(no subject)

[civil_failure]

homesick for a place that i don't think exists...
i want to feel close to God, so bad.
fuck, i want to feel close to anything...
i just realized how lonely i am due to an episode last night and todays feelings
what's feeling grateful like?

i'm so confused...
racing thoughts.
if i do stay sober i'm really convinced i'll end up killing myself or something of the sort.
if i don't stay sober... well, that's obvious.
atleast i like life when i'm high.