(no subject)
I feel quite disconnected these days, from pretty much everything. My boyfriends, my college work, my friends. I think it’s because Stuart is leaving, I don’t want him to but I have to support him in these choices. I don’t want him moping around Scarborough doing nothing when he has such talent.
I think I’m preparing myself for it without realising, trying to distance myself from him. But this is just pushing him away, but I can’t seem to stop myself because this way, it might hurt less when he moves. How selfish of me.
I was talking to friend earlier about love, and it baffles me that love is this marvellous, spectacular thing, or so society believes, because in my experience, it’s been the most painful, sickening thing I’ve ever felt. Perhaps it’s just me that doesn’t understand.
I think I’m preparing myself for it without realising, trying to distance myself from him. But this is just pushing him away, but I can’t seem to stop myself because this way, it might hurt less when he moves. How selfish of me.
I was talking to friend earlier about love, and it baffles me that love is this marvellous, spectacular thing, or so society believes, because in my experience, it’s been the most painful, sickening thing I’ve ever felt. Perhaps it’s just me that doesn’t understand.