wtf mate
god, my life is fucked up at times. I'm single now in a very real way. Lisa broke up with me and I guess it was just long overdue. Now I'm alone and so lonely again. I know I can find someone else but I don't want anyone. I feel like everyone's bullshit and just after something right now. I find solace only in music and inebriation. I want to carve something out of this life for myself but I haven't the foggiest idea where to begin. I want to fight for something greater than myself. I want to stand for something. I'd like it to be love, laughter, and truth. I am not in a good way being around Lisa all the time because I know she's doing the smart thing I am and trying to move on. I see her planting seeds and I have to be fair enough to recognize I've already begun as well. I don't know how hard it will be for her to see me with someone new, but I know how hard it will be for me to see her with anyone not me. I kind of hope I find someone first. No offense Lisa.
I had a cool little thing happen to me tonight. I work in a restaurant in Des Moines and M. Shawn Crahan of Slipknot, To My Surprise, and the Dirty Little Rabbits came in with his family and had dinner. This man is one of my heroes and instead of pestering him for an autograph or a picture I just told him I was a big fan as he left. He said thank you and left. Not much of a story I know but it was as inspirational to me as meeting McNeil or Ginsburg. One of my heroes I'm lucky enough to be pretty good friends with. I'm looking forward to seeing him sometime in the coming months. My old roommate Jenn and I are planning a trip to Texas to see some mutual friends there. It's been good to see her again, though it always kindles an almost completely dormant ember or two or emotions I never resolved. Still, she's been as nurturing and supportive of me as ever in this time when I need sort of unconditional acceptance. She's a wonderful friend in that capacity.
I rarely stop and do the retrospective thing. I'm nearly 23 and I'm little closer to achieving what I want to in this life. I'm going to go insane here in "The Shire." I don't know how much longer I can maintain so many different identities in this carapace head of mine. I am no incapable of sleeping. I've listened to Slipknot and To My Surprise tonight out of respect for meeting the man who I feel is one of the driving creative forces two of my favorite bands, one of which is arguably the most brutal yet cathartic heavy metal acts ever to exorcise the demons of fury and dissatisfaction that ruminate within us all. I wish my writing made more sense to people besides myself but then I'd more than likely hate that as well, citing some jargon about writing specifically so people would comprehend it in some simpler capacity which wouldn't be honest to myself as a creator and therefore an insult to my audience, etc.
Well, I don't know how many words I can fit in here before it stops me so I should try to get some rest and finish this bottle of seagrams. Stay sic motherfuckers.
I had a cool little thing happen to me tonight. I work in a restaurant in Des Moines and M. Shawn Crahan of Slipknot, To My Surprise, and the Dirty Little Rabbits came in with his family and had dinner. This man is one of my heroes and instead of pestering him for an autograph or a picture I just told him I was a big fan as he left. He said thank you and left. Not much of a story I know but it was as inspirational to me as meeting McNeil or Ginsburg. One of my heroes I'm lucky enough to be pretty good friends with. I'm looking forward to seeing him sometime in the coming months. My old roommate Jenn and I are planning a trip to Texas to see some mutual friends there. It's been good to see her again, though it always kindles an almost completely dormant ember or two or emotions I never resolved. Still, she's been as nurturing and supportive of me as ever in this time when I need sort of unconditional acceptance. She's a wonderful friend in that capacity.
I rarely stop and do the retrospective thing. I'm nearly 23 and I'm little closer to achieving what I want to in this life. I'm going to go insane here in "The Shire." I don't know how much longer I can maintain so many different identities in this carapace head of mine. I am no incapable of sleeping. I've listened to Slipknot and To My Surprise tonight out of respect for meeting the man who I feel is one of the driving creative forces two of my favorite bands, one of which is arguably the most brutal yet cathartic heavy metal acts ever to exorcise the demons of fury and dissatisfaction that ruminate within us all. I wish my writing made more sense to people besides myself but then I'd more than likely hate that as well, citing some jargon about writing specifically so people would comprehend it in some simpler capacity which wouldn't be honest to myself as a creator and therefore an insult to my audience, etc.
Well, I don't know how many words I can fit in here before it stops me so I should try to get some rest and finish this bottle of seagrams. Stay sic motherfuckers.