Love In Autumn
Title: Love In Autumn
Author: Me: Mz.Take
Pairing: Jacoby Shaddix/James Hart
Rating: PG-13
Summary: What is death? What is it that makes us hate it so much?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't know, this never happened to them.
Oc_ca_slash entry
Public:
Death; where the cerebellum stops giving orders to the heart to beat, to the lungs to breathe. Where the cerebrum ceases to give all higher order commands, where the sensory receptors cease working, where the axon branch ceases to pass the impulse to the rest of its kind where the effector neurone fails carry out the impulses.
Death; the complete ceasing to live, to have any contact with the living. Death; the separation of mind, body and soul.
But before the physical aspect of death ensues, many of us are dieing or dead inside and there’s nothing any one around us can do, it’s a battle we fight to the end. It is a burden we carry in our breasts.
Death is something that we all have to come to terms with, death in its’ self is not a miracle, it is something that has always happened, therefore always will. The true miracle of death is understanding and acceptance because that is the only thing we can be sure of. A person dies every ten seconds. We are not alone.
Death is what Jacoby had to come to terms with, the grieving process. He had to understand what it was that made him cry when he thought about his dearly beloved, dearly departed, his near twin. The soul which was so entwined into his that he would swear that part of his own left his body with the others’.
James was his name; they had met by sheer accident in a café on a bleak autumn day. Neither of them would have so much as looked at another man as they had looked at each other that day, let alone ever contemplate of spending the rest of their lives with a man.
They looked at each other, stunned silence. Nothing but them. They saw their reflection in each others faces. They could’ve been twins if Jacoby didn’t posses blue eyes and James, hazel-green eyes.
James went over to the other man just to inspect that it was true, that it wasn’t some sick joke, but sure enough it wasn’t. The whole falling in love aspect didn’t come into it until they began talking and found out that they both had interests in the same bands and had almost everything in common, even their slight OCD towards labelling.
James found out that ‘Coby had been mistaken for himself, they laughed at that story because the same exact thing happened to James. It took them a few days to form a strong bond but from that moment they became inseparable.
It was only one day a good few months after this friendship, that the two professed their love to each other. After dinner in the middle of the spring, they went for a walk. It was all so perfect. So surreal.
“I think…” James had said out of the blue.
“You think what?” ‘Coby had whispered.
“I think that… I think…. That I may like you as more than a friend… I think I want you.” He whispered in response.
“I think I want you also.” ‘Coby had whispered back.
Both afraid to break the quiet atmosphere, they kissed, heatedly, passionately, soft sweet, cautiously. The kiss held everything a kiss between two lovers should. On they walked, placing small pecks on each others’ cheeks as they walked along.
They really had fallen in love and it was another two weeks before they took that monumental step in their lives, two weeks before James made love to ‘Coby, his near twin. Just like Narcissus, they fell in love with their own reflections.
They were more than just lovers, they were friends, they were family. They had an inseparable bond. So when the flood came and in the moments that followed proceeded to take James from Jacoby it was inconceivable.
The rain was pelting against the windows of the house the two men shared. James was on his way back from work and Jacoby had just gotten home. The latter turned on the TV as background noise as he got undressed the jingle for the news station came on and flood pictures followed.
“Rain floods southern California, houses swept away, lives lost. A bridge crossing has collapsed and two cars have been found, so far none have been confirmed dead but three cars have fallen through. All passengers sustaining serious injuries.” A blond haired news woman read out.
Jacoby turned to the television as he heard this. Helicopter footage was being shown and there, as if in a movie, was James’ car, battered, broken. And James?
Jacoby put his shirt back on and raced to his own car.
James had been on the bridge about to cross halfway when the part he was about to cross began to crack and open at an alarmingly fast rate. He slammed on the breaks but the road was too wet and the car skidded towards the crack in the road. The crack had opened more due to the force of the water beneath.
