Bad Day

[ckw_7]

Well, I didn't get to go to the hospital last night. I was still feeling really crappy when JJ came home and he put the skid on that. He said that if I don't take care of myself too, that I won't be any good to her. We both had bad days yesterday, seems. I called to check on her three times. She lost almost an ounce, and she's not doing so hot on

Comments

[sarakenobi]

she will get there Carla, don't worry. and I know you know logically that it wasn't your fault but you gotta really start believing it. beating yoruself up about it isn't going to change anything and she will get home soon. she will gain weight! infants - no matter how small-- gain and lose while BFing! i hope she stops spitting up so much :( I'm so sorry you are going through this! soon it will be all like a bad dream I promise.

[ckw_7]

I just got off the phone with the NICU. She lost another half an ounce last night. I don't care what JJ says. I'm going up there. IF I have to drive myself, I'm going up there. This is driving me crazy.

[sarakenobi]

you also need to focus on getting better yourself!

[chrispina]

she's going to have some little setbacks like this. her weight will go up and down. it's the same for every baby. so she likes the boob over the bottle? smart girl!

your immune system is going to be weakened while you are nursing full time. your breastmilk is taking antibodies and giving them to sabrina. she needs them more than you do right now, so you just have to muscle through it. get enough to eat. if you aren't eating or pumping, you should be sleeping. that's your only job right now. sleep while you can because you won't be sleeping much when she comes home ;)

she only made it as far as she did because of how well you took care of her. if she had come even a week earlier, her battle would be so much harder right now. now she's getting bigger and stronger because of how hard you are working. you should be very proud of yourself.

[ckw_7]

I just keep thinking there's more I can do!! And she lost again last night. I need to get this milk stockpile to her and get her off that formula. I don't know how I know, but I just know that has something to do with it.

[chrispina]

i wish i was there. do you know anyone who could take you up there during the day?

[ckw_7]

today, all I can do is try not to drive myself crazy for the next six hours. I can't even eat anything besides oatmeal without indigestion, and it's because my nerves are raw. I was thanking the lord last night that Tums had lots of calcium. :P starting tomorrow whether jj likes it or not, I"m staying up at the hospital while he's at work. It's not gonna be easy, but I figure if I'm quiet, and sitting most of the time, and I bring my pump, I should be fine. I can come home when he's off work and sleep. It will ease my mind to be up there with her. Perhaps easing my mind will do more to lower my blood pressure too? I hope. I'm scared and I'm worried, that's what's causing me to fall out like I have been. And I can't figure out how to relax. The only time I feel at peace is when I can see her, and know for myself that her color is good, and her alert times are good, and her feedings are productive.

[honey_bear79]

I wish I could be there for you more than I am.. if I wasn't having to work I'd be there in a heartbeat...and you know this.. Honestly, I'm a firm believer that she may be drawing strength from you as well... not only with the breastfeeding but with you just being there. I hope JJ will cooperate with you on that... Let me know what I can do in the meantime - we're both praying for you guys over here.

I know she will be home soon.. my SIL was born 3 lbs and 2 oz and in the hospital for 3 months before she was able to come home but she's 24 now and perfectly healthy... it will happen for you and Sabrina will be a happy and healthy baby.

Love.

[ckw_7]

I know you would if you could, sweetheart and that means so much to me. I honestly thank God every day that we met. You're such a help to me mentally. You have no idea. And your prayers mean so much. *hug* I'll be ok, I'm just worried and scared. I keep fussing with Jason because he's worrying about me while I worry about nothing but the baby. I'm obcessed, and it'll calm down once she's home, I"m sure. Until then, all we can do is watch and wait. I'm doing everything I can do by bringing that milk to her. I know this. I"m doing what's best for her. I just have days like today sometimes where I beat myself up. I'll be fine.

[chrispina]

it's already after 10:30. you've had plenty of time. i demand an update now! ;)