[for Qui-Gon]

[claire_fraser]

The clinic was orderly and quiet, my lastest attempt at luring stray penicillin spores was resting innocently on a shelf, and my shift was almost done. I finished my notes on my most recent patients (including a detailed drawing of the splint I had put on James Lennox's hand), closed my casebook, and stashed it in the bottom of my medicine box. I

Comments

[forcefelt]

In truth, Qui-Gon had chosen the beach for similar reasons. Solitude seemed preferable to company just now, with so many separate but related stresses weighing heavy upon his manner and upon his mood. Xanatos had succeeded in placing himself foremost in Qui-Gon's thoughts, to his considerable if not unexpected irritation, and his worry on that front had somewhat overwhelmed his other worries about Obi-Wan's suggestions on teaching, Anakin and his extended family, and the purpose of the IPD

[claire_fraser]

Had thinking about him conjured him up? I half-turned in Qui-Gon's direction, though I didn't dare meet his eyes until I had composed my thoughts - he was far too perceptive, even if he often seemed to keep his thoughts to himself. Your face is like an open book, Sassenach, Jamie had said on more than one occasion. Every thought ye have is written across it plain as day for all to see.

"I'm off-duty," I said with a little shrug. "You aren't interrupting." He was interrupting, in a way, but perhaps it was a good thing he had; I was not sure I wanted my thoughts to continue down the path they'd started.

[forcefelt]

Despite her words, her tone suggested he might have chosen a better time--or perhaps he might have been someone else, instead. He took a moment to struggle with and defeat his immediate impulse toward contrariness, and decided to be brief.

"Interrupting your solitude does count as interruption, I think," he murmured, "but I dare not contradict you." His lips curved just a bit at one corner of his mouth, despite himself. He drew a breath, and the thought of Xanatos was quite sufficient to dampen his good spirits again. "Unfortunately I must warn you to be wary of someone...a...former apprentice of mine." He lowered his head a bit, looking out toward the sea, still uncomfortable with that particularly shameful confession.

[claire_fraser]

I had not known that Qui-Gon had more than one apprentice. He had told me of Obi-Wan, and had showed me Obi-Wan's padawan braid that he had found here on the island, but I somehow doubted that it was Obi-Wan he was warning me about. Hoping my face wouldn't give me away, I turned the rest of the way around to face Qui-Gon, curious. He looked distinctly uncomfortable, as if the subject of this former apprentice was one he would rather avoid. "Tell me," I said, moving a little closer to hear better over the surf.

[forcefelt]

Telling the tale to her promised to be quite different than telling the tale to Luke, though he could not have said just why. Perhaps because she needed no protection from the past or from the future, and he had no excuse to tell anything but the raw truth.

"There were three," he murmured, answering her unspoken question. "Quinlan was the first, Obi-Wan was the third. They both successfully achieved the rank of Knight. Xanatos was the second. He betrayed the Order, and he betrayed me." He glanced at her sideways, finally meeting her eyes again. "He is the one who has appeared here. He has shown something of an obsession with hurting those who are..." He had almost said dear to me, but to spare her any unnecessary discomfort he murmured, "...those to whom I am close."

[claire_fraser]

"I see," I said, and the slight hesitation at the end of his sentence was not lost on me. I wondered what he had been about to say, but I would not ask. Instead, I said, "What happened?" Then, feeling like it was perhaps too personal, I added, "Only if you don't mind telling me, I mean. I'm sorry, it isn't really my business, only..."

I looked down at my feet, my toes disappearing into the wet sand. "I'm having a hard time imagining someone betraying you, I suppose." I had come to respect Qui-Gon enough that I thought that anyone who would turn against him in such a way must have been a fool.

[forcefelt]

"Mm," Qui-Gon replied, a faintly grim sound of agreement. "So did I. That was my own pride, I suppose." And his greatest mistake. Sighing, he wrapped both arms around himself, speaking quietly but clearly enough. "I discovered Xanatos on his home planet, Telos. He wasn't but three, but he was powerfully Force-sensitive, even then. He was his father's only child, and there was some...hesitation. I should have listened more closely to my instincts, but his father agreed, and I brought Xanatos to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant

[claire_fraser]

I noted the momentary tension in Qui-Gon's face, and I had the impulse to touch him on the arm or something similar, in reassurance, perhaps, but I did not, instead putting my hands in my trouser pockets. "He had probably learned how to manipulate people already, even as young as three," I said. "Bright and clever, it would not have been hard for him to learn how. How long was he your padawan?"

[forcefelt]

"Thirteen years." It was quite a long time to be so willfully deceived, and he hoped she would not think too much less of him for it. "I loved him far too dearly," he admitted, with a low sigh. "When the time came for his Trials, Yoda had quite justified doubts about him. I quite obstinately insisted otherwise, believing he was questioning my judgment. At last, the Council informed us that there would be one last test

[claire_fraser]

I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. "I can't pretend to say I understand all of it, but I am glad you told me," I said. "I can't imagine that it was at all easy to have your student act as he did."

I did not like the bleak look in his eyes; it was a look I had seen many times in the eyes of soldiers when speaking of things they had done (or wished they had done). It was that, perhaps, that made me put my hand on his arm as I had meant to do earlier. A small gesture, but hopefully an understanding one.

[forcefelt]

An appreciated one, in any case, and after a moment Qui-Gon covered her hand with his. Strange that even here, without the outward enforcement of the Code or the Council, his life was still so frequently devoid of touch.

"He did worse, during the years of Obi-Wan's apprenticeship," he said, quietly grim. "By all rights he is a mass murderer, a terrorist, and an assassin...though perhaps he has not lived all of those events yet himself." He watched her eyes for a moment. "He is tall, with black hair and blue eyes. On his cheek there is a scar--a broken circle."

Make the past meet the future, and the circle will be unbroken again.

"Be wary of him," he murmured. His eyes gentled a bit despite the tense angle of his jaw. "Please."

[claire_fraser]

For a fraction of a second, I was startled by the touch of Qui-Gon's hand on mine, as I was not expecting it, but I did not draw it away. I thought I should, but found I could not.

"Black hair, blue eyes, and a scar like a broken circle on his cheek," I repeated, half to myself. "I will be on the lookout for him, I promise. Though..." I hesitated, then added carefully, "If he turns up in the clinic by some chance, and there are no other doctors on duty, I will still be obligated to treat him, no matter how dangerous he may be."

[forcefelt]

"No, that I understand." The scenario hardly pleased him, but he did understand her obligations, and he would not underestimate them if possible. "He would not threaten you openly." That was hardly so subtle as Xanatos generally thought himself.

He should not still be touching her. They both knew that, quite plainly enough. Drawing back still pained him, almost a physical ache. "Thank you," he murmured, watching her eyes for a long moment. "For hearing me." Not merely for listening--even without the Force, he could sense a deeper connection between them than that implied.

[claire_fraser]

"You're welcome," I said as he stepped back. I knew some distance was necessary, and I had stepped back myself, but the feeling as I did so was another unsettling one. The silver and gold bands of my wedding rings felt very heavy on my fingers just then.

"Any time you wish to talk, I would hear you," I added honestly. And that was not merely because I was fascinated by everything Qui-Gon had to say about his world, either.