Introspection, Rambling, Robots, Moods
I think I get a little depressed when I think too much about when I DON'T get to see my boyfriend. We talk.. every day. Sometimes a lot, sometimes slightly less, but we talk every day via IM and phone. But, I rather like being able to curl up with him... fall asleep with him, cuddle. Just hang out. ..And hugs n' kisses. And I can't get that via the internet and phone lines. Skype makes things nicer, but its still not cuddling and..yeah. Since we started dating we've seen each other nearly every weekend. I got to spend the entirety of my birthday weekend with him, and then this past weekend there were reasons we couldn't. It's a bit of a drive for him to come visit me every weekend, that costs money. Heh. Then this upcoming weekend I'm going to be spending the 4th of July in Amarillo, visiting an aunt and uncle/seeing some cousins. I... had the choice of spending it with Paul or with family. It seems to make a little more sense to visit family that I don't often get chances to see. I missed some chances to visit family due to college anyway. So.. yeah, family it is. Which is good. But... sad. I'm clingy. I feel ridiculously so at the moment, too, which isn't something I particularly like, so that doesn't really help me and my mood much (Also, menstruation! Probably also affecting me.) All in all it seems to make for a moodier, quieter Sara.
know if I try to say anything at all when I'm feeling about to cry that I most likely will cry. I don't necessarily want people knowing if I'm crying, I don't want people to hear sobs in my voice or anything. I can't cry quietly and talk, so I just don't talk. And yet, I'd be okay with getting comforting things as a result. And if I'm feeling down, I probably want even more to be held..and can't.. everything keeps going in circles.
Round and round and round. Need to cut the thread somewhere because there's no end in sight... Everything attached, smooth as silk. circular, spherical, round, cycling.
I wonder what it is about late nights that make me ramble and talk. Late nights and LJ. And the assumption that not too many people keep up with this. Probably more than I realize. I'm sure that there are various people who, much like I, often read things but aren't at all likely to comment. It'd be interesting to know how many people might read this, minus prodding.
On the other hand, people don't like reading wordy things do they? skim and scroll, pass on by, doesn't matter, doesn't pertain to me in any way. Hum.
I need new speakers. I mean, laptop speakers are fine, but... I wanna feel the bass, I want sound to be less.. tinny, I want it to sound better. Could use headphones, probably would sound a bit better then but ehh. I'm not a fan of headphones, really. At least, not a fan of them outside uses for specific reasons - IE, listening to something when you don't want to bother other people.
Mmm... I should get some sleep, I need to get up at a decent hour tomorrow, take a shower at some point... I (or someone in my family) is supposed to take my brother to a job interview tomorrow at 1pm. He can't take himself because his license got revoked a couple months back and he's not gonna be able to get it back again for another month or more, and his SO doesn't have hers currently... Sometime soon she's gonna take the test to get it though, it's not handy for two people with kids not to be able to legally drive, and the police in such a small town as they live in are pretty good with catching them when they do so illegally. (..My brother ain't the smartest tool in the shed apparently). So..yeah. Sleep is good.
Before I go: This past weekend, I got to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I enjoyed the movie, though I could've done without some of the crude humor but it was alright. Went shopping after that and I got a new skirt :)
And, because I can.. couple more recent pictures of me:
And, I dunno why I made this, but I did.
(Relationship List)
Chris: 10~ mo; Began: March 2003?; Ended: Unsure, 2004? (Reason: Unknown, simply stopped talking);
Alex: 5-6 years; Met: long time ago; Ended: N/A; Reason: Long-term friends, short period of FWB-ish-ness, still friends;
Johnny: 10-12 mo; Began: 10 September 2004; Ended: 24 September 2005; Reason: He's an idiot;
Kyle: 2~ mo; Met: 18 March 2006; Ended: Unsure ; Reason: Never officially together, simply stopped talking;
Jason: 8~ mo; Began: 25 March 2007; Ended: 7 November 2007; Reason: I "deserved better" and he needed to get his life in order;
Mark: (Spoke online several months, met one weekend of September 2008, nothing came of it - still talk occasionally)
Gilead: 5~ mo; Began: 15 October 2008; Ended: March/April 2009; Reason: He stopped loving me/Unknown;
Paul: 2 mo <; Began: unofficially - May 2009, officially - 18 June 2009; Ended: N/A; Reason: Current Relationship;
know if I try to say anything at all when I'm feeling about to cry that I most likely will cry. I don't necessarily want people knowing if I'm crying, I don't want people to hear sobs in my voice or anything. I can't cry quietly and talk, so I just don't talk. And yet, I'd be okay with getting comforting things as a result. And if I'm feeling down, I probably want even more to be held..and can't.. everything keeps going in circles.
Round and round and round. Need to cut the thread somewhere because there's no end in sight... Everything attached, smooth as silk. circular, spherical, round, cycling.
I wonder what it is about late nights that make me ramble and talk. Late nights and LJ. And the assumption that not too many people keep up with this. Probably more than I realize. I'm sure that there are various people who, much like I, often read things but aren't at all likely to comment. It'd be interesting to know how many people might read this, minus prodding.
On the other hand, people don't like reading wordy things do they? skim and scroll, pass on by, doesn't matter, doesn't pertain to me in any way. Hum.
I need new speakers. I mean, laptop speakers are fine, but... I wanna feel the bass, I want sound to be less.. tinny, I want it to sound better. Could use headphones, probably would sound a bit better then but ehh. I'm not a fan of headphones, really. At least, not a fan of them outside uses for specific reasons - IE, listening to something when you don't want to bother other people.
Mmm... I should get some sleep, I need to get up at a decent hour tomorrow, take a shower at some point... I (or someone in my family) is supposed to take my brother to a job interview tomorrow at 1pm. He can't take himself because his license got revoked a couple months back and he's not gonna be able to get it back again for another month or more, and his SO doesn't have hers currently... Sometime soon she's gonna take the test to get it though, it's not handy for two people with kids not to be able to legally drive, and the police in such a small town as they live in are pretty good with catching them when they do so illegally. (..My brother ain't the smartest tool in the shed apparently). So..yeah. Sleep is good.
Before I go: This past weekend, I got to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I enjoyed the movie, though I could've done without some of the crude humor but it was alright. Went shopping after that and I got a new skirt :)
And, because I can.. couple more recent pictures of me:
And, I dunno why I made this, but I did.
(Relationship List)
Chris: 10~ mo; Began: March 2003?; Ended: Unsure, 2004? (Reason: Unknown, simply stopped talking);
Alex: 5-6 years; Met: long time ago; Ended: N/A; Reason: Long-term friends, short period of FWB-ish-ness, still friends;
Johnny: 10-12 mo; Began: 10 September 2004; Ended: 24 September 2005; Reason: He's an idiot;
Kyle: 2~ mo; Met: 18 March 2006; Ended: Unsure ; Reason: Never officially together, simply stopped talking;
Jason: 8~ mo; Began: 25 March 2007; Ended: 7 November 2007; Reason: I "deserved better" and he needed to get his life in order;
Mark: (Spoke online several months, met one weekend of September 2008, nothing came of it - still talk occasionally)
Gilead: 5~ mo; Began: 15 October 2008; Ended: March/April 2009; Reason: He stopped loving me/Unknown;
Paul: 2 mo <; Began: unofficially - May 2009, officially - 18 June 2009; Ended: N/A; Reason: Current Relationship;