American Idol Pic Spam, featuring Alexis Grace and Ricky Braddy.
Louisville Auditions
a.k.a. Where It All Began
By some incredible yet ultimately pointless coincidence, both Alexis and Ricky auditioned at Freedom Hall in Louisville for American Idol. This is also where we meet the male and female protagonists of this pic spam.
Folks, say hello to:
Alexis Grace Middleton, henceforth known as Alexis Grace
How did you make the final decision to try out for AI?
"I made it by talking to my Aunt and she happened to know people who live in Louisville, so we split the gas money and stayed with friends, and the rest is history. But the big decision was mostly my motivation from my little angel, Ryan."
Ricky Dale Braddy, henceforth known as Ricky Braddy
How did you make the final decision to try out for AI?
My job - I couldn't do it anymore.
Other Less Significant Louisville Auditions
Three of them are talented. Two of them still have a shot at being the American Idol.
One of them doesn't deserve it.
Meanwhile, these two are talented and totally deserve it.
Hollywood Week
a.k.a. Where's Waldo, featuring Alexis and Ricky?
Our protagonists Alexis and Ricky are Hollywood Hopefuls! It's a catchy title that basically means nothing. But they get photos that resemble mugshots, and if you look hard enough they are going to be on the American Idol website.
Could cut a bitch if you anger her.
Not gonna lie, she looks sort of like a gothic teenager at a rock star concert. I think it's a combination of the pale skin, the pink highlights, and the black shirt. Possibly the necklace. Do goths wear necklaces with star pendants?
Could be the bitch being cut if he's not careful.
Also pictured above: UBER UBER PRESH.
If this were an actual mugshot, he would not survive one night in prison.
Jesse Langseth's official Hollywood Hopeful photo.
"Raise your hand if you think Ricky should wear a bikini!"
Ricky is displeased that Bikini Girl is the center of attention. As evident by his facial expression, he is contemplating wearing bikinis for his semi-final performances.
Danny Gokey instead opted for the hobo look.
We're still not quite sure how he made it to the semi-finals.
The girl sitting next to Ricky posses the same alien-ish qualities as Jasmine Murray, but isn't actually her according to the number on her tag. Regardless, your attention should either be on Ricky or on Danny Gokey's arms. I'm not gonna say whether you should be examining the latter in a positive or negative light.
Is that Lil in the foreground, and Kris Allen next to Ricky?
He looks sort of like Matt Giraud in this photo, actually. The first time I came across it, I dismissed it as Matt and only later realized that it was actually a picture of Ricky.
Still sitting next to faux Jasmine.
The next few pictures get increasingly blurred. It's like playing a game of Where's Waldo while your contacts slipped off.
See? Not lying about the blurry thing.
For bonus points, look for Adam Lambert, Megan Joy, and Bikini Girl.
Foreground: Three smug ass motherfuckers.
Background: Cannon fodder.
Ricky is to the left. Did you spot him?
Okay, this isn't as blurred.
Scott and his walking stick say hi. Keep an eye out for them, they'll make an appearance again later.
Also pictured: Nick Mitchell, and Lil Rounds.
In this photo, Alexis is conversing with Scott. I actually have no idea what they are talking about, but I will assume Alexis is telling Scott about how presh Ricky is looking, and Scott is trying to tell her that he's straight.
Also pictured: Jesse Langseth, Nick Mitchell, Lil Rounds, and Von Smith.
Disappointed by her discovery that Scott is heterosexual (and thus does not share her appreciation of Ricky), Alexis attempts to return to her seat.
Wonder which of these three will snap first and punch the other two in the face.
My bet's on Sarver.
Background Alexis is sad about Scott being blind and straight. Meanwhile, Kai and the real Jasmine Murray are sitting over there like good cannon fodder should.
No longer in the background!
And now we're gonna end this section with these two pictures where they are for once the center of focus:
In a pretty red top!
What's been the scariest part of the Idol experience so far?
The waiting around and pondering on everything you have invested in this competition.
What's been the most surprising part of the Idol experience so far?
