Warning. Bullshit removal.
I've decided to take my brother and sister in law off my friends list on LJ.
Nothing's wrong. Honest. I like them. Alot. I would like nothing better to spend more time with them.
However, the last few days of my stressing about stuff and making a small one-sentance statement seems to have had a large and negative impact.
Tried to heal it... made nice in a post. Rie was not happy still so she said more stuff on her own.
So, the rift is there. It's what it is.
A few things I must say in my defense before I go.... dear readers.
1) I own a business. A business I started from my unemployment 5 years ago this month to one that brought in $56k according to my taxes filed in March, 2008.
2) A business takes money to run. While I bring in money, money does go out to cover expenses. Office rent, subscriptions, memberships, advertising, goods and matterials, etc. If you have been in business, you know what I am talking about. Printers and computers cost money. So does gas, cars, kids, medical bills, etc....
3) I work like 70 - 80 hours a week. Ask anyone who knows me. My day starts when I get up to get Kai ready for the day and ends when I get to bed from working on a site about 2 am (on average).
4) I bought a TV in 2006. I've been paying for it ever since, even though it's financial cost was covered the day it came home. The check I had gotten was $6,000 for a SHITLOAD of work in one month. Ever make $6k in a month? If so, you can appreciate how many hours that is. The TV was the present I gave to myself as a reward for coming so far since I landed back on the mainland with nothing in my pocket in June, 1996. It had been a goal and I met it. Yes, I had other obligations at the time and I took care of as many of those as I could. Could I have covered a little more? Sure. That $1500 would have gone a little further. But this was mine. Selfish, yep. Aren't we all about something that we work hard to get? Bills covered included some very old collections, getting rid of 2 outstanding old credit cards so I could build my credit up to start to try to get a house and so on.
For the record, I nearly worked myself to death. In March, I went into the hospital for a week for heart exhaustion from stress.
5) It's been suggested that I get a "real job".
Honey, I got a real job. I've got 8 clients currently, just sent out $1,000 in invoices, have contracts currently for $9500 that I am working on and have done work today on an existing client's website that will bill out for at least $560.
I have 55 clients that have their website hosted with me at $200 ea. My profit on that is approx $7500 a year. Often when these little checks come in, they are snarfed up quickly by my bank for fees as well as the business for operating expenses.
--------------------------------------------------
Now... that being said. The counterpoint has been
"Why can't you pay X then?"
Easy. AS I HAVE SAID NUMEROUS TIMES:
I get a client that pays half down and half upon completion. That means that I get something now and something when the job is done. If it's done in a week, great! I get paid in a week.
If it's done in 4 months, I have to wait 4 months for that money.
So, I work on the project... and wait. While I wait, I get other contracts. I work on those... and wait for the remainder.
If there's a lull between payments (like there is now) I often go into the red. This means that when I do get something in, the bank account takes it right up. The bank account also has to get it's money for overdrafts and other fees.
Keep in mind, I started with NADA. A few unemployment checks and that was that. No money from a friend, no nest egg (those were long harvested by others), no nada. We're talking cents in the pocket eating PB and Butter sandwhiches.
Basic economics, a positive account is positive unless the account goes negative. Negative means you have to get positive again. To get to $500 and you are negative $300 then you have to earn $800.
-----------------------------------------
"Why don't you get a budget?"
Ah! A budget.... the magic word. Of course, a budget would work if I have all of the following:
1) Positive cash flow
2) steady income (bi-weekly paycheck)
3) stability in the financial scope
I'd LOVE A BUDGET! I hear they're nice and warm and toasty.
Seriously, I know what I can afford and what is brought into the house. Let's take Rie's income alone since she's got a steady paycheck that is going to be there with certainty while I am waiting for client X.
Rie brings in approx. $1900 after taxes and insurance every month.
Kai daycare - $600
Electric - $100
Gas - $30
Phone/DSL - $100
Rent - $690 (we moved.. savings there!)
Food - $300
Car - $335
Gas (car) - $140
Netflix - $25
TV - $100
------------------
$2085 for one month.... Ah! That's more than what Rie makes! Yep... it's true. BUT I AM IN THE HOUSEHOLD, working! Let's say that I bring in after expenses and should I get clients paying and signing an average of $2k a month. That means I've covered $185 already.
But there's more bills!
Credit Cards - $200
Car (Prius) - $650
Medical - $100
Prescriptions - $80 (avg)
Gas (prius) - $120
Car maint. - $40
Kai clothes/food/toys - $250
So far, that's $1260. That means between the two areas, that's $3,345 in expenses.
What about sanity? Getting out, away from the house and having Chris and Rie time?
Movies - $60
Dinner (1x week) $30
Ok... $90 isn't bad. We're up to $3,435 now. Let's leave it there.
