One more thing!
After nearly two months of (unintentional) 'fic hiatus, I suppose it may seem suspicious for me to finally post something in that vein on April Fools' Day. But I assure you, El-Jay, my intentions, unlike my mind, are pure! Yes! I prove this to you with many exclamation points!
That said, here is something maybe two people total will read. I nabbed "Jackie Chan Adventures" for 1fandom (using word list #10, because everyone else had chosen #1 and I wanted to be different), both since it is one of the many relics of my fandom childhood, and also since "Star Wars" got nabbed within about ten seconds of the community's inception. Obviously, this will also be cross-posted there, as well as at jca_fans, which has been deader than most of Wal-Mart's feeder fish after you bring them home. As with my 1sentence assignment, this contains a heinous misuse of semi-colons, for which I am truly apologetic. Rated PG-ish; this is very gen-flavored, so any pairings are implied, at best.
*
Let Sleeping Demons Lie
*
1. No.
It wasn’t that the word ‘no’ was inherently misunderstood by Jade; it was simply that she chose to interpret it as an obligatory yet wholly unenforced warning, and thus ignored it accordingly.
2. Athlete.
It was not until the Dark Hand had wrapped itself so inescapably around his life that Jackie’s finely-honed athleticism was truly put to the test.
3. Journey.
“Journey begins with single step,” Uncle often said; Jackie wondered sometimes, though, just how many more ‘steps’ he would have to take before this talisman quest was truly over.
4. Hate.
It was a strange thing, he supposed, being Japanese, but Tohru was as much a fan of fish as Section 13 was of magic.
5. Rend.
The yin-yang talisman, used to obtain a more perfect spiritual balance between two halves, was, ironically, mostly adept at rendering those two halves into completely separate entities.
6. Carnival.
Amusement parks had long lost most of their charm for Jackie; but he caught a glimpse of Jade’s ecstatic face as she managed to convince Tohru to brave the Tornado rollercoaster with her at Moose World, and he decided he could grin and bear it for her.
7. Would.
If he could have done it differently, Jackie supposed he wouldn’t have attempted to destroy the talismans, thus scattering their powers - and his grueling efforts to retain them in the first place - to the wind.
8. Fight.
The greatest battle is that which is never fought, Jackie often told her; Jade did not completely understand the wisdom behind his words until she stumbled upon an enemy that she could not simply fight and defeat: herself.
9. Character.
Jade’s poor performance in school, Jackie decided, was borne more from her restlessness in a desk environment rather than an inherent flaw in her character or mental abilities; requisitioning magical artifacts and helping to take down world-renowned criminals, on the other hand, was where his spunky niece truly shined.
10. Woman.
Some would consider Jackie Chan a brave man, able to defeat demons, evil Chi wizards, and run-of-the-mill thugs with equal aplomb; women, however, only served to prove how much of a chicken he really was.
11. Moment.
He wanted to kill Chan, to do away with his most hated enemy, his most formidable foe; then he hesitated, giving Chan leverage to pull himself up over the corner of the cliff, and both the moment, and Valmont’s advantage, passed.
12. Upset.
‘Upset’ would have been the understatement of nine centuries if attributed to the anger Shendu felt at being thwarted, and by a mere human at that; he was, in fact, quite livid, and Chan would pay.
13. Sweet.
Of all the words that came to Jackie’s mind as the rope was tugged off the ground by the airplane he was tethered to, Jade’s exclamation of “sweet!” was not one of them.
14. Sight.
Before Section 13, fire-breathing demons, folding paper men, and necklaces that could transport the wearer anywhere they wished were all sights unseen by Jackie; now, however, the extraordinary and supernatural seemed almost mundane to him.
15. Numb.
Becoming a human statue, courtesy of Valmont and some mysterious dark magic, had been a trying experience for Jackie, not least of all for the near-paralysis that stayed with him for most of the following day.
16. Shell.
Once Shendu was defeated and the Dark Hand dismembered, and Valmont found himself prowling the streets in search of avenues to promote petty crimes, he admitted to himself that he was merely a shell of the man the world at large once knew.
17. Wizard.
Daolon Wong’s dark presence was palpable when he entered the shrine, and though they were hiding, Jade couldn’t help whistling under her breath: “whoa - seriously evil wizard coming through.”
18. More.
No matter how much money or power he managed to acquire, Valmont craved more; this would ultimately be his downfall, more than a partnership with even the most ruthless of demons.
19. Universe.
Altering the Book of Ages had been a detailed and difficult endeavor, Shendu mused from his throne, but ultimately worth it; the universe was now his, and nobody, not even Jackie Chan, would stand in his way.
