FIC: Wish you were here (Sam/Dean, nc-17, pining, first time, angst)

[citrusjava]

Title: Wish You Were Here
Gifter: citrusjava
Pairing/Characters: Dean/Sam
Word count: 3000
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: [read]Angst, angst, angst. Pining. Dub-con. Ableist notions. Background mentions of spoilers up to 12x07, rape, torture, self harm, self sacrifice. Mentions of canon character death, mourning.
Fic-spoiling warning: [read]hurt no comfort. Be warned.
A/

Comments

[supernutjapan]

OMG That is so so sad *blows nose*

[citrusjava]

Aw - sorry, sweetie....

Thank you for commenting, though!!

[tragakes]

This struck a chord for me - reading this was like realising some sort of deepest fear. You know that, as wincest shippers, or even fans of SPN, this is the single most horrifying thing that could happen. Sam and Dean falling out of love. It's the axiom of the show and the ship. Taking it away breaks my heart, man.

I'm sure your giftee will love this. Thank you for putting your heart into this <3 It must have been crushing to write.

[citrusjava]

omg, you're lovely. Thank you so so much for this earnest, beautiful message, it means so much. Also, why are we not already friends :)

Yes, I was definitely ugly-crying my way through writing this one.... but it was a relief....

[tragakes]

We're not already friends because I don't use lj much!! But I'd love to be your friend, if you'd have me (:

Awww <3 I'm glad you found your relief, at least.

[citrusjava]

I'd love to :)
If you're more comfortable with e-mail or Tumblr, I'm there, but please don't feel obligated! You seem awesome, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable :)

[stonenumberone]

My heart is aching. Truly, I was not able to close this tab without leaving a little note first.

I have been in and out of Supernatural for the past few months, and this was the first fic I've read in months now, as shameful as it is. I saw the promise of angst and I was drawn right back in, and I wasn't disappointed.

The fluidity of Sam's memories, how visceral they were, sucked me in right away. And as the story continued, my heart grew heavier, because I was trying to ready myself for the inevitable leap off the cliff and into heartbreak. You filled me with hope at Sam asking, even more when Dean agreed, and then vacuumed my heart straight out of my chest with "Gonna pretend you’re Megan Fox."

I'm devastated. Thank you.

[citrusjava]

Wow, this is an honor, thaank you!

This was written to work through my own pain around fandom, maybe some of that resonated with you ....

Regardless - thank you so, so much for this lovely comment!
It is actually a pretty new experience - thank you very much! This is my first full blown angst fic, and wow, so much of my life I feel guilty if I make anyone even a little bit sad - but now you're telling me this and I am grinning with delight!
Thank you so so much for sharing your experience throughout reading - it's wonderful to be told! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

[kalliel]

Commenting so I can bookmark in Gmail~ I'm so looking forward to this!

[citrusjava]

Sweetie, you are wonderful and also deserve such a fantastic weekend!!!!! You aways do - and this one even more importantly ok

[ladygreytowers]

This just killed me! Oh, the loss of Deans affections and Caring for Sam is just........ I have no words. And still they just continue on. Each of them loosing not only each other but a part of themselves in the process. Now, I need my tissue box. This must have been very hard to write. But you did it so well. Thanks

[citrusjava]

Aw - sweetie, thank you so so so so much....! I'm sorry I made you sad!

And thank you so so so so much for the empathy.... yes, I was ugly-sobbing through writing this....