✗72
[Private to self // Unhackable]
Comrades... What... is the real meaning of that word? Do comrades even exist? And what is the point of having comrades if they might just disappear again?
Nigredo... You and I... we were the same. Were you my comrade, Nigredo? Why did Rubedo abandon us? Why were we created? For what purpose were we brought into this world if we were only meant to fail? For what purpose do things exist when they have no real use?
Father taught me not to grieve. Father taught me not to listen to emotions. Father taught me not to call him that in order to avoid forming an emotional attachment, but I...
Graham. Why did you... Why did your leaving affect me so much that I showed weakness, unable to hold it in? Is that the sentimentality you keep so dear to you? Why am I so angry at you for leaving, when I know that it is a natural process and that duty always comes before personal needs? Why can I not let it go? And why does it feel as if something kicked me in the gut when there is no physical harm connected to your disappearance whatsoever?
...Maybe, the suddenness of it all is what really affects me. It was unexpected. It was inconvenient. It was a nuisance.. You disappeared when I had just been talking to you, without a proper warning. A sloppy way of leaving, Graham. Not even this, you can do right. I expect you to make up for it when we... I... I will be waiting. I promised. And I will keep my promise.
So.
Duty continues. As does eternity, spent in this place. A single loss shouldn't become a hinderance to productivity, and Soma... Soma has returned. At least... if nothing else...
Why would anyone believe that sentimentality is a good thing?
There are things to be done.
The scientist, the analysis of the substances, the monster hunting.
Number 668. You are stronger than that.
[/private]