How much you instantly bond with the other contestants.
Okay, I have no words.
Just one: PRESH.
How can you not love his sweet ass, America?
What's been the scariest part of the Idol experience so far?
Group Day.
What's been the most surprising part of the Idol experience so far?
Making it through Group Day.
Judges' Mansion
Those wasteful fuckers.
After making it through Hollywood Week, our protagonists face the final cut along with their fellow contestants.
The four judges will decide whether they stay - and make it to the voting rounds as part of the Top 36 - or go.
I wonder how many butts have sweated on this chair.
The love of Christ will protect me. I know it.
He went extinct to get them into Top 36.
But guess what, bitches? They made it!
Top 36 Photo Shoot
Group One - Backstage
The Group One semi-finalists ready themselves for their upcoming performances.
Honestly, besides one photo of Alexis, not much to see here.
Added a bunch of pictures from alexisgraceai8!
Her outfit is so skimpy that she needs a bathrobe while backstage.
Hanging out with Brent Keith and *shudder* Stephen Fowler.
You screwed up Magic Rainbows. Time to GTFO.
Pictured: Ricky the Child Molestor
Also pictured: Alexis the Child Pornography Photographer
Group One Performances
Ricky and Alexis are both grouped into Group One, and perform second and third respectively. This is the point where the talent peaks. Everything after that just starts declining.
This bitch is inconsequential.
As are her trousers.
I've been so many places in my life and time,
I've sung a lot of songs, and I've made some bad rhymes.
I've acted out my love in stages,
With ten thousand people watching.
We're alone now...
...and I'm singing this song for you.
Why don't I get the pimpage treatment?
"Vote for me, bitches."
How do you combat stage fright?
Preparation.
What makes a great performer?
Someone who doesn't get in people's faces, but pulls them in.
You're no good, heartbreaker.
You're a liar and you're a cheat.
And I don't know why I let you do these things to me.
I can't sleep at night, and I can't eat a bite,
I guess I'll never be free,
Since you got your hooks in me.
This shade of lipstick is ugly.
"Vote for me, then vote for Ricky."
How do you combat stage fright?
"I really do not have stage fright, but I do get really excited before I go on. It's an amazing feeling."
What makes a great performer?
"Confidence."
Group One Results - Backstage
a.k.a. How Michael Sarver stole Ricky's spot.
Pictured: Alexis, hugging fellow contestant Anoop.
Pictured: Ricky, hugging a trainwreck.
Ricky is high maintenance, don't you see?
Ricky is displeased that he is not invited as part of the photo.
Checking out DialIdol?
The seven girls of Group One.
Ricky and his Twitter BFF Brent Keith stand at the back, while Alexis is in front of him.
For the group number, Ricky is initially grouped with two douches.
Alexis looks like she has no idea what to do, and is just standing there.
Group shot.
Also pictured: Ricky's backside.
Oh come on, you know none of these three girls have a chance of going through.
Well, except maybe Tatiana.
Why is Stephen Fowler perving at Ricky?
Speaking of Tatiana...
My two favourites in a duet!
(Ignore Stevie and Gokey please.)
Ricky and Alexis the blow-up dolls, at your service.
Once the group number is over, the Group One contestants settle down.
Like either of you have a chance in hell of making it through.
Ryan invites Alexis to the center of the stage, and...
She's through!
This is the perfect omigosh expression.
Ricky is happy for Alexis!
And Alexis is like, aww, I hope you go through too, Ricky!
I never loved a man...
...the way I love you.
Overjoyed, she tilts her head back and the hat falls from the top of her head.
Ryan delivers the sad news to Ricky while Jackie admires her boobs.
Meanwhile, this douche goes through. Go figure, America.
"Ricky should have been here. Just so you know."
That stupid fiery background. Again.
Alexis clearly doesn't want to be Danny Gokey's next dead wife.
Aww, they're about the same height!
Danny Gokey is already perving on Alexis.
The top three of the group wave a cheesy goodbye.
Also note: Ricky's forehead.
"These two are douches."