20. Ache.
It was a sudden and unnerving toothache that had Tohru awake and restless well after the sun had set, leading to his increased interest in ice cream, and a very cranky Uncle.
21. Wind.
He’d begun to get the hang of prison, his assumed tough guy disguise commandeering enough respect that his fellow inmates left him alone; and then the wind demon appeared, and his cover was, ironically, blown.
22. Escape.
Escape from prison was rather simple, the Enforcers found, once you got the hang of it; or at least, it seemed sophomoric compared to trying to escape their latest demonic boss.
23. Like.
In retrospect, Jade would come to realize that she chose friends based on their shared love of adventure; she doubted she would ever like anybody as much as she did saving the world.
24. Devil.
Passing one another briefly in the busy personal corridor of Section 13 one morning, Jade’s devilish smirk aimed strategically in Jackie’s direction startled him; not because it was the first time he’d seen her looking mischievous, but because he’d made a point of saying he wouldn’t be caught dead in the pair of musical Santa Claus boxers Viper had sent him as a joke, and now laundry day - and Jade - had made a liar of him.
25. Song.
She wasn’t sure her ears could be trusted, but as she crept closer the back room of Uncle’s shop, her eyes confirmed her suspicions: accompanied by a small jig, Uncle was humming a lullaby to none other than his mungbean sandwich.
26. Euphemism.
Jackie didn’t like to admit it, but Jade had been around him long enough to know that, ‘I’m going to a boring and completely bland archaeological dig’ really meant, ‘my next mission is going to be dangerous and out of this world, and if you should just happen to show up out of the blue, I’ll be too wrapped up fighting evil to send you back home’.
27. Dealt.
Valmont was pretty much the last being that Shendu would have chosen to share a body with, but after nine-hundred years of incarceration as a statue, he knew he had no choice but to play the hand he was dealt.
28. Romance.
Tohru had not intended to get caught, but Jade was simply too sly not to notice a pattern regarding his frequent trips to the post office; and begrudgingly, he realized that her suggestions for sprucing up his love letters to a special pen-pal he’d met during a mission in Tokyo were very helpful.
29. Heed.
It was rare for Jade to heed anyone’s words, but even she did not argue when Jackie (nervously) volunteered to face down a Chi-enhanced Drago.
30. Let.
Traveling back in time gave him the opportunity to reflect on what he would change if he could; he very nearly sent Jade back to Hong Kong at one point, but he realized how much they’d been through together, and let himself put the phone back down.
31. Compose.
Her parents expected her to write them about her life in America, to tell them what she’d been learning under her uncles’ collective guidance; somehow, she didn’t think demon-hunting and artifact-gathering - easily the best parts - would put them at ease, however.
32. Switch.
Their body switch had been a fluke, a surprising defeat for Uncle, whose magical abilities were relatively pronounced; still, Jade secretly did not mind the opportunity to be Jackie Chan, and was somewhat disappointed when Uncle successfully created a counter spell quite so soon afterwards.
33. Rule.
“Aaiiyaahh, first rule of magic: never talk about Uncle’s spells to little hoodlums,” Uncle snapped after Jade brought yet another of her friends of ill repute home; this one had beady eyes and put his grubby fingers all over a fourteenth-century vase, and Uncle hated him immediately.
34. Calm.
Jackie’s true success when it came to fighting, Jade saw quickly, was that he didn’t have an aggressive bone in his body; he honed his skills without anger, emanating an all-pervading calm that made everything he did look deceptively easy.
35. Beast.
His mother had told him stories of the Chupacabra when he was much younger, and Paco had always had a healthy amount of skepticism for it; and then his hero was bitten by the beast, and he quickly set his doubts aside and concentrated on saving El Toro’s life.
36. Missing.
When the alarm sounded in the vault, Jackie groaned inwardly; doubtless a talisman was “missing” again, and he would have bet money that his mischievous niece was, too.
37. Pulse.
The music pulsed through the thick walls of Section 13, Jade’s latest attempt, apparently, to indoctrate her extended family of sorts into whatever tuneless noise she was a self-proclaimed fan of this week.
38. Brush.
Though he knew Jade was often unconventional, it disturbed Jackie to know that the set of archaeology tools he’d bought her were mostly being used to apply makeup and open cans.
39. Warning.
She’d yelled at them not to come in, but the crashing sounds emanating from Jade’s room were disturbing and suspicious; “tried to warn you,” she grinned sheepishly as Jackie edged the door open and barely missed being showered by an avalanche of Jade’s bedroom paraphernalia.
