(no subject)
Thank God for this snow. I needed a day for me. I played with the dog for about an hour. I will clean the kitchen and living room later.
I am listening to this Dave Matthew's CD like crazy. I lvoe every song on it, but Grave Digger is probably the best track.
We are going to New Jersey tomorrow. I hope it works out well. I am feeling anger towards my family right now. Last weekend my mother gave my stupid brotherr in law this Teak elephant my dad brought back from Vietnam. I wanted it very badly, and he and my sster both knew this, and they took t anyway. It is causing me a great deal of pain, and I'm having trouble getting over it. I feel entitled to my anger, but it might be blown out of proportion because it is a small expression of 25 years of pain and anger at being one of the lesser siblings in this family.
My mother is actually so insensitive that she said "You just have to accept that your father and Andrew have a special relationship".
I am so full of rage. I've been looking to my higher power on this one, you know, "let go and let God". It's hard to be the better person when you are aching inside. My sister is a shitty person for not standing up for me, and well Andrew has always been a stick up his ass fucking shit head anyway.
So I will go to Jersey one last time this weekend, to help them pack their shit. I am expected to say nothing to my mother about what a shitty mother she is and how much she has been hurting my feelings for years by playing these favorite games. I guess that's what happens when you have six kids. It's ok to make me feel like shit, and completely ignore nick and his cocaine drama, and William's poverty, and love my sisters the most because they married assholes who take care of them and give them babies.
Fuck all of this shit. It is no wonder I have problems with my relationship. There is not one single good example of a relationship in my family. Marya should get a divorce, and when she finally broke down on Valentine's Day because Mark is such an asshole, my mother told her that she needs to suck it up and accept her role as wife and mother. Like it's the cking 1950s and women don't have options.
I am listening to this Dave Matthew's CD like crazy. I lvoe every song on it, but Grave Digger is probably the best track.
We are going to New Jersey tomorrow. I hope it works out well. I am feeling anger towards my family right now. Last weekend my mother gave my stupid brotherr in law this Teak elephant my dad brought back from Vietnam. I wanted it very badly, and he and my sster both knew this, and they took t anyway. It is causing me a great deal of pain, and I'm having trouble getting over it. I feel entitled to my anger, but it might be blown out of proportion because it is a small expression of 25 years of pain and anger at being one of the lesser siblings in this family.
My mother is actually so insensitive that she said "You just have to accept that your father and Andrew have a special relationship".
I am so full of rage. I've been looking to my higher power on this one, you know, "let go and let God". It's hard to be the better person when you are aching inside. My sister is a shitty person for not standing up for me, and well Andrew has always been a stick up his ass fucking shit head anyway.
So I will go to Jersey one last time this weekend, to help them pack their shit. I am expected to say nothing to my mother about what a shitty mother she is and how much she has been hurting my feelings for years by playing these favorite games. I guess that's what happens when you have six kids. It's ok to make me feel like shit, and completely ignore nick and his cocaine drama, and William's poverty, and love my sisters the most because they married assholes who take care of them and give them babies.
Fuck all of this shit. It is no wonder I have problems with my relationship. There is not one single good example of a relationship in my family. Marya should get a divorce, and when she finally broke down on Valentine's Day because Mark is such an asshole, my mother told her that she needs to suck it up and accept her role as wife and mother. Like it's the cking 1950s and women don't have options.