I need a break, before I break down completely.
I started crying in the shower tonight. Didn't quite realize how much things have been getting to me, I guess. But shower or bed always have been the places I think the most, anyway. Those are the only times I'm honestly by myself for a mostly uninterrupted length of time.
I miss Jason. a small amount of 3/5/9 minute phone calls over the course of the weekend, one I'm used to being able to talk to him all the time, certainly sucks in comparison. Though its not all him, either. As far as thats gone, I've managed to keep myself fairly distracted. Until I'm by myself, at any rate.
I need out. By out I mean "away from everyone in my family" Seriously. For just a few hours would do a helluva lot of good, I think. But preferably more like a couple of days. Or a week. Or, y'know, permanent. Well. Permanently moved out of this house, anyway. I'd be able to deal with their quirks and irritations a lot better if I wasn't/haven't been around it nearly 24/7 for 19 years.
When I started working, I traded being annoyed with/arguing with mom and listening to her all day, to being annoyed with or arguing with my sister at key points during the day. And then come home and listen to mom then. On the upside, I get along amazingly well with Marisa, which I think is more to do with her maturing some than the fact that we don't see each other 24/7 (minus sleep). Who knows, though.
Technically my problems are probably fairly minor, but I intend to move out in the year I'm 21. Really, preferably before then even, but definitely before I turn 22. Hell, thats really why I make sure to save so much out of my paycheck every 2 weeks. Parents think I'm saving up to help take care of college, but I have yet to really want to take college classes. >_>
Jason's power is supposed to go on tomorrow (today now) morning. And then.. I dunno when he'll get internet back, hopefully within a day or so anyway. -.- I miss him. And kinda worry how he's doing, but I guess he's alright now that things seem to be working out again.
Anyway. I really need to make some plans to hang out with someone, or something. I desperately need a break, I just don't know how I'll manage to get away from the family - of the friends I have nearby that I could make plans with possibly, there's someone in the family that my mom/either sisters would probably want to go and spend time with as well. And I can't quite say "sorry, I need some me time" >.< Bleh. Maybe I'll be a little better when I'm not missing talking to Jason as much...
At any rate, I have to work in the morning and I have about 6 hours of sleep and I keep nearly starting myself crying again, so its time I stop this and get some rest.
Maybe things will look better in the day...
I miss Jason. a small amount of 3/5/9 minute phone calls over the course of the weekend, one I'm used to being able to talk to him all the time, certainly sucks in comparison. Though its not all him, either. As far as thats gone, I've managed to keep myself fairly distracted. Until I'm by myself, at any rate.
I need out. By out I mean "away from everyone in my family" Seriously. For just a few hours would do a helluva lot of good, I think. But preferably more like a couple of days. Or a week. Or, y'know, permanent. Well. Permanently moved out of this house, anyway. I'd be able to deal with their quirks and irritations a lot better if I wasn't/haven't been around it nearly 24/7 for 19 years.
When I started working, I traded being annoyed with/arguing with mom and listening to her all day, to being annoyed with or arguing with my sister at key points during the day. And then come home and listen to mom then. On the upside, I get along amazingly well with Marisa, which I think is more to do with her maturing some than the fact that we don't see each other 24/7 (minus sleep). Who knows, though.
Technically my problems are probably fairly minor, but I intend to move out in the year I'm 21. Really, preferably before then even, but definitely before I turn 22. Hell, thats really why I make sure to save so much out of my paycheck every 2 weeks. Parents think I'm saving up to help take care of college, but I have yet to really want to take college classes. >_>
Jason's power is supposed to go on tomorrow (today now) morning. And then.. I dunno when he'll get internet back, hopefully within a day or so anyway. -.- I miss him. And kinda worry how he's doing, but I guess he's alright now that things seem to be working out again.
Anyway. I really need to make some plans to hang out with someone, or something. I desperately need a break, I just don't know how I'll manage to get away from the family - of the friends I have nearby that I could make plans with possibly, there's someone in the family that my mom/either sisters would probably want to go and spend time with as well. And I can't quite say "sorry, I need some me time" >.< Bleh. Maybe I'll be a little better when I'm not missing talking to Jason as much...
At any rate, I have to work in the morning and I have about 6 hours of sleep and I keep nearly starting myself crying again, so its time I stop this and get some rest.
Maybe things will look better in the day...