40. Field.
It had been a risky endeavor, releasing a creature proven to be unfaithful in his dealings, but Uncle knew that if they were ever to even the playing field against Drago, they had no choice; wearily, he fitted the talismans into their specific grooves of Shendu’s stone encasement, and waited.
41. Bronze.
Some men collected fine art in mediums of gold or marble or bronze; but Chang had always been, and always would be, singularly fascinated by jade.
42. Core.
On the surface, he was merely a spirit, confined to the nether realms by Chi spells and his own non-corporeal form; but at the core, he was an invincible warrior, and only had to bide his time a while longer before his weak human enemies would unwittingly set him free.
43. Mask.
The knowledge that all nine Oni masks had been collected and were now mingling in one vault should have brought a sense of relief; but just as Jackie stepped back to admire their handy work, the walls began to shake, and he knew this was going to be a long day.
44. Justice.
Valmont looked so scruffy and unfinished when the authorities caught up with him again that Jackie almost felt sympathetic, but he knew that prison was the only place the fallen crime lord could be properly contained; justice would be served.
45. Weight.
His size had often been an asset to the J-Team, but Tohru knew his weight had gotten out of control the day he sat in one of Uncle’s antique wicker chairs and heard it crack, just before he ended up sprawled on the ground.
46. Replace.
His first official attempt at exercising, therefore, was jogging to the nearest furniture store with Jade to purchase a substitute that would, hopefully, mollify Uncle’s anger at least somewhat.
47. If.
“If I can’t see the sights and sounds of Paris,” Jade mused aloud as she finished casting her summoning spell, “then I’ll just have to bring the sights and sounds of Paris to San Francisco.”
48. Code.
It was frustrating not being able to figure out the code to open the Pan-Ku box, and the notion that Ratso, of all people, had succeeded in this where he had failed did not make Jackie feel any better.
49. When.
All her life, the phrase “when you’re older” had followed Jade around like an annoying sibling; when she did finally grow up, she vowed, she wouldn’t mourn the loss of her childhood - ever.
50. Sigh.
With a long-suffering sigh and a weary promise to himself that, someday, he would have a desk job, Jackie was ready to face down whatever demons, magical sorcerers, or defective spell of Jade’s that the day had in store for him.
*
Am off to see "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector" with the brotherlet in a little while. Sadly, that is not an April Fools' Day joke, either. On a brighter note, neither is the news that Randy Harrison and Simon Dumenco got hitched. Seriously, I am ridiculously happy for them both; I hope they celebrated by going to one of those naked sushi places and stabbing Rosie O'Donnell with the chopsticks.
That said, here is something maybe two people total will read. I nabbed "Jackie Chan Adventures" for 1fandom (using word list #10, because everyone else had chosen #1 and I wanted to be different), both since it is one of the many relics of my fandom childhood, and also since "Star Wars" got nabbed within about ten seconds of the community's inception. Obviously, this will also be cross-posted there, as well as at jca_fans, which has been deader than most of Wal-Mart's feeder fish after you bring them home. As with my 1sentence assignment, this contains a heinous misuse of semi-colons, for which I am truly apologetic. Rated PG-ish; this is very gen-flavored, so any pairings are implied, at best.
*
Let Sleeping Demons Lie
*
1. No.
It wasn’t that the word ‘no’ was inherently misunderstood by Jade; it was simply that she chose to interpret it as an obligatory yet wholly unenforced warning, and thus ignored it accordingly.
2. Athlete.
It was not until the Dark Hand had wrapped itself so inescapably around his life that Jackie’s finely-honed athleticism was truly put to the test.
3. Journey.
“Journey begins with single step,” Uncle often said; Jackie wondered sometimes, though, just how many more ‘steps’ he would have to take before this talisman quest was truly over.
4. Hate.
It was a strange thing, he supposed, being Japanese, but Tohru was as much a fan of fish as Section 13 was of magic.
5. Rend.
The yin-yang talisman, used to obtain a more perfect spiritual balance between two halves, was, ironically, mostly adept at rendering those two halves into completely separate entities.
6. Carnival.
Amusement parks had long lost most of their charm for Jackie; but he caught a glimpse of Jade’s ecstatic face as she managed to convince Tohru to brave the Tornado rollercoaster with her at Moose World, and he decided he could grin and bear it for her.
7. Would.
If he could have done it differently, Jackie supposed he wouldn’t have attempted to destroy the talismans, thus scattering their powers - and his grueling efforts to retain them in the first place - to the wind.
8. Fight.
The greatest battle is that which is never fought, Jackie often told her; Jade did not completely understand the wisdom behind his words until she stumbled upon an enemy that she could not simply fight and defeat: herself.