His car stopped just on the pinnacle and he saw the water gushing inside the crack causing it to widen more. The vehicle was balancing its self on the edge of the crack now, but the rain was seemingly coming even stronger, aiding him to fall. It was a good five minutes before the crack got wide enough down the bottom and the car fell through.
James saw his life in-front of his eyes, all the mistakes he’d buried to the bottom of his soul and passed as forgotten surfaced up. Jacoby’s smiling face was looking at him. James’ eyes watered and tears fell out. His head crashed against the steering wheel with a sickening thud as the car catapulted down and he blacked out.
Jacoby arrived at the scene, the barricade had already been put up and the police officers and paramedics were there pulling the bodies out the cars which had fallen through. A news helicopter flying over-head. He looked onto the scene shocked. Time seemed to stop, the rain seemed to stop, semi- Matrix style. All he saw was chaos, wreckage, despair.
The family of the other car was on the other side and soon enough he’d be joined by James’ family. Suddenly he felt so alone and vulnerable. His stomach churned and tightened into a nervous knot, his eyes didn’t water. His eyes seemed to have forgotten how to. Suddenly he had forgotten how to cry, or maybe he was saving all his tears up for later. As if each precious drop of saline could somehow fix what had been done.
He walked over to the barricade and looked, he could see the cars over the edge of the bridge turned cliff, the water gushing through and suddenly he was enraged. He was angry at the government for building this bridge, for causing this mess. He was angry with God.
“Excuse me, you’re not allowed here, family only.” An officer said.
“I’m his lover…” Jacoby stated.
“ Of whom, sorry?” The officer asked.
“The man in the black Jaguar, James Hart. I need to get in, I need to see him.” Jacoby said, desperately trying to get through.
“OK, ok, listen, you’ll have to go to the paramedics and tell them who you are.” He said opening the make- shift gate.
Jacoby made his way through to the ambulances bleary eyed, the knot in his stomach was growing tighter and a lump the size of a base ball had formed in his throat, blocking his trachea.
“Excuse me, I’m looking for the man you found in the black Jaguar.” He stated.
The paramedic pointed to an ambulance and slowly ‘Coby trudged along the slippery remainder of a road. He was soaked to his skin now, the rain hadn’t let down yet.
“Hi, I’m Jacoby Shaddix and I’m looking for James Hart, he was in the black Jaguar.” He mumbled to the ‘medic, scanning him over. “Joe” his tag read, short hair and slightly built.
“Ok, Jacoby, he’s right here but I’m afraid he wont... I’m so sorry.” The medic called Joe said. He really did sound sorry, but what would he know about losing some one close to him?
As soon as he entered the ambulance he felt sick, the knot in his stomach doubled in intensity and the lump in hi throat grew until it asphyxiated him.
James was a bloody mess, his beautiful black hair, a sopping mess against his forehead, a respirator helping him to breathe and what seemed like bloodied gauze on his head.
“We… we tried… he’s haemorrhaged internally and bleeding around his frontal, left lobe. We tried to drain and stop the bleeding but… I’m afraid he wont make it.” Joe said, sounding sympathetic.
‘Coby sunk to his knees in the small area of the ambulance and grasped his lover’s cold, wet hand in his own and began to cry.
Well what about protecting my family and friends, God? He asked in his mind. Why did this happen to him, the only person I truly ever loved.
He was so lost, the BP monitor beeping to indicate his heart was still beating. James was completely comatose, it wasn’t James anymore, it was just a shell. Everything that was James was gone, never to come back again.
All Jacoby wanted was a hug from him right now, all he wanted was for him to be ok, but everything wasn’t. James was gone, his brain was gone, his soul was gone. ‘Coby knew it was gone because he felt It when he heard the presenter, he felt the pang deep inside his own soul reverberating until the non- existent vibrations caused a non- existent earthquake in Jacoby.
“Shall we take him off life support?” Asked the medic.
“No, I need to say goodbye, his family needs to say goodbye. Ask them.” ‘Coby answered.