Pictured: Two faces in need of a fist.
"Maybe they will bring Ricky back if these two die of extenuating circumstances?"
We're going through!
Group Two Results
a.k.a. the section without Ricky Braddy
Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta, and Kris Allen make it through Group Two. All very nice people, I'm sure, but they're no Ricky Braddy.
Adam and Alexis would actually make a cute couple, y'know, if not for the whole homosexuality thing.
From left to right: Triple A, two douches, and two metropolitan pseudo-gay men.
Replace Michael Sarver with Ricky Braddy and this photo will be ten times more talented.
Backstage, with Jesse Langseth and Kai Kalama.
Paula apologizes for condemning Mishavonna to her stage mother's wrath.
Nice legs.
Adam and Alexis chatter while Kai attempts to hit on Jeanine.
Despite being gay, Adam cannot resist checking out Alexis.
SUCK IT, ALIEN INVADER.
Group Three Results
a.k.a. Where Ricky makes his comeback
Since they also need to announce the wildcard spots, Ryan and the judges rush through the process, selecting Lil Rounds, Scott MacIntyre, and Jorge Nunez as the three who are going through.
Getting her lipstick done before the show.
So pretty. <3
With Kendall Beard.
Lil appears to be the designated photographer of the night.
Lil's head is blocking half of Alexis's face. GTFO.
This is the only picture of Alexis in this section, by the way.
"Hi mom!"
Above: People who deserved to make Top 13 more than Jasmine Murray
"Von Smith? You guys are kidding, right?"
Look at Matt's bitchface. He is clearly displeased by all the talent (i.e. Jesse and Ricky) and non-talent (i.e. Jasmine and Von) in Wildcard Round.
Above: Ricky scratching his crotch.
Kara analyzes Ricky's sexual appeal to figure out how much she should pimp him.
As usual, she malfunctions.
Okay, this is the point where this pic spam ventures into obsession.
But that is a very nice, blurry shot of the back of his head, that I will not deny.
Also pictured: How Jesse Langseth got her Wildcard spot.
Simon is powerglaring at Ricky.
Wildcard Round
Having been selected as one of the Wildcard Round contestants, Ricky prepares to make his comeback.
This ultimately proves unsuccessful, but damn if he doesn't look good during it.
This picture can have no other caption than "HAI GUISE".
Very superstitious, the writings on the wall,
Very superstitious, that ladder's 'bout to fall.
When you believe in things that you don't understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition ain't the way.
Look at that sweet ass. Why the judges don't like it, I will never know.
Above: The judges not liking his sweet ass.
Sadface. :(
"Jasmine? That alien? Seriously?"
SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS
WE SEE THEM ALL THE TIME
SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS
THERE SHOULD BE A FINE
SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS
THEY ALWAYS BRING THE WANK
SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS
BUT ICONS WE STILL GANK
Reason #3562 Megan is more popular than Jasmine:
She is more believable as a wildcard pick.
"Quick, pretend to be surprised at the Top 13 twist!"
Group hug for Anoop... but nothing for Ricky? Cunts.
Top 13 Photo Shoot
(sans Ricky)
Pretty.
Still pretty.
Okay, not as pretty. I blame the lipstick.
Meanwhile...
Cunt that stole Ricky's spot.
Actually, I wouldn't use the c-word to describe her.
She doesn't have the warmth or depth that cunts possess.
...Can you tell I'm still bitter that Ricky didn't make it?
Top 13 Performances - Michael Jackson
Now that our male protagonist has been unfairly struck down by an alien invader taking on the form of a black female, our female protagonist is left to make this journey alone. Fortunately, she is not alone and has a number of allies...
...namely Adam Lambert...
...and Matt Giraud.
Together, these three shall combat the mediocre singers (read: Jasmine and Jorge)...
... while they attempt to taint Alexis with their mediocre talent.
As shown above, Adam attempts to separate Alexis and the alien invader, but is thwarted by the starting slideshow.
Getting ready for her pimp spot performance.
Putting the final touches on her hair.
