Get Over Yourself.
You know who I hate?
Those douche bags who create groups on Facebook for people to give them their phone numbers. I mean, really*?
The Title: There's even attitude in the title. Ex: "Numbers please!", "Need Numbers". It's so demanding! I can picture them saying that with their hand stretched out and contracting their fingers in a grabbing motion, à la Stephen Colbert when he asks for a "Noble Prize, please!". Yeah, except when he does it, it's actually comical. Not behavior typical of a whiny douche. (My word of the day, evidently.) Then you have those Humorous Hoovers. You know, those people who try to be clever and make a funny title. Ex: Phone trampled by an elephant, swallowed by a bear, kicked by David Beckham. Need numbers." Give me a break. That is simply not funny. It's not even cute. Go and make sure you never do something in your life that requires any sort of comedic flair. Next up, the Flashy Frederics. I don't know about anyone else's experiences with these arrogant SOB's, but sometimes people try to class up the title and brag about why they need phone numbers. Ex: Dropped phone in a hot tub, need numbers!", or "New iPhone fools, need numbers!". Stop bragging. No one cares. In the former, it's usually a girl who uses that title. They're trying to give a classy image of themselves half naked in a hot tub at some high up and fancy party, probably sipping some sort of lame alcoholic beverage. An appletini, perhaps. Then you have some douchey (Third use of the word) frat kid who wants to brag about the phone that he now has, just like everyone else in the world. The last group, I'm sure we all know them, are called the Covert Collins. These are the people who claim that they hate the numbers groups, and use a title either cleverly disguising the intent of their group, or something completely unrelated to it. Ex: "Super secret amazing society of awesomeness!" or, "srebmun deen, enohp weN" (Backwards, of course.) These people are in the same family as the Humorous Hoovers I would say, just not as forthright. In fact, perhaps they are the worst of them all. They say that they hate numbers groups, and yet they make one anyway! Why?! I have a solution for you, DON'T MAKE A NUMBERS GROUP. This leads me to my next point.
Unnecessity: How lazy are you? Honestly, how lazy can you be? I bet your parents clean up after you. I bet you grew up with maid. I bet you're a spoiled douche. (4) Can you look me in the eye and tell me that it is too much work for you to scroll through your contacts list on your old phone, and punch in those people's names and numbers on your new phone? Whats this, a novelty idea! Why don't you try it sometime! If you can honestly tell me this, my first instinct is to say, "Good for you." But that's wrong. That's not actually good for you. It's actually bad for you. If you're one of those people who is unfortunate enough to have lost or ruined your old phone, I have a solution for you too. Why don't you just ask your friends? You know, when you see them in person. The internet is simply a middle man, you don't need to use it.
Arrogance: Honestly, does anyone think that they are important enough to make a whole group only for their selfish purposes? Because guess what- you aren't. Not just for phone numbers.
I think that just about covers all of the bases.
In short: Please, do not be that douche bag (5) who creates a group on Facebook just to obtain the phone numbers of your friends. Nobody likes those people. I assure you, no one does. Don't do it.
*I love using italics. Because I'm sure you wanted to know.
*Douche bag count: 5
Those douche bags who create groups on Facebook for people to give them their phone numbers. I mean, really*?
The Title: There's even attitude in the title. Ex: "Numbers please!", "Need Numbers". It's so demanding! I can picture them saying that with their hand stretched out and contracting their fingers in a grabbing motion, à la Stephen Colbert when he asks for a "Noble Prize, please!". Yeah, except when he does it, it's actually comical. Not behavior typical of a whiny douche. (My word of the day, evidently.) Then you have those Humorous Hoovers. You know, those people who try to be clever and make a funny title. Ex: Phone trampled by an elephant, swallowed by a bear, kicked by David Beckham. Need numbers." Give me a break. That is simply not funny. It's not even cute. Go and make sure you never do something in your life that requires any sort of comedic flair. Next up, the Flashy Frederics. I don't know about anyone else's experiences with these arrogant SOB's, but sometimes people try to class up the title and brag about why they need phone numbers. Ex: Dropped phone in a hot tub, need numbers!", or "New iPhone fools, need numbers!". Stop bragging. No one cares. In the former, it's usually a girl who uses that title. They're trying to give a classy image of themselves half naked in a hot tub at some high up and fancy party, probably sipping some sort of lame alcoholic beverage. An appletini, perhaps. Then you have some douchey (Third use of the word) frat kid who wants to brag about the phone that he now has, just like everyone else in the world. The last group, I'm sure we all know them, are called the Covert Collins. These are the people who claim that they hate the numbers groups, and use a title either cleverly disguising the intent of their group, or something completely unrelated to it. Ex: "Super secret amazing society of awesomeness!" or, "srebmun deen, enohp weN" (Backwards, of course.) These people are in the same family as the Humorous Hoovers I would say, just not as forthright. In fact, perhaps they are the worst of them all. They say that they hate numbers groups, and yet they make one anyway! Why?! I have a solution for you, DON'T MAKE A NUMBERS GROUP. This leads me to my next point.
Unnecessity: How lazy are you? Honestly, how lazy can you be? I bet your parents clean up after you. I bet you grew up with maid. I bet you're a spoiled douche. (4) Can you look me in the eye and tell me that it is too much work for you to scroll through your contacts list on your old phone, and punch in those people's names and numbers on your new phone? Whats this, a novelty idea! Why don't you try it sometime! If you can honestly tell me this, my first instinct is to say, "Good for you." But that's wrong. That's not actually good for you. It's actually bad for you. If you're one of those people who is unfortunate enough to have lost or ruined your old phone, I have a solution for you too. Why don't you just ask your friends? You know, when you see them in person. The internet is simply a middle man, you don't need to use it.
Arrogance: Honestly, does anyone think that they are important enough to make a whole group only for their selfish purposes? Because guess what- you aren't. Not just for phone numbers.
I think that just about covers all of the bases.
In short: Please, do not be that douche bag (5) who creates a group on Facebook just to obtain the phone numbers of your friends. Nobody likes those people. I assure you, no one does. Don't do it.
*I love using italics. Because I'm sure you wanted to know.
*Douche bag count: 5