Jan. 12th, 2009
I... I can't do it. I can't do this... I can't, I can't, I can't.
I can't go to school. I can't pretend this is okay. I can't smile, I can't stop crying, I can't go to school, I can't go to work, I can't leave this room, I can't eat because it would mean leaving, it would mean I would be doing it alone, I can't be alone, I don't want to be alone like this, why did he leave me alone like this... I can't leave this room, he lingers here, I can't leave...
I can't leave this place because... because if I open my eyes just one more time... he'll be back. I know he'll be back. Why isn't he back? Why isn't he back?
HE PROMISED!
No more nightmare, no more nightmare, please... please... and god won't listen, he won't. I keep begging and he won't listen.
I can't listen to anything anymore... the sound of tears, cry of my violin, pen screeching over the paper, my breath, too loud, too loud. I want to hear the sound of his breathing next to me, I want to hear him mouthing off, pissing me off, being a dick, telling me what I need to hear, completing me, being my best friend, my chaos, my heart, the other half of what I cannot begin to understand, yin to my fucking yang, moon to the fucking sky, bullet to my gun, blood to my knife, my companion, my partner in crime, my everything, and someone took my everything away from me.
Took my everything...
YOU TOOK IT AWAY!
Just make the nightmare stop...
Please...
...let me wake up.
I can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it, it hurts, god it hurts, make the pain stop, I believe in love, and love is supposed to prevail, love is supposed to save us, not... it hurts... I can't... just make it stop, wake up, wake up...
[[OOC: For those of you who don't know, Hester set up Jan fight club style and got him thrown in jail. My little, unstable Jinx isn't doing so hot, especially since Jan promised he would never leave.]]
I can't go to school. I can't pretend this is okay. I can't smile, I can't stop crying, I can't go to school, I can't go to work, I can't leave this room, I can't eat because it would mean leaving, it would mean I would be doing it alone, I can't be alone, I don't want to be alone like this, why did he leave me alone like this... I can't leave this room, he lingers here, I can't leave...
I can't leave this place because... because if I open my eyes just one more time... he'll be back. I know he'll be back. Why isn't he back? Why isn't he back?
HE PROMISED!
No more nightmare, no more nightmare, please... please... and god won't listen, he won't. I keep begging and he won't listen.
I can't listen to anything anymore... the sound of tears, cry of my violin, pen screeching over the paper, my breath, too loud, too loud. I want to hear the sound of his breathing next to me, I want to hear him mouthing off, pissing me off, being a dick, telling me what I need to hear, completing me, being my best friend, my chaos, my heart, the other half of what I cannot begin to understand, yin to my fucking yang, moon to the fucking sky, bullet to my gun, blood to my knife, my companion, my partner in crime, my everything, and someone took my everything away from me.
Took my everything...
YOU TOOK IT AWAY!
Just make the nightmare stop...
Please...
...let me wake up.
I can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it, it hurts, god it hurts, make the pain stop, I believe in love, and love is supposed to prevail, love is supposed to save us, not... it hurts... I can't... just make it stop, wake up, wake up...
[[OOC: For those of you who don't know, Hester set up Jan fight club style and got him thrown in jail. My little, unstable Jinx isn't doing so hot, especially since Jan promised he would never leave.]]