Late-night Musings
Late-night musings
So it's eleven at night and everyone else is in bed, and I'm sitting on the couch in our friend's house on Block Island, where I'm to sleep for the night, with covers on me and not a light in the room but for my laptop screen and the sleep lights of various electronics around the room.
It's a bit creepy, really, using the laptop at night. The light is so bright in stark contrast to the pitch black of the room that it sort of makes your eyes hurt, especially on the paper white of the Xanga Weblog entry page. The light cancels out any sort of night vision we meak humans have, and anything beyond the edge of my laptop is a mystery. It is this sort of setup that inspires the midnight, or rather, latenight, musing.
But truly, there really is something to typing late at night. The muse is sort of...lit on fire, really. I should spend more time in the dark, because I feel really inspired right now. And it's bad, because I really should go to bed, and everyone else is getting ready, and this must be horrid for my eyes, but I can't stop.
I was talking to Emma earlier today. I was telling her, there's this girl visiting the friend's house I'm staying at. I've met her before, but I haven't seen her for about five years. She's a friend of my friend Chloe. And for some reason she really reminds me of Aylene. She's the same age, is athletic, and says "sweet" a lot, but other than that, I can't put a finger on it. There's just something that reminds me. And then I was thinking, you know what would be weird? If you were staying with a cousin or a close friend, and someone else came to visit, and you knew that person from real life. And what if there was like some drama between you and the other visiting person? Wouldn't that be weird? It would be so cool, though. I really want that to happen to me.
And then, because I was thinking of Aylene, I was thinking of camp and how much I miss it. It's weird how these things come in waves. I'll be sitting around, and then BOOM, and what do you know, all of a sudden I'm blasted back to the Grassy Knoll and the Lodge and the beach and Low Ropes, and Nature (Nate-cha!), and I can see it, and I can smell it, and I can hear it, and it's just so clear, and I think, why can't I be there now?
Life is really fucked up that way, you know? Like how when you want something most, you can't have it. And the one place you miss more than anything else is only open for eight weeks a year. And you want to fall in love, and then you do, but the person you're in love with lives far, far away, and you'll only ever see him once more, four or five years from your first meeting. Life has a way of tricking you, giving you what you want, but twisting it, so it ends up making you sad.
And you can never decide, you know? I really, really want to see everyone again, and I want to get back to the halls of Hunter and the smells of Ticonderoga pencils and lysol, and open new notebooks, and hang out on the steps and go out to lunch and just hang, you know? But I don't want to go back to classes, I don't want to spend another eight months of dragging my ass to hell and back, through the quagmire of paper and projects, and feel all depressed again. And I just want to go back to 4-H, and I live by the green band on my wrist. I just want to be everywhere you know?
And you think of all of the things you've seen,
And you wish that you could live in between,
And you're back again,
Only different than before,
After the sky.
There are Giants in the sky!
There are big tall terrible awesome scary wonderful
Giants in the sky!
Into the woods rocks. Emma and I used to sing that in the bathroom at 4-H, swear to God.
And then I just said God, and now I miss synagogue (yes, I miss synagogue). Holy fuck, I'm a mess. Why can't I ever stop missing everything?
Someday, when I'm old, I'm going to have to go back to all of the places in my life that I'm homesick for. Start at New York City, then England, and Block Island, and Sanibel, and the the Galapagos, oh god, the Galapagos, and 4-H, and Rome, and everywhere from there on, everywhere, everywhere, until I sit in my home and think of everywhere in my life I've been and what a totally sick ride it's been.
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet!
So it's eleven at night and everyone else is in bed, and I'm sitting on the couch in our friend's house on Block Island, where I'm to sleep for the night, with covers on me and not a light in the room but for my laptop screen and the sleep lights of various electronics around the room.
It's a bit creepy, really, using the laptop at night. The light is so bright in stark contrast to the pitch black of the room that it sort of makes your eyes hurt, especially on the paper white of the Xanga Weblog entry page. The light cancels out any sort of night vision we meak humans have, and anything beyond the edge of my laptop is a mystery. It is this sort of setup that inspires the midnight, or rather, latenight, musing.
But truly, there really is something to typing late at night. The muse is sort of...lit on fire, really. I should spend more time in the dark, because I feel really inspired right now. And it's bad, because I really should go to bed, and everyone else is getting ready, and this must be horrid for my eyes, but I can't stop.
I was talking to Emma earlier today. I was telling her, there's this girl visiting the friend's house I'm staying at. I've met her before, but I haven't seen her for about five years. She's a friend of my friend Chloe. And for some reason she really reminds me of Aylene. She's the same age, is athletic, and says "sweet" a lot, but other than that, I can't put a finger on it. There's just something that reminds me. And then I was thinking, you know what would be weird? If you were staying with a cousin or a close friend, and someone else came to visit, and you knew that person from real life. And what if there was like some drama between you and the other visiting person? Wouldn't that be weird? It would be so cool, though. I really want that to happen to me.
And then, because I was thinking of Aylene, I was thinking of camp and how much I miss it. It's weird how these things come in waves. I'll be sitting around, and then BOOM, and what do you know, all of a sudden I'm blasted back to the Grassy Knoll and the Lodge and the beach and Low Ropes, and Nature (Nate-cha!), and I can see it, and I can smell it, and I can hear it, and it's just so clear, and I think, why can't I be there now?
Life is really fucked up that way, you know? Like how when you want something most, you can't have it. And the one place you miss more than anything else is only open for eight weeks a year. And you want to fall in love, and then you do, but the person you're in love with lives far, far away, and you'll only ever see him once more, four or five years from your first meeting. Life has a way of tricking you, giving you what you want, but twisting it, so it ends up making you sad.
And you can never decide, you know? I really, really want to see everyone again, and I want to get back to the halls of Hunter and the smells of Ticonderoga pencils and lysol, and open new notebooks, and hang out on the steps and go out to lunch and just hang, you know? But I don't want to go back to classes, I don't want to spend another eight months of dragging my ass to hell and back, through the quagmire of paper and projects, and feel all depressed again. And I just want to go back to 4-H, and I live by the green band on my wrist. I just want to be everywhere you know?
And you think of all of the things you've seen,
And you wish that you could live in between,
And you're back again,
Only different than before,
After the sky.
There are Giants in the sky!
There are big tall terrible awesome scary wonderful
Giants in the sky!
Into the woods rocks. Emma and I used to sing that in the bathroom at 4-H, swear to God.
And then I just said God, and now I miss synagogue (yes, I miss synagogue). Holy fuck, I'm a mess. Why can't I ever stop missing everything?
Someday, when I'm old, I'm going to have to go back to all of the places in my life that I'm homesick for. Start at New York City, then England, and Block Island, and Sanibel, and the the Galapagos, oh god, the Galapagos, and 4-H, and Rome, and everywhere from there on, everywhere, everywhere, until I sit in my home and think of everywhere in my life I've been and what a totally sick ride it's been.
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet!