I'm an anxious fuck
I'm an anxiety riddled person, restaurants make me nervous, classes, malls, and large crowds in general make me nauseous and light headed from fear. Basically, I hate being around people. And sports? FUCK do I not enjoy most sports, love watching hockey but everything else escapes me. So yesterday afternoon at f-ish my Aunt calls my Dad and goes "I have two tickets, want to take your son to a nats game?" The Nats are our local major league baseball team, the first one for DC in a long time, I live maybe an hour from the new Nationals Stadium. However, my Dad and brother couldn't go because my brother had coach-pitch practice last night. So my aunt's going to go alone and I (horrifyingly) go "I want to go!" after my dad hangs up. So, my mom calls my aunt and goes "Well, your niece would love to go!" So I have half an hour to get ready.
Now, I've never been a big fan of baseball, lots of people, it's hot, it's kind of boring, but I wanted out of the house, the painting I was working was starting to hurt my eyes and I wanted to get out of the house. So I get ready, smoke a cigarette to calm my nerves and wait for my aunt to get to my house, she picks me up, we get there, we park in the season ticket holders parking spot (my aunt's NOT a season ticket holder but she had season tickets through connections.) We go to our seats which are right in front of the freaking visitors dugout. This was the second game of the season so it wasn't packed or anything (not like it is normally, we're a pretty sucky team) and we're playing the Phillies, so A) loud people all around us B) being in front of a dugout means possibly being on TV. So we're there, the game starts, my aunts taking pictures of the game, and honestly, I was pretty into the game. I don't know shit about baseball however, so my aunts explaining things to me. Everything's pretty cool until we leave at the end of the fifth inning because my aunt had to get up at 5 the next morning and I had class at 9:30 so I was leaving at 8.
Before we leave my aunt needs to use the bathroom so she leaves me standing in front of some food stands and stuff to wait for her with her camera bag, people are walking all around me and I start having a panic attack. Everything was loud and obnoxious and it felt like everything was swirling almost, I couldn't tell which way was up or down, I'm just freaking the fuck out. This is why I stay home. I start frantically texting to appear busy and distract myself from everything and then my aunt shows up out of nowhere almost and scares the living shit out of me. We make our way out, and everything's okay at that point. But seriously, those last five minutes in that stadium lasted an hour to me, I was so freaked out and so discombobulated and just generally nervous and panicked.
I've dealt with panic attacks for years without knowing what they were until a few months ago when my therapist explained them to me. But basically there's nothing I can do to stop them but maybe going out more like this will help them.
< END LJ ENTRY >
PS: sorry for the wall of text explaining like FIVE MINUTES, but I was freaking out most of the game I promise :)
Now, I've never been a big fan of baseball, lots of people, it's hot, it's kind of boring, but I wanted out of the house, the painting I was working was starting to hurt my eyes and I wanted to get out of the house. So I get ready, smoke a cigarette to calm my nerves and wait for my aunt to get to my house, she picks me up, we get there, we park in the season ticket holders parking spot (my aunt's NOT a season ticket holder but she had season tickets through connections.) We go to our seats which are right in front of the freaking visitors dugout. This was the second game of the season so it wasn't packed or anything (not like it is normally, we're a pretty sucky team) and we're playing the Phillies, so A) loud people all around us B) being in front of a dugout means possibly being on TV. So we're there, the game starts, my aunts taking pictures of the game, and honestly, I was pretty into the game. I don't know shit about baseball however, so my aunts explaining things to me. Everything's pretty cool until we leave at the end of the fifth inning because my aunt had to get up at 5 the next morning and I had class at 9:30 so I was leaving at 8.
Before we leave my aunt needs to use the bathroom so she leaves me standing in front of some food stands and stuff to wait for her with her camera bag, people are walking all around me and I start having a panic attack. Everything was loud and obnoxious and it felt like everything was swirling almost, I couldn't tell which way was up or down, I'm just freaking the fuck out. This is why I stay home. I start frantically texting to appear busy and distract myself from everything and then my aunt shows up out of nowhere almost and scares the living shit out of me. We make our way out, and everything's okay at that point. But seriously, those last five minutes in that stadium lasted an hour to me, I was so freaked out and so discombobulated and just generally nervous and panicked.
I've dealt with panic attacks for years without knowing what they were until a few months ago when my therapist explained them to me. But basically there's nothing I can do to stop them but maybe going out more like this will help them.
< END LJ ENTRY >
PS: sorry for the wall of text explaining like FIVE MINUTES, but I was freaking out most of the game I promise :)