Where Is Everybody?
WHERE (THE FUCK) IS EVERYBODY?
Today I was stopping by an AM/PM to purchase some gasoline and pumping gas into a car at the adjacent pump was an ex-grrrlfriend of mine. She looked sooooo good. I got her new number and split because I was in a rush to get to an appointment. So, I called her a few minutes ago and we spoke briefly about the three or four months that have passed since we were together, or whatever you want to call the oddity of the relationship we had. It was one that lasted a mere three or four weeks. She wasn't all that interested in a relationship at the time and I was (still) so, after a few weeks of, er, 'fun', we went our seperate ways. Well, actually, one day I just sorta disappeared. As I do sometimes when I tire of something and don't want to deal with it anymore. I am not especially good at ensuring closure or resolve but hey, what can ya do? I mean, it wasn't as though I was afraid or didn't have the nerve to breakup with her as apose to my disappearing act. It is just, well, she made it clear she didn't want to really have a "boyfriend" so, I just left and didn't return phone calls or emails. Not that she was bombarding me with attempted contacts, she tried for maybe two or three days. Anyways, I vanished and just re-emerged into her conciousness today. So, she just got done telling me (on the telephone) that she is staying at her "boyfriends" house tonight. I asked her about her boy-toy and she told me that she got tired of waiting for me, so when she met someone else, she hooked up with him. What the fuck is that shit?! I mean, I WANTED to start an exclusive relationship with her, I thought she was really fucking great but she made it really fucking clear that she didn't want anything like that any time soon. Then a mere few months later and she has a damn boyfriend?! What the fuck man. Not just that but she says that she "got tired of waiting for" me? Is that like some sort of jab at me? If so it fucking worked! Damn! Oh well, what can I do? I just wish I had a girlfriend. I hate my lonliness. I want someone to love and to love me. I am not good enough to have a girlfriend though. Shit, I have absolutely nothing to offer the opposite of sex. I am nothing. Fuck it, I will be a basket case, manic, shut-in and be alone for the rest of my life. Which I expect to only last another two, maybe three years and then... bang! The final dirt nap. Gotta go.
NO FUTURE! The end of hope is coming!