$3,435 a month in expenses. Where could we cut? Mmmm.... Car is high, but can't just get rid of it. Would ruin credit and we're under/over on it. Maybe the Netflix? Sure.. there's $25. TV? Yeah, but we don't go out during the week and we like to try to be together as a family and watch TV when I am not working my brains out...
Still, I am covering my nut and Rie's covering hers. That's what's important, right?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I've put my finances out for the world to see... probably a little too much.
What would I say I have had a problem with the last few months? Not gambling. That takes money. We allowed ourselves $100 a few weeks back. Lost $15. Not bad. Then again, we stayed overnight at a hotel BUT that was comp'd.
Travel? We have not gone to Aurora in months. LaCrosse is the furthest...
--------------------------
I guess when it all boils down, some of you reading this may think it's bullshit in my household. However, it is the household of Chris, Rie and Kaiana. We have a roof over our head, we eat what we have in our freezer and we pay taxes. We're not criminals or cokeheads. We don't beat our kids or kick our cats.
I may think it's bullshit what others do. The guy who has to have a new snickers bar and a double latte every morning may be considered bullshit because he's got a bad heart. The lady that pays her credit card bill on time and double the amount yet still charges twice that amount on bingo supplies may be considered bullshit by some. Driving to Appleton to see a show when you live in Urbana may be considered bullshit by some. Spending $50 for a suitcase because it's got wheels and the one you had no longer is closeable may be considered bullshit.
Bottom line is, we all have an opinion. I've got mine, and you have yours. That's what makes this country of ours so fucking great!
Freedom of speech.
If no one had their own opinion, we'd all be walking in lock-step with a swastika over our heads and we'd be eating gruel.
But an opinion is only as sound as the information it's based on. If you don't know/work/live/sleep/eat/breathe the details, then the opinion is not fact but conjecture.
**********************************
Main Entry:
1con·jec·ture Listen to the pronunciation of 1conjecture
Pronunciation:
\k?n-?jek-ch?r\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin conjectura, from conjectus, past participle of conicere, literally, to throw together, from com- + jacere to throw - more at jet
Date:
14th century
1obsolete a: interpretation of omens b: supposition2 a: inference from defective or presumptive evidence b: a conclusion deduced by surmise or guesswork c: a proposition (as in mathematics) before it has been proved or disproved
**********************************
My guidance councilor once said "Assume means you make an ass out of you and me".
So, when one has an opinion and assumes things are the way they are, nothing is really helped.
I won't be assuming anymore.
---------------------------
Hopefully, I'll be able to give Chad and Laura a hug in the near term and say "Sorry" by all of us for having this little row.
I'd like to think so. Life's too short.
Nothing's wrong. Honest. I like them. Alot. I would like nothing better to spend more time with them.
However, the last few days of my stressing about stuff and making a small one-sentance statement seems to have had a large and negative impact.
Tried to heal it... made nice in a post. Rie was not happy still so she said more stuff on her own.
So, the rift is there. It's what it is.
A few things I must say in my defense before I go.... dear readers.
1) I own a business. A business I started from my unemployment 5 years ago this month to one that brought in $56k according to my taxes filed in March, 2008.
2) A business takes money to run. While I bring in money, money does go out to cover expenses. Office rent, subscriptions, memberships, advertising, goods and matterials, etc. If you have been in business, you know what I am talking about. Printers and computers cost money. So does gas, cars, kids, medical bills, etc....
3) I work like 70 - 80 hours a week. Ask anyone who knows me. My day starts when I get up to get Kai ready for the day and ends when I get to bed from working on a site about 2 am (on average).
4) I bought a TV in 2006. I've been paying for it ever since, even though it's financial cost was covered the day it came home. The check I had gotten was $6,000 for a SHITLOAD of work in one month. Ever make $6k in a month? If so, you can appreciate how many hours that is. The TV was the present I gave to myself as a reward for coming so far since I landed back on the mainland with nothing in my pocket in June, 1996. It had been a goal and I met it. Yes, I had other obligations at the time and I took care of as many of those as I could. Could I have covered a little more? Sure. That $1500 would have gone a little further. But this was mine. Selfish, yep. Aren't we all about something that we work hard to get? Bills covered included some very old collections, getting rid of 2 outstanding old credit cards so I could build my credit up to start to try to get a house and so on.
For the record, I nearly worked myself to death. In March, I went into the hospital for a week for heart exhaustion from stress.
5) It's been suggested that I get a "real job".
Honey, I got a real job. I've got 8 clients currently, just sent out $1,000 in invoices, have contracts currently for $9500 that I am working on and have done work today on an existing client's website that will bill out for at least $560.
I have 55 clients that have their website hosted with me at $200 ea. My profit on that is approx $7500 a year. Often when these little checks come in, they are snarfed up quickly by my bank for fees as well as the business for operating expenses.
--------------------------------------------------
Now... that being said. The counterpoint has been
"Why can't you pay X then?"
Easy. AS I HAVE SAID NUMEROUS TIMES:
I get a client that pays half down and half upon completion. That means that I get something now and something when the job is done. If it's done in a week, great! I get paid in a week.