They say that when you die your whole life flashes before your eyes and James’ did, he saw his school life, his fears and aspirations, his childhood, his adulthood and any and every concert he’d been to. All his friends, his family, his mum and dad, his brothers and sister. He was sorry that he was going and wouldn’t get a chance to say goodbye. This wasn’t how he’d always pictured the end.
Everything, all the feelings he was hiding were laid out to him, all in the one second. He was very alert and he thought all the feeling would be what killed him but it wasn’t and he knew it. He knew the truth, that the road had opened up and taken him down.
He left a hole in every ones souls, he took part of Jacoby’s soul with his and now they all had some thinking to do.
What’s the meaning of life? To die? Probably, but not only that, the meaning of life, to Jacoby, was to simply exist, to serve the cycle so that God could test his new and ingenious ideas on little puppets and then kill them off when he didn’t have anymore need for them.
Well what did God know? God didn’t know that mall of the little test subjects he killed off were some one and something to someone else. That’s what James was, he was someone to his family, he was a brother, a son, a cousin, a nephew, an uncle, a boyfriend, a love of someone’s life. Even if some one is a homeless bum they are still some one.
What Jacoby had to come to terms with wasn’t the meaning of life, but what affected him most about death. He found a conclusion, finally after searching for what felt like forever.
To him, what affected him most about death, what really broke him down about James being gone was: he couldn’t have conversations with him, couldn’t feel the heat of his body next to his anymore, couldn’t call him anymore just to say: ‘I love you’, or just to talk. What he missed most of all; was James. This was his conclusion to what affected people most about death. It wasn’t that the person was gone. It was that they were never coming back.
So Jacoby waits, like Penelope waiting for Ulysses to come back to Ithaca from his battles in Troy, waits for his lover. For the day he and his lover may be together again. Together forever, just them in eternity to live on in the hands of the afterlife, no religions to worry about, nothing. Just them.
A/N: this is dedicated to all the people that died in the recent floods here in NSW and to the families of all those people. Also this is dedicated to the families of the victims and the victims of the train wreckage in Victoria.
Author: Me: Mz.Take
Pairing: Jacoby Shaddix/James Hart
Rating: PG-13
Summary: What is death? What is it that makes us hate it so much?
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't know, this never happened to them.
Oc_ca_slash entry
Public:
Death; where the cerebellum stops giving orders to the heart to beat, to the lungs to breathe. Where the cerebrum ceases to give all higher order commands, where the sensory receptors cease working, where the axon branch ceases to pass the impulse to the rest of its kind where the effector neurone fails carry out the impulses.
Death; the complete ceasing to live, to have any contact with the living. Death; the separation of mind, body and soul.
But before the physical aspect of death ensues, many of us are dieing or dead inside and there’s nothing any one around us can do, it’s a battle we fight to the end. It is a burden we carry in our breasts.
Death is something that we all have to come to terms with, death in its’ self is not a miracle, it is something that has always happened, therefore always will. The true miracle of death is understanding and acceptance because that is the only thing we can be sure of. A person dies every ten seconds. We are not alone.
Death is what Jacoby had to come to terms with, the grieving process. He had to understand what it was that made him cry when he thought about his dearly beloved, dearly departed, his near twin. The soul which was so entwined into his that he would swear that part of his own left his body with the others’.
James was his name; they had met by sheer accident in a café on a bleak autumn day. Neither of them would have so much as looked at another man as they had looked at each other that day, let alone ever contemplate of spending the rest of their lives with a man.
They looked at each other, stunned silence. Nothing but them. They saw their reflection in each others faces. They could’ve been twins if Jacoby didn’t posses blue eyes and James, hazel-green eyes.
James went over to the other man just to inspect that it was true, that it wasn’t some sick joke, but sure enough it wasn’t. The whole falling in love aspect didn’t come into it until they began talking and found out that they both had interests in the same bands and had almost everything in common, even their slight OCD towards labelling.
James found out that ‘Coby had been mistaken for himself, they laughed at that story because the same exact thing happened to James. It took them a few days to form a strong bond but from that moment they became inseparable.
