Oh, to be old-beyond-my-years and smartassed again
I wish I could know I was vastly more intelligent than all around me. It would be so fun to hate everything that doesn't immediately mesh with my perspective, which is light years ahead of the idiots I'd be living with. I'd love to be uncomfortable enough with who I am to lash out at anyone and everyone that so much as slightly inconveniences me, or makes me a little uncomfortable. That would make me so far superior to everyone, and would justify my complete lack of manners and politeness.
Whatever, though, right? Because no matter how much they say or act like it, or appreciate me being around, or consider me a close friend, I still get the right to be an insufferable prick at my whim, despite how it makes those who "care" about me feel. I'll just bottle up the truth until I can't stand myself anymore, then no one else will be able to either, even those I genuinely care for. But it's my choice, so if I want to be miserable, I will. I guess I like being miserable, makes it easier to be mad and surly. Then I can do whatever I want, because no one will be able to crack the impermeable barrier of self-loathing and shameful pride I have surrouned myself in, be it through words, actions, being a friend through all my horseshit, what have you. I'll continue pushing everyone away until they don't want to try to love me anymore. That'd be awesome, right? Oh...wait...
Whatever, though, right? Because no matter how much they say or act like it, or appreciate me being around, or consider me a close friend, I still get the right to be an insufferable prick at my whim, despite how it makes those who "care" about me feel. I'll just bottle up the truth until I can't stand myself anymore, then no one else will be able to either, even those I genuinely care for. But it's my choice, so if I want to be miserable, I will. I guess I like being miserable, makes it easier to be mad and surly. Then I can do whatever I want, because no one will be able to crack the impermeable barrier of self-loathing and shameful pride I have surrouned myself in, be it through words, actions, being a friend through all my horseshit, what have you. I'll continue pushing everyone away until they don't want to try to love me anymore. That'd be awesome, right? Oh...wait...