this is my charm bracelet, and yes, those are human teeth.
been kinda off lately.
i've been off for a long time...
it's the same angst thats in this journal, and i'll keep it in my journal, because, well, i guess this is where i keep my thoughts, and yeah. i don't open up to people. so thats why i write all my shitty thoughts down. helps me get them out. and i'm an attention whore, gimme gimme gimme.
anyways, i realized today that i've given up on people. i have a lot of friends, most of which i now just call aquaintences. i decided to eliminate some negative influences from my life, because, well, i don't need them to treat me like shit because they aren't happy in their own lives and want someone else to be as miserable as they are. and even though i have contemplated saying just that to them, i think it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. you burned your bridges, and its going to take a lot of your effort to get it back.
i know. call me general sherman, i'm working on moving south and burning everything behind me. i do feel alone here, mostly because i am SICK OF THE FUCKING DRAMA THAT SHOULD HAVE ENDED IN HIGH SCHOOL. but if people want to fuck high school girls when they should really be with someone... well, less than 10 years younger than them, then i suppose thats why i still feel surrounded by it. im sick of the mind games, i'm sick of the people, all i want to do is be happy at work, and not get stuck in the same routine night after night after night with the same people night after night. we never meet anyone new. we never do anything different. and im sick of everything being planned, where one person assumes power and gets fucking offended when i go off to do things with other people.
you arent controlling me. i once allowed a person to control my life. never again. and maybe its that attitude right there that causes my depression when i am alone... but i have anxiety around people. or maybe its just the people i am with. i don't want to be slowed down. i dont want to be sped up. i push myself to be the best fucking person i can be for myself and that's all that matters. love me or hate me i dont care. but i do.
im selfish and vain.
and i love myself. and i want other people to. but i know im not deserving of it.
and right there, in that last statement, is where the problem lies.
and this is so scattered, all i can do is end it on the logical statement i shall now make.
i exist. i have no purpose, and fuck. i'll have fun with what i was given.
i've been off for a long time...
it's the same angst thats in this journal, and i'll keep it in my journal, because, well, i guess this is where i keep my thoughts, and yeah. i don't open up to people. so thats why i write all my shitty thoughts down. helps me get them out. and i'm an attention whore, gimme gimme gimme.
anyways, i realized today that i've given up on people. i have a lot of friends, most of which i now just call aquaintences. i decided to eliminate some negative influences from my life, because, well, i don't need them to treat me like shit because they aren't happy in their own lives and want someone else to be as miserable as they are. and even though i have contemplated saying just that to them, i think it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. you burned your bridges, and its going to take a lot of your effort to get it back.
i know. call me general sherman, i'm working on moving south and burning everything behind me. i do feel alone here, mostly because i am SICK OF THE FUCKING DRAMA THAT SHOULD HAVE ENDED IN HIGH SCHOOL. but if people want to fuck high school girls when they should really be with someone... well, less than 10 years younger than them, then i suppose thats why i still feel surrounded by it. im sick of the mind games, i'm sick of the people, all i want to do is be happy at work, and not get stuck in the same routine night after night after night with the same people night after night. we never meet anyone new. we never do anything different. and im sick of everything being planned, where one person assumes power and gets fucking offended when i go off to do things with other people.
you arent controlling me. i once allowed a person to control my life. never again. and maybe its that attitude right there that causes my depression when i am alone... but i have anxiety around people. or maybe its just the people i am with. i don't want to be slowed down. i dont want to be sped up. i push myself to be the best fucking person i can be for myself and that's all that matters. love me or hate me i dont care. but i do.
im selfish and vain.
and i love myself. and i want other people to. but i know im not deserving of it.
and right there, in that last statement, is where the problem lies.
and this is so scattered, all i can do is end it on the logical statement i shall now make.
i exist. i have no purpose, and fuck. i'll have fun with what i was given.