It was only one day a good few months after this friendship, that the two professed their love to each other. After dinner in the middle of the spring, they went for a walk. It was all so perfect. So surreal.
“I think…” James had said out of the blue.
“You think what?” ‘Coby had whispered.
“I think that… I think…. That I may like you as more than a friend… I think I want you.” He whispered in response.
“I think I want you also.” ‘Coby had whispered back.
Both afraid to break the quiet atmosphere, they kissed, heatedly, passionately, soft sweet, cautiously. The kiss held everything a kiss between two lovers should. On they walked, placing small pecks on each others’ cheeks as they walked along.
They really had fallen in love and it was another two weeks before they took that monumental step in their lives, two weeks before James made love to ‘Coby, his near twin. Just like Narcissus, they fell in love with their own reflections.
They were more than just lovers, they were friends, they were family. They had an inseparable bond. So when the flood came and in the moments that followed proceeded to take James from Jacoby it was inconceivable.
The rain was pelting against the windows of the house the two men shared. James was on his way back from work and Jacoby had just gotten home. The latter turned on the TV as background noise as he got undressed the jingle for the news station came on and flood pictures followed.
“Rain floods southern California, houses swept away, lives lost. A bridge crossing has collapsed and two cars have been found, so far none have been confirmed dead but three cars have fallen through. All passengers sustaining serious injuries.” A blond haired news woman read out.
Jacoby turned to the television as he heard this. Helicopter footage was being shown and there, as if in a movie, was James’ car, battered, broken. And James?
Jacoby put his shirt back on and raced to his own car.
James had been on the bridge about to cross halfway when the part he was about to cross began to crack and open at an alarmingly fast rate. He slammed on the breaks but the road was too wet and the car skidded towards the crack in the road. The crack had opened more due to the force of the water beneath.
His car stopped just on the pinnacle and he saw the water gushing inside the crack causing it to widen more. The vehicle was balancing its self on the edge of the crack now, but the rain was seemingly coming even stronger, aiding him to fall. It was a good five minutes before the crack got wide enough down the bottom and the car fell through.
James saw his life in-front of his eyes, all the mistakes he’d buried to the bottom of his soul and passed as forgotten surfaced up. Jacoby’s smiling face was looking at him. James’ eyes watered and tears fell out. His head crashed against the steering wheel with a sickening thud as the car catapulted down and he blacked out.
Jacoby arrived at the scene, the barricade had already been put up and the police officers and paramedics were there pulling the bodies out the cars which had fallen through. A news helicopter flying over-head. He looked onto the scene shocked. Time seemed to stop, the rain seemed to stop, semi- Matrix style. All he saw was chaos, wreckage, despair.
The family of the other car was on the other side and soon enough he’d be joined by James’ family. Suddenly he felt so alone and vulnerable. His stomach churned and tightened into a nervous knot, his eyes didn’t water. His eyes seemed to have forgotten how to. Suddenly he had forgotten how to cry, or maybe he was saving all his tears up for later. As if each precious drop of saline could somehow fix what had been done.
He walked over to the barricade and looked, he could see the cars over the edge of the bridge turned cliff, the water gushing through and suddenly he was enraged. He was angry at the government for building this bridge, for causing this mess. He was angry with God.
“Excuse me, you’re not allowed here, family only.” An officer said.
“I’m his lover…” Jacoby stated.
“ Of whom, sorry?” The officer asked.
“The man in the black Jaguar, James Hart. I need to get in, I need to see him.” Jacoby said, desperately trying to get through.
“OK, ok, listen, you’ll have to go to the paramedics and tell them who you are.” He said opening the make- shift gate.
Jacoby made his way through to the ambulances bleary eyed, the knot in his stomach was growing tighter and a lump the size of a base ball had formed in his throat, blocking his trachea.
“Excuse me, I’m looking for the man you found in the black Jaguar.” He stated.
