just why i haven't been here

[citrusjava]

there was something very triggery on lj -
so just - needed to go into "ball form"....

now -

Comments

[kalliel]

Oh, bb. <3333333 So much love to you right now, for all the reasons. If you want a listener, or anything at all, I'm here for you.

[citrusjava]

t hank you so so much, means a lot, bb

[tabaqui]

I'm so very sorry. I hope you can find some comfort here on LJ amongst people you know.
*offers hugs*

[citrusjava]

t hank you so so so much ....

[casey28]

I'm so sorry. Sending you comforting thoughts and love. <3

[citrusjava]

thank you very very muh- you r omforting very appreiated

[belleweather]

Oh no. No matter what the relationship, that's got to be a complicated bundle of suck. Be nice to yourself, and we'll be thinking of you as you sort through this.

[citrusjava]

thank you so much, this is such a kin thoughtful reply

[kat_lair]

Oh darling :((( I'm so sorry to hear about this. Even if a parental relationship is difficult/abusive/bad etc, the death will still be a hard thing to face. Perhaps even doubly so as there is a feeling of things left unresolved. *sits with you quietly and holds your wrist* Be kind to yourself. Be angry. Cry, shout, laugh, have fun, kick the walls. Whatever helps, all is allowed. Your grief and how you express it is yours. <3

[citrusjava]

these are lovely things....

Probably the main feeling I remain with so far is guilt - with moments of horror, relief, hopelessness or sadness, isolation and fond memories, and guiltagain.... i try to do the 'taking caree of myself ' thing, watch silly tv, do uni work, and i try being around people at least a little....

anyway - thank you thank you o much !