Preparing to sing while her video package is playing on the big screen.
You'll never make me stay, so take your weight off of me.
I know your every move, so won't you just let me be.
She's saying that's okay, hey baby do what you please,
I have the stuff that you want, I am the thing that you need.
She said he's not coming home,
Because he's - sleeping living with me!
Epic.
Omigosh, pimp spot!
Well, as pimp as a sex hotline spot can be.
Top 13 Results
a.k.a. The extra-terrestrial mother ship finally arrives to take back Jasmine Murray
Backstage, the Idols check out their DialIdol standings.
Or they could be reading Kradam smut.
Missing from this line up: Ricky Braddy.
Megan agrees with the sentiment of the above caption.
Scott does not see Danny's dancing.
Alexis and Megan do.
Alexis's ally Matt is safe from elimination.
Jasmine, however, is not.
SUCK IT, ALIEN INVADER.
Smug ass motherfucker.
Danny is also safe from elimination. Adam refuses to look in his direction.
"Yes, teacher?"
Alexis is safe!
Her fellow Idols reach over and congratulate her.
Alexis congratulates Scott after he, too, is safe.
The Idols say goodbye to Jorge, but couldn't care less about Jasmine.
A peek of Alexis's hair behind Jorge.
SUCK IT, ALIEN INVADER.
Surprise Ricky Braddy Section!
Because the upcoming sadness of our female protagonist being defeated is just too much to bear without some Braddy.
Oh hai. I heard you needed some Braddy. Here I am.
It don't matter if you're black or white.
This needs an "insert _____ here" caption.
Who knew Ricky was into furries? D:
Do I see a budding bromance?
Brokeback Mountain OT3, featuring Ricky Braddy? :)
Ricky and his marginally less significant friend.
Bitch fight!
Top 11 Performances - Grand Ole Opry
This guy is even creepier than the Terry persona. Why is Alexis letting him touch her? D:
I'm not a fan of this look, but she really does look pretty in this picture.
Backstage with the other Idols.
She looks so disproportionate. Tiny frame does not go well with high heels.
Your beauty is beyond compare,
With flaming locks of auburn hair,
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green.
Your smile is like a breath of spring,
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, Ricky Jolene.
He talks about you in his sleep,
Theres nothing I can do to keep...
...from crying when he calls your name, Jolene.
Foreshadowing?
Top 11 Results
That douchebag is ignoring Alexis.
What one moment in past AI seasons that you will always remember?
"David Cook singing "Billie Jean." Need I say more?"
Who's been your favorite Idol thus far?
"I'm really loving David Cook right now."
Still missing from the line up: Ricky Braddy.
Should be missing from the above line up: Michael Sarver.
That could have been Ricky she's standing next to. Thanks a lot, America!
Pictured: Alexis confronts Kara about the ill-advised "dirty it up" remarks.
Not even Paula and Allison can resist checking out Alexis.
Four of the above should have been allowed to go on tour.
The Idols sits down after the group number to await their fates.
The first two into the Bottom Three.
Adam is too confident to help out his ally.
The final Bottom Three contestant comes down to between Alexis and Adam.
Pictured: Three perverts and a gay guy.
"Why is she taller than me?"
After Allison is sent back to safety, Alexis gives her a hug.
Michael Sarver is ignored.
Bottom Two.
They're both visibly nervous as Ryan announces the results.
Sarver acts like a douche while Alexis poses as a porcelain ballerina.
Yeah, I got nothing either.
Look at that face and tell me you don't want to give him a fist.
It all comes down to this performance.
I had to have this talk with you,
My happiness depends on you,
And whatever you decide to do, Jolene.
My tummy hurts.
To add injury to insult, Simon bitch slaps Alexis.
Randy Jackson attempts to comfort Alexis.
"My name isn't Allison, bitch."
THE END.
But this is a sad ending. Therefore it requires adorb pictures of Alexis and Ricky from Hollywood Week
---
Also, baby Ryan says hi!
Epilogue
I knew that was her and Jason Castro behind Randy! \o/