What is with me lately?
I've been so seamlessly happy for the last few months, yet the past week or two there have been a few depressing nights that really have me thinking I'll never find resolve with my brain chemistry.
Tonight is one of those nights, and I'm not so sure what it is. I have a lot to be happy about. I guess I also have a lot to be sad about.
Let's make a list.
Happy
Bonnaroo - It's in three days. I re-checked the forecast today and it's not supposed to rain. Not only that, but the high is 88 degrees. That's amazingly beautiful Bonnaroo weather. So all of my doubts and worries about rain and horrendous heat have entirely dissolved.
Gambling - You will also find it in the negatives, but I close the day with $80 than I had before today, bringing my total winnings in the past week up to $220. I went 4/4 on my First Inning bets, but 0/3 otherwise. I think it's wise for me to just stick with those.
Music - It never fails to make me happy(ier), and right now is no different. If I was deaf I would undoubtedly kill myself. I also saw an awesome show last night, making me look even more forward to Bonnaroo.
Phillies - Tomorrow I'm going to the Phillies game after work and I'm super excited about it. Getting wasted and screaming for three hours never fails to appease anyone from Philadelphia.
Sad
Work - Yesterday I got in an argument with my boss which lead to me going to TGI Friday's for lunch. While there I ordered a beer, got halfway through it and my boss came in. When I got back to work we sat down and talked for a few minutes, which resulted in me signing a written warning. A warning which will be submitted to my managers that are higher up, and who knows what they'll do. I have to go into work at 8am tomorrow and work with her for eight hours. It's easy to say I was her favorite employee before this moment, and this changes things a lot. I can't help but feel like I'm going to get fired tomorrow considering it's my last day before a one week vacation.
Gambling - While I end the day with $80 more, I've lost $80 in the last two hours. I'd put this as the primary cause, but unfortunately I was sad even before this. This just made me more numb to it, which in ways improved my feeling. But it's still a negative nonetheless.
People - I can't help but feel like a lot of the people I know in life are just a part of my imagination. I guess they partially are because I mostly talk to people online and rarely go out and be social. I'm starting to realize the negative effects of it. When someone you could easily consider your best friend gives you nothing but sarcasm online, it's hard to analyze the validity of your friendship in an accurate manner. Couple this in with your underage friends calling you to buy them alcohol, and for no other reason. Sometimes it just feels like everyone uses everyone else for their own personal gain, and once they're above you and have nothing to gain from you, you're worthless and thus nonexistent.
Money - What is it with people owing you money and flat out LYING to you about when and how they're going to pay you back? Whenever I owe someone money (rare moments) I make it a priority to get them their money back, because I acknowledge the favor that was done for me. Apparently no one else I know is like this, because everyone I've loaned money to the last couple months has done nothing but toy with me in getting it back to me. On another financial note, what is it with buying something, and then THREE months later it getting billed to you? For my mom's birthday I got her a subscription to People Magazine (March). It was JUST billed to me YESTERDAY. Yes, I noticed that it hadn't been billed. But the timing couldn't have been more inconvenient. My Bonnaroo fund of $300 was initially tapped to buy Guitar Hero, in full anticipation of getting a $200 check from my friend. That unnamed friend is the same one who was broke for Coachella, and who I loaned over $300 to. Now, I'm finding myself broke for Bonnaroo, because my Bonnaroo fund has now dipped down to $45 thanks to People Magazine.
Honesty - Is anyone/can anyone be honest anymore? Enough said.
Looking at it, it looks like I have a little more reasoning to be upset than I do happy, and it mostly has to do with money. And it mostly has to do with getting fucked over by your friend that you worked so hard to help out. Where is karma when you need it? Pretty much all of my respect for him has vanished.
Tonight is one of those nights, and I'm not so sure what it is. I have a lot to be happy about. I guess I also have a lot to be sad about.
Let's make a list.
Happy
Bonnaroo - It's in three days. I re-checked the forecast today and it's not supposed to rain. Not only that, but the high is 88 degrees. That's amazingly beautiful Bonnaroo weather. So all of my doubts and worries about rain and horrendous heat have entirely dissolved.
Gambling - You will also find it in the negatives, but I close the day with $80 than I had before today, bringing my total winnings in the past week up to $220. I went 4/4 on my First Inning bets, but 0/3 otherwise. I think it's wise for me to just stick with those.
Music - It never fails to make me happy(ier), and right now is no different. If I was deaf I would undoubtedly kill myself. I also saw an awesome show last night, making me look even more forward to Bonnaroo.
Phillies - Tomorrow I'm going to the Phillies game after work and I'm super excited about it. Getting wasted and screaming for three hours never fails to appease anyone from Philadelphia.
Sad
Work - Yesterday I got in an argument with my boss which lead to me going to TGI Friday's for lunch. While there I ordered a beer, got halfway through it and my boss came in. When I got back to work we sat down and talked for a few minutes, which resulted in me signing a written warning. A warning which will be submitted to my managers that are higher up, and who knows what they'll do. I have to go into work at 8am tomorrow and work with her for eight hours. It's easy to say I was her favorite employee before this moment, and this changes things a lot. I can't help but feel like I'm going to get fired tomorrow considering it's my last day before a one week vacation.
Gambling - While I end the day with $80 more, I've lost $80 in the last two hours. I'd put this as the primary cause, but unfortunately I was sad even before this. This just made me more numb to it, which in ways improved my feeling. But it's still a negative nonetheless.
People - I can't help but feel like a lot of the people I know in life are just a part of my imagination. I guess they partially are because I mostly talk to people online and rarely go out and be social. I'm starting to realize the negative effects of it. When someone you could easily consider your best friend gives you nothing but sarcasm online, it's hard to analyze the validity of your friendship in an accurate manner. Couple this in with your underage friends calling you to buy them alcohol, and for no other reason. Sometimes it just feels like everyone uses everyone else for their own personal gain, and once they're above you and have nothing to gain from you, you're worthless and thus nonexistent.
Money - What is it with people owing you money and flat out LYING to you about when and how they're going to pay you back? Whenever I owe someone money (rare moments) I make it a priority to get them their money back, because I acknowledge the favor that was done for me. Apparently no one else I know is like this, because everyone I've loaned money to the last couple months has done nothing but toy with me in getting it back to me. On another financial note, what is it with buying something, and then THREE months later it getting billed to you? For my mom's birthday I got her a subscription to People Magazine (March). It was JUST billed to me YESTERDAY. Yes, I noticed that it hadn't been billed. But the timing couldn't have been more inconvenient. My Bonnaroo fund of $300 was initially tapped to buy Guitar Hero, in full anticipation of getting a $200 check from my friend. That unnamed friend is the same one who was broke for Coachella, and who I loaned over $300 to. Now, I'm finding myself broke for Bonnaroo, because my Bonnaroo fund has now dipped down to $45 thanks to People Magazine.
Honesty - Is anyone/can anyone be honest anymore? Enough said.
Looking at it, it looks like I have a little more reasoning to be upset than I do happy, and it mostly has to do with money. And it mostly has to do with getting fucked over by your friend that you worked so hard to help out. Where is karma when you need it? Pretty much all of my respect for him has vanished.