what do you want?
What I am and what I want to be are two very different things.
Where I am and where I want to be ... same story.
I want to be someone who inspires.
I want to be a poet who writes beautifully tragic poems that speak to the souls of those like minded youths who know they live in a world that holds nothing for them. I want to write clear, perfect memoirs that describe that feeling buried deep in each of us that no one can explain or put into words. I suppose what I want is to save others everywhere from this feeling of lonely despair. So they know, there are other misfit souls out here, taking life day by day, praying for a break or some form of recognition. I kind of envy ignorant bliss. What this world has become, it's too much for me. I've tried to compensate ... the only place I've found refuge is in my friends. God bless them and their love, for saving me and giving me something to live for.
I want to revisit painting and drawing. I miss that outlet of expression.
I feel like I abandoned my true self somewhere along the line and slowly let bits of me go, traded in for hobbies that didn't require me to acknowledge anything relevant or thoughtful. Hobbies that numbed me to my heart and conscience so I didn't have to think or face any real problems.
I lost all motivation because nothing seems important anymore.
I suppose I've been living for instant gratification, just living on little thrills to get me from one day to the next -- and that is where the problem lies.
I'm done with that way of life. From now on everything I do is going to have purpose and point. Everything will contribute a piece of the puzzle to the big picture. Details. I pray I can handle it.
I stopped searching for the deeper meaning a while ago.
I stopped asking my questions because the answers were always ones I didn't want.
Well I'm starting again -- someone has to figure it out. I might die trying but maybe that will bring us one step closer.
What has happened to this era? Why is our generation so misguided? I swear the devil is running rampant. Nothing else can explain these inexplicable events.. bad things happening to good people. It must be.
Where I am and where I want to be ... same story.
I want to be someone who inspires.
I want to be a poet who writes beautifully tragic poems that speak to the souls of those like minded youths who know they live in a world that holds nothing for them. I want to write clear, perfect memoirs that describe that feeling buried deep in each of us that no one can explain or put into words. I suppose what I want is to save others everywhere from this feeling of lonely despair. So they know, there are other misfit souls out here, taking life day by day, praying for a break or some form of recognition. I kind of envy ignorant bliss. What this world has become, it's too much for me. I've tried to compensate ... the only place I've found refuge is in my friends. God bless them and their love, for saving me and giving me something to live for.
I want to revisit painting and drawing. I miss that outlet of expression.
I feel like I abandoned my true self somewhere along the line and slowly let bits of me go, traded in for hobbies that didn't require me to acknowledge anything relevant or thoughtful. Hobbies that numbed me to my heart and conscience so I didn't have to think or face any real problems.
I lost all motivation because nothing seems important anymore.
I suppose I've been living for instant gratification, just living on little thrills to get me from one day to the next -- and that is where the problem lies.
I'm done with that way of life. From now on everything I do is going to have purpose and point. Everything will contribute a piece of the puzzle to the big picture. Details. I pray I can handle it.
I stopped searching for the deeper meaning a while ago.
I stopped asking my questions because the answers were always ones I didn't want.
Well I'm starting again -- someone has to figure it out. I might die trying but maybe that will bring us one step closer.
What has happened to this era? Why is our generation so misguided? I swear the devil is running rampant. Nothing else can explain these inexplicable events.. bad things happening to good people. It must be.