The paramedic pointed to an ambulance and slowly ‘Coby trudged along the slippery remainder of a road. He was soaked to his skin now, the rain hadn’t let down yet.
“Hi, I’m Jacoby Shaddix and I’m looking for James Hart, he was in the black Jaguar.” He mumbled to the ‘medic, scanning him over. “Joe” his tag read, short hair and slightly built.
“Ok, Jacoby, he’s right here but I’m afraid he wont... I’m so sorry.” The medic called Joe said. He really did sound sorry, but what would he know about losing some one close to him?
As soon as he entered the ambulance he felt sick, the knot in his stomach doubled in intensity and the lump in hi throat grew until it asphyxiated him.
James was a bloody mess, his beautiful black hair, a sopping mess against his forehead, a respirator helping him to breathe and what seemed like bloodied gauze on his head.
“We… we tried… he’s haemorrhaged internally and bleeding around his frontal, left lobe. We tried to drain and stop the bleeding but… I’m afraid he wont make it.” Joe said, sounding sympathetic.
‘Coby sunk to his knees in the small area of the ambulance and grasped his lover’s cold, wet hand in his own and began to cry.
Well what about protecting my family and friends, God? He asked in his mind. Why did this happen to him, the only person I truly ever loved.
He was so lost, the BP monitor beeping to indicate his heart was still beating. James was completely comatose, it wasn’t James anymore, it was just a shell. Everything that was James was gone, never to come back again.
All Jacoby wanted was a hug from him right now, all he wanted was for him to be ok, but everything wasn’t. James was gone, his brain was gone, his soul was gone. ‘Coby knew it was gone because he felt It when he heard the presenter, he felt the pang deep inside his own soul reverberating until the non- existent vibrations caused a non- existent earthquake in Jacoby.
“Shall we take him off life support?” Asked the medic.
“No, I need to say goodbye, his family needs to say goodbye. Ask them.” ‘Coby answered.
They say that when you die your whole life flashes before your eyes and James’ did, he saw his school life, his fears and aspirations, his childhood, his adulthood and any and every concert he’d been to. All his friends, his family, his mum and dad, his brothers and sister. He was sorry that he was going and wouldn’t get a chance to say goodbye. This wasn’t how he’d always pictured the end.
Everything, all the feelings he was hiding were laid out to him, all in the one second. He was very alert and he thought all the feeling would be what killed him but it wasn’t and he knew it. He knew the truth, that the road had opened up and taken him down.
He left a hole in every ones souls, he took part of Jacoby’s soul with his and now they all had some thinking to do.
What’s the meaning of life? To die? Probably, but not only that, the meaning of life, to Jacoby, was to simply exist, to serve the cycle so that God could test his new and ingenious ideas on little puppets and then kill them off when he didn’t have anymore need for them.
Well what did God know? God didn’t know that mall of the little test subjects he killed off were some one and something to someone else. That’s what James was, he was someone to his family, he was a brother, a son, a cousin, a nephew, an uncle, a boyfriend, a love of someone’s life. Even if some one is a homeless bum they are still some one.
What Jacoby had to come to terms with wasn’t the meaning of life, but what affected him most about death. He found a conclusion, finally after searching for what felt like forever.
To him, what affected him most about death, what really broke him down about James being gone was: he couldn’t have conversations with him, couldn’t feel the heat of his body next to his anymore, couldn’t call him anymore just to say: ‘I love you’, or just to talk. What he missed most of all; was James. This was his conclusion to what affected people most about death. It wasn’t that the person was gone. It was that they were never coming back.
So Jacoby waits, like Penelope waiting for Ulysses to come back to Ithaca from his battles in Troy, waits for his lover. For the day he and his lover may be together again. Together forever, just them in eternity to live on in the hands of the afterlife, no religions to worry about, nothing. Just them.
A/N: this is dedicated to all the people that died in the recent floods here in NSW and to the families of all those people. Also this is dedicated to the families of the victims and the victims of the train wreckage in Victoria.