Let it come

[citizen_hugo]

Unlike the other times when I have awoken after a restless sleep, I remember all of what happened yesterday. I can still see the fear shining in Elijah's eyes when I told him what I was going to do to him. I can still see the pain etched on his face as I beat him mercilessly, and yet I do not feel any regret for what I did and that worries some

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[citizen_hugo]

*The action of gently caressing him soothes my mind and relaxes my body for a while. I smile softly and start talking to him. I know that he's still asleep and maybe it's for the best that he can't hear me but I just need to talk to somone.*

Elijah, my Elijah. I'm sorry you have to see that side of me, will you ever be able to forgive me for what I have done to you? No, it's selfish of me for that, I ask too much of you. How can I ever be happy when the only thing I do is hurt people and make myself miserable? Stuck in a loop, stuck in an endless fucking loop that doesn't let me go anywhere. Do you know how much I truly feel for you, Elijah? How much my heart feels for you? How can you. How can you when all I've shown you is grief, all I've given you is pain? And you never will. I'm losing it, Elijah, I can't fight it anymore. If I had the strength I would give you up, let you have a better chance for a good life, but I can't. It hurts too much to even think about losing you. When you wake up Elijah, I won't be myself. Don't try and fight me, I don't want to see you hurt...

*Trailing off to a whisper, I can feel the tears creeping steadily down my cheeks and I wipe them away angrily. He can't see that I've been crying, not so weak like this.*

[subserv_elijah]

*My eyes closed still as I pretend to be alseep, I listen to him talk, cry... mutteinrg on about feeling sorry for everything that's happened, and how he really doesn't mean it, and for a moment, I almost want to cry myself and comfort him. But I'm afraid to - afraid that he might take that as complete forgivenness, and that surely isn't what that will be. A sob escapes me as I try to remain quiet, and I know he realizes I'm awake now. But then he talks about not being himself, and that I shouldn't fight him, and I shudder inside. I can't put up with much more. I'm going to crack if I'm forced to, so I con't say what my reaction is likely to be, either, even if I force myself to endure. What hurts the worst, though, is hearing him say that he can't, he wont, give me up... because it gives me only two options now. Escape here somehow... or die here.*

[citizen_hugo]

*I hear a sob below me and fall silent, the hand stroking his hair stilling. Oh god, he heard everything. He - he was meant to be asleep! How dare he wake up now, to see me in this state? Annoyed, I sit up stifly, wiping the back of my hand across my eyes.*

You're awake.

[subserv_elijah]

*I become deathly still when his hand stops and I hear him sit right up on the bed. The tone of his voice cuts through me, chilling my heart. I don't even know what I could have done wrong already, but I sense that I'm already in trouble. Forcing my breathing to quiet, I stay curled in my painful ball, because I cant get up anyway for the leash tied to the bedframe anyway, and I wait.*

[citizen_hugo]

*Sighing deeply I take the leesh off the bedpost and yank it towards me, dragging him over sliding between my knees. I don't wait for him to sit up, just tug him up so I don't have to reach down to idly stroke his hair again.*

Pet, will I have to hurt you today?

[subserv_elijah]

*I scramble over to him when he unties the leash and pulls me over, wincing as my stiff muscles and scabbed-over skin complain from the abrupt movement.*

No...

*I shake my head quickly in response, without even thinking about his question. I just don't want to hurt anymore. I look up at him with pleading eyes now and speak in a whisper*

May I please... may I bathe? Please? Sir?

*I feel so terrible right now, between the blood I can feel stuck to me, and the soreness of my body... a warm bath would probably help me some, but I doubt he'll let me.*

[citizen_hugo]

*Looking over his dirty body, an idea comes to me.*

Of course you can my dear pet! A warm bath sounds like an excellent idea, I could sure use one myself.

[subserv_elijah]

*I sigh dejectedly, already realizing what he's got in mind, but right about now, I dont think I care. I just want to be clean, want all the blood off me, and so I nod and start to get myself to my feet, as much as it hurts.*

[citizen_hugo]

*Getting to my feet I lead the way to the bathroom, making sure he walks behind me. Shutting the door behind us I let go of the leesh and sit on the closed toilet lid, waiting for him to get the bath ready for us.*

[subserv_elijah]

*without so much as a noise, I follow him into the bathroom and automatically start drawing a hot bath. I know what I'm supposed to do... and I would learn it all, if it weren't for... I sigh and watch, dazed, as the water fills the tub, checking for temperature every few minutes, kneeling painfully by the tub, knowing that he's behind me and waiting for me to finish. I don't expect that I'm going to get to soak my aching muscles in this bath, either, but I guess if it satisfies him long enough to keep him from beating on me a while, then it's still worth the effort. When the bath has filled and is steaming, I get up and step away so he can undress and get into the water.*

[citizen_hugo]

*I don't say anything as I watch him get the bath ready, content on just watching his body shift beneath the clothes he's wearing. I haven't been able to hold that body close to me for a while, due to all the anger I've felt, but now I have the chance. When he steps away, I undress, dumping my clothes in the laundry basket before climbing into the tub and gradually easing myself into the hot water. Shifting back so I'm flat against the back of the tub, I spread my legs and open my arms to him.*

Get in pet.

[subserv_elijah]

*Quietly, I do as I'm told. I strip myself of all my clothing, then step into the tub, not caring that I'll have to lie against him. Not caring about anything other than sinking into the hot water. It stings my back when I do, and I hiss a bit, but eventually I do get in, and lean back against his chest. After a few moments of soaking, it's plainly obvious that all the blood on my back and thighs and... other places... is beginning to lift off, as the water begins to turn slightly off-color from it.*

[citizen_hugo]

*It's nice to be able to hold him again, even if he is covered in blood and I wrap my arms around him, kissing his neck when it is bared to me. When he has settled down I take the washcloth and start scrubbing his chest clean, running my hand over the pale skin after it.*

[subserv_elijah]

*OK, so far this isn't too bad. I let myself relax as he scrubs me with the cloth. It kind of feels good, acually, and so I sigh deeply and try to let my stress dissipate. I'll wash him too, I suppose, if thats what he wants again. There. I'm not being difficult. I just can't deal when everything leads to pain. But for now I try not to think about that, and try to concentrate on the bath, and what he wants me to do next.*

[citizen_hugo]

*feeling him relax beneath my hands, I slip one down behind him and rub gently at the small of his back, slowly working lower. I continue cleaning his chest, taking extra time to brush the cloth over his nipples and working up his neck, tilting his head back.*

[subserv_elijah]

*Everything feels nice, and even the sting from the cuts and bruising on my back has died down. I relax enough to let youmove me the way you want me, forgetting for a few moments that you're really unpredictable. I really do want to give you the benefit of the doubt. We'll see this time. I let myself strech out across you as you call for it.*