To Mollari, upon his return

[citizengkar]

Londo's quarters are obnoxious. I hate them. His portrait stares down at me, those regal, steely eyes, no depth, no dimension, just floating and judging from his heavy gilded frame. I despise the portrait

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[vir_cotto_tm]

After years, one becomes accustomed to certain routines- to traveling certain paths. As so it is that a restless Vir- after sending messages to security, Anna Sheridan and Legate Damar and getting dressed for the coming day- finds himself standing before the entryway to Londo's quarters. His feet have carried him here by unconscious habit alone.

"Quarters Sealed by Order of Babylon 5 Security." Vir swallows hard and touches the placard lightly with his fingers. Then his hand wanders over the access control. Unexpectedly, the door swishes open and Vir jumps in surprise.

Stepping tentatively into the room, he calls out:

Hello? Is someone here?

[citizengkar]

G'Kar is still sitting at Londo's desk, alone in the dark. He's lit a candle, one he obviously brought from his own quarters as Vir doesn't recognize it as Londo's, or even Centauri. G'Kar is holding a pen as if he's writing, but mostly he's just staring out into space.

Yes, Vir, come in.

[vir_cotto_tm]

G'Kar?

Taking a deep breath, Vir walks further into the room, working his hands vaguely. Gently, he asks:

H-how long have you been in here?

For a long moment, there is no response. Sitting down on the couch, Vir picks up a velvet pillow and begins to fiddle nervously with the tassel. His eyes are still adjusting to the candle light, and he's having difficulty reading G'Kar's expression accurately. As is his habit in these situations, Vir looks down at his fidgeting hands and tries to fill the uncomfortable silence with talk.

You know, Mr. Garibaldi and Mr. Allen were asking about you yesterday. They're worried about you.

Vir looks up, his eyes filled with a solemnity and earnestness that makes him look young and old simultaneously.

I-I-I think we all are.

[citizengkar]

I have been here for as long as I have been here, Vir. G'Kar sighs. I have always been here. I have just arrived.

And I do not plan to leave until Mollari's return.

G'Kar sighs again, heavier, an exhausted sound.

Sit, Vir. We'll talk, the way people do in this situation. I assume by now you have heard the message Mollari left for me -- I'm in no position to complain about its publicity, either, so don't look at me as if you're embarrassed for what you've heard. Just tell me what you make of all this. You must have an opinion.

[citizengkar]

I have been here for as long as I have been here, Vir. G'Kar sighs. I have always been here. I have just arrived.

And I do not plan to leave until Mollari's return.

G'Kar sighs again, heavier, an exhausted sound.

Sit, Vir. We'll talk, the way people do in this situation. I assume by now you have heard the message Mollari left for me -- I'm in no position to complain about its publicity, either, so don't look at me as if you're embarrassed for what you've heard. Just tell me what you make of all this. You must have an opinion.

[vir_cotto_tm]

It is Vir's turn to fall silent. He has never, ever expected G'Kar to ask him for his opinion, and for a long moment, he is completely at a loss, his natural deference blocking his thoughts before they reach his lips.

Then an answer comes, quiet and uncertain:

You know, when I was ten seasons, my family traveled to the capital to celebrate the naming of my younger cousin Kiron. Well, while we were there, we visited the market in the central square and I... I lost my family in the crowds. I-I had just stopped for a minute to look at a book that the merchant said had been brought all the way from Earth, but when I turned around... I-I-I couldn't find them anywhere. I wandered around the market calling for them for three hours before I was picked up by a guard and taken back to his post...

Vir closes his eyes. He can still remember sitting in the guard's office terrified and trying not to cry, his hands twisted in his lap. He can still remember the guard himself, who cut a rather frightening figure from a child's perspective-

[citizengkar]

G'Kar scrutinizes Vir.

You are smarter than you appear, do you know that? Or not as stupid as you look, one or the other.

Yes, you are quite right. I do love Mollari. And I may hope for him to be more than he is, but I do not expect it, any more than I expected to love him to begin with. As you can see, one occasionally gets surprised.

And I left him. I swore I would protect him, and instead I left him to go play hero with the Minbari, to show those nubile Human boys what it is to be a warrior, to be a Narn. Turned my back for one second, Vir, and now he is gone.

There are two things I know. The first is that, had I been here protecting him, Mollari would not be gone from us now. The second is that, should he return, I shall never leave his side again.

G'Kar laughs mirthlessly.

I said I would forgive him, Vir. I was too afraid to ask if he would forgive me.

[vir_cotto_tm]

Vir sighs.

It seems we have a few things in common, G'Kar. Ever since... ever since you contacted me on Minbar, I haven't been able to stop thinking that if I had been there...

Vir opens his hands in a helpless gesture.

But... I-I-I think Lady Timov was right when she told me not to let myself get consumed by it. For Londo's sake, I have to keep going.

Then, thoughtfully:

And you know, it's funny: I never expected this either. I was afraid of Londo at first, did you know that?

[citizengkar]

Funny. I wasn't afraid of Londo at all in the beginning of our acquaintance. He was never more than a tool, and a clumsy one. Now --

G'Kar nods.

Now I am afraid for him. And afraid of him, as well. He has no one else to blame for his decisions, no one else to hide behind.

And, quietly.

Dear G'Quon, I pray that he is not already dead.

[vir_cotto_tm]

In a voice filled with passionate, stubborn hope:

He isn't. I know he isn't. He can't be. He's alive and we're going to find him, I swear. We're going to find him and we're going to bring him back.