If it's done in 4 months, I have to wait 4 months for that money.
So, I work on the project... and wait. While I wait, I get other contracts. I work on those... and wait for the remainder.
If there's a lull between payments (like there is now) I often go into the red. This means that when I do get something in, the bank account takes it right up. The bank account also has to get it's money for overdrafts and other fees.
Keep in mind, I started with NADA. A few unemployment checks and that was that. No money from a friend, no nest egg (those were long harvested by others), no nada. We're talking cents in the pocket eating PB and Butter sandwhiches.
Basic economics, a positive account is positive unless the account goes negative. Negative means you have to get positive again. To get to $500 and you are negative $300 then you have to earn $800.
-----------------------------------------
"Why don't you get a budget?"
Ah! A budget.... the magic word. Of course, a budget would work if I have all of the following:
1) Positive cash flow
2) steady income (bi-weekly paycheck)
3) stability in the financial scope
I'd LOVE A BUDGET! I hear they're nice and warm and toasty.
Seriously, I know what I can afford and what is brought into the house. Let's take Rie's income alone since she's got a steady paycheck that is going to be there with certainty while I am waiting for client X.
Rie brings in approx. $1900 after taxes and insurance every month.
Kai daycare - $600
Electric - $100
Gas - $30
Phone/DSL - $100
Rent - $690 (we moved.. savings there!)
Food - $300
Car - $335
Gas (car) - $140
Netflix - $25
TV - $100
------------------
$2085 for one month.... Ah! That's more than what Rie makes! Yep... it's true. BUT I AM IN THE HOUSEHOLD, working! Let's say that I bring in after expenses and should I get clients paying and signing an average of $2k a month. That means I've covered $185 already.
But there's more bills!
Credit Cards - $200
Car (Prius) - $650
Medical - $100
Prescriptions - $80 (avg)
Gas (prius) - $120
Car maint. - $40
Kai clothes/food/toys - $250
So far, that's $1260. That means between the two areas, that's $3,345 in expenses.
What about sanity? Getting out, away from the house and having Chris and Rie time?
Movies - $60
Dinner (1x week) $30
Ok... $90 isn't bad. We're up to $3,435 now. Let's leave it there.
$3,435 a month in expenses. Where could we cut? Mmmm.... Car is high, but can't just get rid of it. Would ruin credit and we're under/over on it. Maybe the Netflix? Sure.. there's $25. TV? Yeah, but we don't go out during the week and we like to try to be together as a family and watch TV when I am not working my brains out...
Still, I am covering my nut and Rie's covering hers. That's what's important, right?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I've put my finances out for the world to see... probably a little too much.
What would I say I have had a problem with the last few months? Not gambling. That takes money. We allowed ourselves $100 a few weeks back. Lost $15. Not bad. Then again, we stayed overnight at a hotel BUT that was comp'd.
Travel? We have not gone to Aurora in months. LaCrosse is the furthest...
--------------------------
I guess when it all boils down, some of you reading this may think it's bullshit in my household. However, it is the household of Chris, Rie and Kaiana. We have a roof over our head, we eat what we have in our freezer and we pay taxes. We're not criminals or cokeheads. We don't beat our kids or kick our cats.
I may think it's bullshit what others do. The guy who has to have a new snickers bar and a double latte every morning may be considered bullshit because he's got a bad heart. The lady that pays her credit card bill on time and double the amount yet still charges twice that amount on bingo supplies may be considered bullshit by some. Driving to Appleton to see a show when you live in Urbana may be considered bullshit by some. Spending $50 for a suitcase because it's got wheels and the one you had no longer is closeable may be considered bullshit.
Bottom line is, we all have an opinion. I've got mine, and you have yours. That's what makes this country of ours so fucking great!
Freedom of speech.
If no one had their own opinion, we'd all be walking in lock-step with a swastika over our heads and we'd be eating gruel.
But an opinion is only as sound as the information it's based on. If you don't know/work/live/sleep/eat/breathe the details, then the opinion is not fact but conjecture.
**********************************
Main Entry:
1con·jec·ture Listen to the pronunciation of 1conjecture
Pronunciation:
\k?n-?jek-ch?r\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin conjectura, from conjectus, past participle of conicere, literally, to throw together, from com- + jacere to throw - more at jet
Date:
14th century
1obsolete a: interpretation of omens b: supposition2 a: inference from defective or presumptive evidence b: a conclusion deduced by surmise or guesswork c: a proposition (as in mathematics) before it has been proved or disproved
**********************************
My guidance councilor once said "Assume means you make an ass out of you and me".
So, when one has an opinion and assumes things are the way they are, nothing is really helped.
I won't be assuming anymore.
---------------------------
Hopefully, I'll be able to give Chad and Laura a hug in the near term and say "Sorry" by all of us for having this little row.
I'd like to think so. Life's too short.