things................
ok so i have been dating this boy named ben rohde for about 4 months or sumthing like that & yes i do really like him but lately i have been just feeling totally oposite for sum reason i dont exactly know why because he hasnt changed & he has did nuthing wrong but i also am late on a certain thing & im fresking out & that could be why to but i trust him i dunno neways i got a new job at krekels dairy maid its cool except i have to work every day i really want a job at a retail colthing store damnit i just have no motivation at all during the day to get up & do anything because i work all night then usualy go to bens i dont kn oi guess im just bored with my life because i do the same thing every day nuthing new even on the weekends the same thing every weekend heres my week; go to work at 5 till 1045 then home or bens wake up at 4 if im at home to go to work & if i stayed at bens i get up at 930 ten to bed again when i get home that happens every day till friday then friday i get up for work get off then go to bens every one is drinking arounf me & lately for the past like 5 weeks i havent drank because its boring to do it every weekend at the same place with the same people doing nuthing but sitting around drinking & smoking "cigs" its so boring & i think that s why im not satisfied with ben because we never do anything different we dont even go out to breakfast or dinner any more it sucks really bad but at least i have a job now though i need to save money i havent yet not one cent but im going to start i owe jake 20 dollars i will pay you back by the waty i just dont ever have the money when you want it sprry newho im getting off probations in a few days that reminds me to go do my community service this cooming week b4 the 8th of may man i havent wrote in here in forever but i have alot to talk about i guess so i decied to i dunno me & carrie arent friends any more i decided that we were arguing but now we are ok im just ignoring her because its best we arent friends because we are so different now & i hate her boyfriend hes an ass hole hes so judgemental & he dosent even know me but newho yea i hope things are goin well for her though i kno alot of shit shes been through latley i have tried to help as much as possible without getin hated by her family even though her aunt hates me im sure of it even though i never did nething wrong carrie dose it all herself i swear & if she dose it because of me then she needs to get her own life because im not the best person to look up to believe me i have been in to much trouble but i dont think she looks up to me but sumtimes the things she dose reminds me of me & i think she tries to live up to my standards in sum ways but shes her own person i dont kno neways i need new friends or the old ones i had back or sumting because i think i hate my life right now but i have been through this b4 ill get over it soon i hope i think its just this new job or sumthing or i just need to smoke & drink because i quit both but i quit quiting quiting is for quiters! & i havent gottin any for a while damnit i really think thats it myboyfriend sux brittney always is telling me about her sex life she gets it about 2 to 3 times a day y not me damnit at least 1ce a day not 1ce every3 to 4 days shit im s girl & u would think he would want it more god hes a guy for christ sakes but he dosent i dont kno why maybe i dont satisfy him which i hope thats not y i mean he was talking about pornos today i dunno but im goin to go now i cant keep ramleing on any more god i talk to much bye bye~