas Campus, International ASS
Dear Madam,
Thank you very much for your offer of acceptance. I regret to inform you that I will not be attending International ASS in fall of 2006. Although this has been a difficult decision, I have instead decided to attend the Antarctica University of Penguin Milking. After much debating, I have finally decided that the field of Penguin Milking will have more job opportunities for me than the field of Sheep Shearing or Chicken Plucking. I also am attracted to the higher-education opportunities I will have at a full-fledged university. For example, I will have access not only to Penguin Nourishment 101, but also to Penguin Milking In Action, where we will cover advanced penguin-milking techniques such as how to milk a penguin while it is swimming at high velocities through freezing water.
I thank you for your consideration, and thank you especially for the generous scholarship offer.
Respectfully,
Claire Shepro
Dear Claire,
We are very sorry that you have chosen not to attend our fine institution, and we understand the draw of larger institutions such as AUPM. In fact, many of our applicants have turned us down for positions at these more prestigious institutions. But we would like you to know, before you do make your final decision, that these larger institutions are not all they are cracked up to be. Indeed, penguin nourishment 101 is taught by 2nd year students currently enrolled in penguin nourishment 201 and relies heavily on malfunctioning penguin puppets. We would like to make it known that all classes at our fine establishement are taught by full professors with PhDs in Sheepology and all classes make full use of our sheep barns, where we house some 17 sheep. Please take this into consideration before you turn us down.
Sincerely,
Caroline Kleeman
Director of Admissions
Arkansas Campus, International ASS
P.S. Please take into consideration the large amount of money you will save when you don't have to buy winter clothes or expensive plane tickets to AUPM.