Turbo iCyber Laser e2000-tron
Remember the vapid marketing buzzwords of yesteryear?
The words that lazy ad men would tack onto mediocre products... apparently to spice them up or something?
My favorites:
"Turbo" This one seemed to appear sometime in the mid eighties. I think it's supposed to draw from the inherent wickedness of fast cars in general, Kitt's Turbo Boost in particular. Anything could be repainted a brighter color, have the word "turbo" printed on it with a "swooshy" font, and sold for 20% more.
"Laser" I can't recall if this entered the cultural zeitgeist before or after Turbo. (Maybe before... was it launched by Star Wars, maybe?) I'm guessing that this word was supposed to lend a high-tech, kinda dangerous feel to... cleaning spray, exercise bikes, or shaving razors or whatever.
"2000" Obviously, this was employed BEFORE the dull, boring, no-robots-at-all year 2000. I guess the ad men hoped to convey the sense of awe and possibility contained in the YEAR 2000! So... this could not have been used any later than 1990, when it became clear than a radical futuristic world was not a decade away. In fact, the year 2000 was less "2000" than 1984 was "1984." I think NBC's Thursday night lineup in the late 80's was too powerful and slowed progress. This crappy gimmick has been lampooned ruthlessly by Conan O'Brien, among others.
"Cyber" I think this came later, perhaps in the early 90s, although I'm having a hard time tying this to a cultural event. I realize that it has roots in Gibson's sci-fi "cyberpunk" genre... but I won't give that credit. Wait, I think I remember now: this word popped up right when more people had heard about the new-fangled "internets" than actually seen how lame it was. (Oh! Animated GIFs! WOAH.) So, I think this word was supposed to capture the idea of cutting-edge information. Instead, I think it ended up on every other crappy plastic trinket with a battery, a blinking red LED, and a small speaker that made electronic-y sounds.
"-tron" My guess is that it was trying to capture some geek chic from that oh-so-hip world of chemistry, borrowing the kick-ass suffix from the end of elementary particles! Electron! Neutron! Prot- oh, wait. Positron! Tack "-tron" to something and it almost became an unstoppable robot version of whatever it used to be. (Unless it was, in fact, Robotron, which sucked.) You could take even a dull word, like "diet" and with a little suffix surgery, you get Dietron! A mighty diet with cosmic power! I credit both Tron and the Transformers with this trend, but I have no idea where it really started. Maybe there.
"e-" That one is easiest to trace. Obviously started with the advent of email, apparently to denote that whatever comes after it is now the *electronic* version! Oooh. Here comes the eCrap! Of course, that's all yesterday's fad because now we can enjoy:
"i-" The lower case way to capitalize on Mac's iPod uber design chops. Take anything that had an "e-" and it already has an "i-" or will shortly, or is going for that retro thing. At work today (I'm not kidding...) they installed a Starbucks coffee machine that brews individual cups on demand. It's called a... (wait for it) "iCup." Ask Bunkadoo about the wisdom of that name. Spell it out, giggle. Seriously, somebody thought we could think more highly of a coffee maker because it didn't just brew cups... it brews iCups. Which to me means "swimming goggles."
What, oh what, I ask you, will be the next vapid marketing word fad?
The words that lazy ad men would tack onto mediocre products... apparently to spice them up or something?
My favorites:
"Turbo" This one seemed to appear sometime in the mid eighties. I think it's supposed to draw from the inherent wickedness of fast cars in general, Kitt's Turbo Boost in particular. Anything could be repainted a brighter color, have the word "turbo" printed on it with a "swooshy" font, and sold for 20% more.
"Laser" I can't recall if this entered the cultural zeitgeist before or after Turbo. (Maybe before... was it launched by Star Wars, maybe?) I'm guessing that this word was supposed to lend a high-tech, kinda dangerous feel to... cleaning spray, exercise bikes, or shaving razors or whatever.
"2000" Obviously, this was employed BEFORE the dull, boring, no-robots-at-all year 2000. I guess the ad men hoped to convey the sense of awe and possibility contained in the YEAR 2000! So... this could not have been used any later than 1990, when it became clear than a radical futuristic world was not a decade away. In fact, the year 2000 was less "2000" than 1984 was "1984." I think NBC's Thursday night lineup in the late 80's was too powerful and slowed progress. This crappy gimmick has been lampooned ruthlessly by Conan O'Brien, among others.
"Cyber" I think this came later, perhaps in the early 90s, although I'm having a hard time tying this to a cultural event. I realize that it has roots in Gibson's sci-fi "cyberpunk" genre... but I won't give that credit. Wait, I think I remember now: this word popped up right when more people had heard about the new-fangled "internets" than actually seen how lame it was. (Oh! Animated GIFs! WOAH.) So, I think this word was supposed to capture the idea of cutting-edge information. Instead, I think it ended up on every other crappy plastic trinket with a battery, a blinking red LED, and a small speaker that made electronic-y sounds.
"-tron" My guess is that it was trying to capture some geek chic from that oh-so-hip world of chemistry, borrowing the kick-ass suffix from the end of elementary particles! Electron! Neutron! Prot- oh, wait. Positron! Tack "-tron" to something and it almost became an unstoppable robot version of whatever it used to be. (Unless it was, in fact, Robotron, which sucked.) You could take even a dull word, like "diet" and with a little suffix surgery, you get Dietron! A mighty diet with cosmic power! I credit both Tron and the Transformers with this trend, but I have no idea where it really started. Maybe there.
"e-" That one is easiest to trace. Obviously started with the advent of email, apparently to denote that whatever comes after it is now the *electronic* version! Oooh. Here comes the eCrap! Of course, that's all yesterday's fad because now we can enjoy:
"i-" The lower case way to capitalize on Mac's iPod uber design chops. Take anything that had an "e-" and it already has an "i-" or will shortly, or is going for that retro thing. At work today (I'm not kidding...) they installed a Starbucks coffee machine that brews individual cups on demand. It's called a... (wait for it) "iCup." Ask Bunkadoo about the wisdom of that name. Spell it out, giggle. Seriously, somebody thought we could think more highly of a coffee maker because it didn't just brew cups... it brews iCups. Which to me means "swimming goggles."
What, oh what, I ask you, will be the next vapid marketing word fad?