yeah, you and me, we could light up the sky
You may remember my genderswapped Odyssey casting from January. Well, apparently I couldn't stay away from the genderswapping for long. I suspect there is some interesting Freudian reason why I enjoy doing this so much (aside from getting to pick the people I find most attractive, oh hello again Katie McGrath et al), but until that's been fully analysed, enjoy:
Narrator
A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars or do we gaze at the stars because we are human?" Pointless really. Do the stars gaze back? Now that's a question.
Sir Ian McKellen → Dame Judi Dench
Tristan Thorne
Everlasting life? I imagine it would be kind of lonely. Well, maybe if you had someone to share it with. Someone you loved. Then it might be different.
Charlie Cox → Mia Wasikowska
Yvaine
But of course! Nothing says "romance" like the gift of a kidnapped injured woman!
Claire Danes → Matt Smith
« Wall »
Victoria Forester
You may walk me home if you wish.
Sienna Miller → Samuel Barnett
Humphrey
Tristan Thorn: shop boy by day, peeping Tom by night. Is there no end to your charms?
Henry Cavill → Katie McGrath
Young Dunstan Thorne
Do you see another world out there? No, you see a field. Do you see anything non human? No, and you know why? Because it's a field!
Ben Barnes → Amanda Seyfried
Dunstan Thorne
Tristan, I can tell you that every man I ever envied when I was a boy has led an unremarkable life. So you don't fit with the popular crowd. Now, I take that as a very good omen.
Nathaniel Parker → Rosamund Pike
« Faërie »
Lamia
I seek a fallen star. She fell not far from here, and when I find her, I shall take my great knife and cut out her heart while she still lives, and the glory of our youth shall be restored!
Michelle Pfeiffer → Mark Strong
Mormo
You'll be needing what's left of the last star.
Joanna Scanlan → James Corden
Empusa
You used the last one, Lamia, 200 years ago. Do you not recall?
Sarah Alexander → Dominic Cooper
Ditchwater Sal
I don't deal with time wasters. [to Una] Get over here and tend this stall. I'm off to "The Slaughtered Prince" for a pint.
Melanie Hill → Philip Glenister
Captain Shakespeare
Ever tried to get bloodstains out of a silk shirt? Nightmare!
Robert de Niro → Emma Thompson
Ferdy the Fence
Two hundred? Okay. You're having a laugh. Have you had your head in that? Has he been sailing up where the air's too thin?
Ricky Gervais → Lenora Crichlow
Voice of the Stars
There's no time to waste. A coach is coming. By any means possible, you must get on it. Run!
[uncredited] → Alan Rickman
« Stormhold »
King of Stormhold
Only he of royal blood can restore the ruby. And the one of you that does so shall be the new King of Stormhold.
Peter O'Toole → Helen Mirren
Primus
I'm afraid that's impossible. I'm on a quest of enormous importance.
Jason Flemyng → Romola Garai
Secundus
Oh, please, you're not annoyed about that whole murder thing, are you? I mean, that was ten years ago.
Rupert Everett → Talulah Riley
Tertius
No, Father, it's me, your son... Nobody has seen Una for years now.
Mark Heap → Sheridan Smith
Quartus
Great deal of good it did killing me, didn't it, Secundus? Because now, of course, you are King of all Stormhold. Oh, sorry, wait, you're dead.
Julian Rhind-Tutt → Sue Perkins
Quintus
Adam Buxton → Lacey Turner
Sextus
David Walliams → Olivia Hallinan
Septimus
Has excessive begging or pleading ever persuaded me to spare the life of a traitor?
Mark Strong → Andrea Riseborough
Princess Una
I'm a princess, tricked into being a witch's slave. Will you liberate me?
Kate Magowan → Matthew Goode
Narrator
A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars or do we gaze at the stars because we are human?" Pointless really. Do the stars gaze back? Now that's a question.
Sir Ian McKellen → Dame Judi Dench
Tristan Thorne
Everlasting life? I imagine it would be kind of lonely. Well, maybe if you had someone to share it with. Someone you loved. Then it might be different.
Charlie Cox → Mia Wasikowska
Yvaine
But of course! Nothing says "romance" like the gift of a kidnapped injured woman!
Claire Danes → Matt Smith
« Wall »
Victoria Forester
You may walk me home if you wish.
Sienna Miller → Samuel Barnett
Humphrey
Tristan Thorn: shop boy by day, peeping Tom by night. Is there no end to your charms?
Henry Cavill → Katie McGrath
Young Dunstan Thorne
Do you see another world out there? No, you see a field. Do you see anything non human? No, and you know why? Because it's a field!
Ben Barnes → Amanda Seyfried
Dunstan Thorne
Tristan, I can tell you that every man I ever envied when I was a boy has led an unremarkable life. So you don't fit with the popular crowd. Now, I take that as a very good omen.
Nathaniel Parker → Rosamund Pike
« Faërie »
Lamia
I seek a fallen star. She fell not far from here, and when I find her, I shall take my great knife and cut out her heart while she still lives, and the glory of our youth shall be restored!
Michelle Pfeiffer → Mark Strong
Mormo
You'll be needing what's left of the last star.
Joanna Scanlan → James Corden
Empusa
You used the last one, Lamia, 200 years ago. Do you not recall?
Sarah Alexander → Dominic Cooper
Ditchwater Sal
I don't deal with time wasters. [to Una] Get over here and tend this stall. I'm off to "The Slaughtered Prince" for a pint.
Melanie Hill → Philip Glenister
Captain Shakespeare
Ever tried to get bloodstains out of a silk shirt? Nightmare!
Robert de Niro → Emma Thompson
Ferdy the Fence
Two hundred? Okay. You're having a laugh. Have you had your head in that? Has he been sailing up where the air's too thin?
Ricky Gervais → Lenora Crichlow
Voice of the Stars
There's no time to waste. A coach is coming. By any means possible, you must get on it. Run!
[uncredited] → Alan Rickman
« Stormhold »
King of Stormhold
Only he of royal blood can restore the ruby. And the one of you that does so shall be the new King of Stormhold.
Peter O'Toole → Helen Mirren
Primus
I'm afraid that's impossible. I'm on a quest of enormous importance.
Jason Flemyng → Romola Garai
Secundus
Oh, please, you're not annoyed about that whole murder thing, are you? I mean, that was ten years ago.
Rupert Everett → Talulah Riley
Tertius
No, Father, it's me, your son... Nobody has seen Una for years now.
Mark Heap → Sheridan Smith
Quartus
Great deal of good it did killing me, didn't it, Secundus? Because now, of course, you are King of all Stormhold. Oh, sorry, wait, you're dead.
Julian Rhind-Tutt → Sue Perkins
Quintus
Adam Buxton → Lacey Turner
Sextus
David Walliams → Olivia Hallinan
Septimus
Has excessive begging or pleading ever persuaded me to spare the life of a traitor?
Mark Strong → Andrea Riseborough
Princess Una
I'm a princess, tricked into being a witch's slave. Will you liberate me?
Kate Magowan → Matthew Goode