9. Character.
Jade’s poor performance in school, Jackie decided, was borne more from her restlessness in a desk environment rather than an inherent flaw in her character or mental abilities; requisitioning magical artifacts and helping to take down world-renowned criminals, on the other hand, was where his spunky niece truly shined.
10. Woman.
Some would consider Jackie Chan a brave man, able to defeat demons, evil Chi wizards, and run-of-the-mill thugs with equal aplomb; women, however, only served to prove how much of a chicken he really was.
11. Moment.
He wanted to kill Chan, to do away with his most hated enemy, his most formidable foe; then he hesitated, giving Chan leverage to pull himself up over the corner of the cliff, and both the moment, and Valmont’s advantage, passed.
12. Upset.
‘Upset’ would have been the understatement of nine centuries if attributed to the anger Shendu felt at being thwarted, and by a mere human at that; he was, in fact, quite livid, and Chan would pay.
13. Sweet.
Of all the words that came to Jackie’s mind as the rope was tugged off the ground by the airplane he was tethered to, Jade’s exclamation of “sweet!” was not one of them.
14. Sight.
Before Section 13, fire-breathing demons, folding paper men, and necklaces that could transport the wearer anywhere they wished were all sights unseen by Jackie; now, however, the extraordinary and supernatural seemed almost mundane to him.
15. Numb.
Becoming a human statue, courtesy of Valmont and some mysterious dark magic, had been a trying experience for Jackie, not least of all for the near-paralysis that stayed with him for most of the following day.
16. Shell.
Once Shendu was defeated and the Dark Hand dismembered, and Valmont found himself prowling the streets in search of avenues to promote petty crimes, he admitted to himself that he was merely a shell of the man the world at large once knew.
17. Wizard.
Daolon Wong’s dark presence was palpable when he entered the shrine, and though they were hiding, Jade couldn’t help whistling under her breath: “whoa - seriously evil wizard coming through.”
18. More.
No matter how much money or power he managed to acquire, Valmont craved more; this would ultimately be his downfall, more than a partnership with even the most ruthless of demons.
19. Universe.
Altering the Book of Ages had been a detailed and difficult endeavor, Shendu mused from his throne, but ultimately worth it; the universe was now his, and nobody, not even Jackie Chan, would stand in his way.
20. Ache.
It was a sudden and unnerving toothache that had Tohru awake and restless well after the sun had set, leading to his increased interest in ice cream, and a very cranky Uncle.
21. Wind.
He’d begun to get the hang of prison, his assumed tough guy disguise commandeering enough respect that his fellow inmates left him alone; and then the wind demon appeared, and his cover was, ironically, blown.
22. Escape.
Escape from prison was rather simple, the Enforcers found, once you got the hang of it; or at least, it seemed sophomoric compared to trying to escape their latest demonic boss.
23. Like.
In retrospect, Jade would come to realize that she chose friends based on their shared love of adventure; she doubted she would ever like anybody as much as she did saving the world.
24. Devil.
Passing one another briefly in the busy personal corridor of Section 13 one morning, Jade’s devilish smirk aimed strategically in Jackie’s direction startled him; not because it was the first time he’d seen her looking mischievous, but because he’d made a point of saying he wouldn’t be caught dead in the pair of musical Santa Claus boxers Viper had sent him as a joke, and now laundry day - and Jade - had made a liar of him.
25. Song.
She wasn’t sure her ears could be trusted, but as she crept closer the back room of Uncle’s shop, her eyes confirmed her suspicions: accompanied by a small jig, Uncle was humming a lullaby to none other than his mungbean sandwich.
26. Euphemism.
Jackie didn’t like to admit it, but Jade had been around him long enough to know that, ‘I’m going to a boring and completely bland archaeological dig’ really meant, ‘my next mission is going to be dangerous and out of this world, and if you should just happen to show up out of the blue, I’ll be too wrapped up fighting evil to send you back home’.
27. Dealt.
Valmont was pretty much the last being that Shendu would have chosen to share a body with, but after nine-hundred years of incarceration as a statue, he knew he had no choice but to play the hand he was dealt.
28. Romance.
Tohru had not intended to get caught, but Jade was simply too sly not to notice a pattern regarding his frequent trips to the post office; and begrudgingly, he realized that her suggestions for sprucing up his love letters to a special pen-pal he’d met during a mission in Tokyo were very helpful.
29. Heed.
It was rare for Jade to heed anyone’s words, but even she did not argue when Jackie (nervously) volunteered to face down a Chi-enhanced Drago.
30. Let.
Traveling back in time gave him the opportunity to reflect on what he would change if he could; he very nearly sent Jade back to Hong Kong at one point, but he realized how much they’d been through together, and let himself put the phone back down.
