✗34
...And here I am again, just as if nothing ever happened. And no climax. We died, but we're back, only three days later. I could have very well been hiding in my room for three days and it would have had the exact same effect. Lovely, isn't it?
...I feel relieved. Still disoriented somehow, but... at the same time, a lot clearer than I have been in the past days, weeks. You are supposed to lose a memory, but so far I only seem to remember more instead of less.
The moment I fell? You wouldn't believe how many thoughts can run through a person's head before they hit the ground. There shouldn't be enough time to think about so many things and reach so many conclusions, but... I thought I didn't remember what happened the first time. All I remembered was that slow fade out and the dull pain that wasn't just physical. Now? I actually remember more than that. I remember that--oh, Rubedo, remind me to take my shotgun and shoot you in the chest a few times, just to return the favor--feeling of losing breath until everything just closed up. Lying there, as if paralyzed even though I was most certainly not dead. Perhaps, I was alive until the Durandal... it was destroyed, wasn't it?
I remember these things now, and I feel a lot calmer, and very much clearer.
I suppose "dying" a second time reminded me of what living is like, and even if we aren't truly alive in this rotten place, it's... something. Afterlife or a cruel joke, whatever it is, I'm here and ... there is nothing but being here. There is no eternal sleep, no eternal rest I wonder where Nigredo is and---can I ever be where he is? ... There is only this hell. Being alive, and yet not.
Rubedo. I admit, I... envy you. Breaking out of the world made of only us and Father so easily, and going with that pitiful woman. What was her name? Miz... Mizrahi? She was the daughter of Mizrahi, wasn't she? I cannot.. think of her name. Is that what I have forgotten? The meaningless name of a little girl that never spoke a word to the world? How disappointing. It wasn't even an important memory. Mizrahi's daughter. The other reason... But...
I feel... better. And I don't think I want to die again. Not right now.
And the good news? My leg completely recovered. I will no longer be a cripple nor is there any scar left. Death does have its good sides, I suppose.
...Graham. I might have just fallen into the ranks of rodents with you for trying something as ridiculous as this. Where were we? Ferret? Squirrel? I know I degraded you back to duck a while ago, but...
...I feel relieved. Still disoriented somehow, but... at the same time, a lot clearer than I have been in the past days, weeks. You are supposed to lose a memory, but so far I only seem to remember more instead of less.
The moment I fell? You wouldn't believe how many thoughts can run through a person's head before they hit the ground. There shouldn't be enough time to think about so many things and reach so many conclusions, but... I thought I didn't remember what happened the first time. All I remembered was that slow fade out and the dull pain that wasn't just physical. Now? I actually remember more than that. I remember that--oh, Rubedo, remind me to take my shotgun and shoot you in the chest a few times, just to return the favor--feeling of losing breath until everything just closed up. Lying there, as if paralyzed even though I was most certainly not dead. Perhaps, I was alive until the Durandal... it was destroyed, wasn't it?
I remember these things now, and I feel a lot calmer, and very much clearer.
I suppose "dying" a second time reminded me of what living is like, and even if we aren't truly alive in this rotten place, it's... something. Afterlife or a cruel joke, whatever it is, I'm here and ... there is nothing but being here. There is no eternal sleep, no eternal rest I wonder where Nigredo is and---can I ever be where he is? ... There is only this hell. Being alive, and yet not.
Rubedo. I admit, I... envy you. Breaking out of the world made of only us and Father so easily, and going with that pitiful woman. What was her name? Miz... Mizrahi? She was the daughter of Mizrahi, wasn't she? I cannot.. think of her name. Is that what I have forgotten? The meaningless name of a little girl that never spoke a word to the world? How disappointing. It wasn't even an important memory. Mizrahi's daughter. The other reason... But...
I feel... better. And I don't think I want to die again. Not right now.
And the good news? My leg completely recovered. I will no longer be a cripple nor is there any scar left. Death does have its good sides, I suppose.
...Graham. I might have just fallen into the ranks of rodents with you for trying something as ridiculous as this. Where were we? Ferret? Squirrel? I know I degraded you back to duck a while ago, but...