31. Compose.
Her parents expected her to write them about her life in America, to tell them what she’d been learning under her uncles’ collective guidance; somehow, she didn’t think demon-hunting and artifact-gathering - easily the best parts - would put them at ease, however.
32. Switch.
Their body switch had been a fluke, a surprising defeat for Uncle, whose magical abilities were relatively pronounced; still, Jade secretly did not mind the opportunity to be Jackie Chan, and was somewhat disappointed when Uncle successfully created a counter spell quite so soon afterwards.
33. Rule.
“Aaiiyaahh, first rule of magic: never talk about Uncle’s spells to little hoodlums,” Uncle snapped after Jade brought yet another of her friends of ill repute home; this one had beady eyes and put his grubby fingers all over a fourteenth-century vase, and Uncle hated him immediately.
34. Calm.
Jackie’s true success when it came to fighting, Jade saw quickly, was that he didn’t have an aggressive bone in his body; he honed his skills without anger, emanating an all-pervading calm that made everything he did look deceptively easy.
35. Beast.
His mother had told him stories of the Chupacabra when he was much younger, and Paco had always had a healthy amount of skepticism for it; and then his hero was bitten by the beast, and he quickly set his doubts aside and concentrated on saving El Toro’s life.
36. Missing.
When the alarm sounded in the vault, Jackie groaned inwardly; doubtless a talisman was “missing” again, and he would have bet money that his mischievous niece was, too.
37. Pulse.
The music pulsed through the thick walls of Section 13, Jade’s latest attempt, apparently, to indoctrate her extended family of sorts into whatever tuneless noise she was a self-proclaimed fan of this week.
38. Brush.
Though he knew Jade was often unconventional, it disturbed Jackie to know that the set of archaeology tools he’d bought her were mostly being used to apply makeup and open cans.
39. Warning.
She’d yelled at them not to come in, but the crashing sounds emanating from Jade’s room were disturbing and suspicious; “tried to warn you,” she grinned sheepishly as Jackie edged the door open and barely missed being showered by an avalanche of Jade’s bedroom paraphernalia.
40. Field.
It had been a risky endeavor, releasing a creature proven to be unfaithful in his dealings, but Uncle knew that if they were ever to even the playing field against Drago, they had no choice; wearily, he fitted the talismans into their specific grooves of Shendu’s stone encasement, and waited.
41. Bronze.
Some men collected fine art in mediums of gold or marble or bronze; but Chang had always been, and always would be, singularly fascinated by jade.
42. Core.
On the surface, he was merely a spirit, confined to the nether realms by Chi spells and his own non-corporeal form; but at the core, he was an invincible warrior, and only had to bide his time a while longer before his weak human enemies would unwittingly set him free.
43. Mask.
The knowledge that all nine Oni masks had been collected and were now mingling in one vault should have brought a sense of relief; but just as Jackie stepped back to admire their handy work, the walls began to shake, and he knew this was going to be a long day.
44. Justice.
Valmont looked so scruffy and unfinished when the authorities caught up with him again that Jackie almost felt sympathetic, but he knew that prison was the only place the fallen crime lord could be properly contained; justice would be served.
45. Weight.
His size had often been an asset to the J-Team, but Tohru knew his weight had gotten out of control the day he sat in one of Uncle’s antique wicker chairs and heard it crack, just before he ended up sprawled on the ground.
46. Replace.
His first official attempt at exercising, therefore, was jogging to the nearest furniture store with Jade to purchase a substitute that would, hopefully, mollify Uncle’s anger at least somewhat.
47. If.
“If I can’t see the sights and sounds of Paris,” Jade mused aloud as she finished casting her summoning spell, “then I’ll just have to bring the sights and sounds of Paris to San Francisco.”
48. Code.
It was frustrating not being able to figure out the code to open the Pan-Ku box, and the notion that Ratso, of all people, had succeeded in this where he had failed did not make Jackie feel any better.
49. When.
All her life, the phrase “when you’re older” had followed Jade around like an annoying sibling; when she did finally grow up, she vowed, she wouldn’t mourn the loss of her childhood - ever.
50. Sigh.
With a long-suffering sigh and a weary promise to himself that, someday, he would have a desk job, Jackie was ready to face down whatever demons, magical sorcerers, or defective spell of Jade’s that the day had in store for him.
*
Am off to see "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector" with the brotherlet in a little while. Sadly, that is not an April Fools' Day joke, either. On a brighter note, neither is the news that Randy Harrison and Simon Dumenco got hitched. Seriously, I am ridiculously happy for them both; I hope they celebrated by going to one of those naked sushi places and stabbing Rosie O'Donnell with the chopsticks.