You can't take back what you never said
My mind keep jumping around. one thing ot the next. So please bear with me. I jsut need ot get this out.. of of my chest so to speak.
My grandmother has been a bit over the top towards me and my mother for some time now. She is losing her girp on our lives and we dont NEED her to do all of these things she feels we need done. One could say it is her age. Another could say the stress of having her youngest son and his family living with her for the past oh gosh.. three years now. A son who has had numerous back surgeries that never quite worked out and is a bitter man that is in pain all of the time.
Excuses aside. When i began a relationship with someone that sounded like a potential mate.. her wheels began to turn. Much faster than mine did. And just short of three weeks she was talking to my mother about my wedding and how it should be denim in the garden themed. She is convinced that she would have to pay for everything so she cant take a holiday for herself. Another thing to hold over us. Just like that time when my mom was 6 and didnt want to wear matching outfit with her. IMagine that a 6 year old not wanting to wear the exact same thing as her mom. Hmm and she brings this up over 45 years later Why??? Because she doesnt let anything go. My mom said in her teenage years that she hated her. Yep you guessed it.. still brings it up today.
I just had my moment to loom over for ages. That coversation she had with my mom. I could see the look on her face and leaned over and said stop talking abtou it.. we havent even been together a month. Let it go.
Her interpretation is I told her "Keep your fucking ass out of my business". Hmm "let it go" somehow becomes a rude remark that i would never say to her EVER.
I didnt want her planning this all out. Making it hers. Although the one she was planning was what i had thought about the first time around with the country boy - the whole jeans, boots vest and a bolo tie thing. No. That is not what i want, or wanted. it was a compromise to be what he liked and what i could live with in the ceremony. It never happened. And it won't happen this time either.
That is not who i am nor is it who he is. He is more traditional. His nice slacks are not cotton twill dockers - nothing wrong with that.. but you know what i mean. I do want that silly white dress that you only wear once. It is what you do.
But back to the grandma. I called her. I have my paper here with the notes to stay on track with. The message was going to be I dont feel comfortable having my daughter there right now. But she picked up the phone in mid sentence. Which led to her interpretation of a conversation i never had. Yes I told her to stop talkign abtou a wedding, but not in the manner she has spun it out to be. She is clinging to the I cussed at her and was disrespectful. The very next day she picked up my daughter from school. My mother and i went to pick her up and grandma never once looked at me. Nor did she speak to me. Which is why imade the call today. Tomorrow was her day to pick her up. But.. the conversation. So i tell her i dont want her to be around that. Well that is why i called the other day to ask. Because i figured you would decied i should be near her or somehting liek that. I stated that until we can discuss this and move forward that no i dont feel comfortable having her over there with her. Because she is more perceptive than we think. That she can tell by looking at me that I am not feeling well.
The last retort was You better not be saying nasty things about me to her. I said We would never do that. GOOD. click.....
I go to my mom. tell her what occured. She said well that day you were overly angry with her. But you never cussed. Well taht part we both remember. I was angry. I didnt cuss. But.. overly angry. That i dont remember. I know that for the past couple of weeks she has been more unbearable and as for me I was having health issues that i chose not to discuss with anyone abotu at the time so that has a bit to do with my emotional state i am sure.
She has decided that working from home is the same as un employeed. Hmm funny cuz i have money in the bank.. and havent asked for a dime. My mother left the job that sucked the life out of her.. and again hasnt asked her for a dime. This goes back to the control thing. She is not in control of us, our actions, our lives. And she is angry. Because her life has gotten so out of control that she is holding a death grip on the one which is not hers.
If you look back to interpret things.. it has always been about her. She wore a floor length BRIGHT orange dress to my mothers wedding. At the time it could have been chalked up as the 70's. But in hindsight.. a mother of the bride wearing BRIGHT orange is a Look at me look at me move on her part. When things didnt work out for them her response was well i told you so and you never listened to me.
There is one word that i would call her, that sounds like.. one sylable.. a stitch. Yes.. but hey not even here did i call her that.
So now. she is angry wont talk to me, because she chooses to think i cursed at her and not believe me saying i just didnt want you discussing a wedding when one has not been discussed by the people that would be marrying each other... No no... It is me being rude and cursing at her.. Evil and keeping her great grand daughter away from her. Because I am eeeevilll like the fru-its of the devvvillll.
See that trying to make a joke out of it.. i must be feeling better. What to tell my girl about this situation. Well Honey, she is very angry right now, and until she can relax and not be so angry and talk to me abotu it. Well then I dont feel comfortable having you go over there.
Hmm we will see how it goes. I am leanign towards she is going to throw away all of my daughters toys that are there. Cancel the subscriptions and memberships and things. But that is mere speculation. She would have to be rational for any of these things to occur and.. from her actions she is not.
Well that about sums it up. dont know what to do. except live my own life and if she chooses to calm down. and speak to be like a rational adult. Well when the time comes we will see.
My grandmother has been a bit over the top towards me and my mother for some time now. She is losing her girp on our lives and we dont NEED her to do all of these things she feels we need done. One could say it is her age. Another could say the stress of having her youngest son and his family living with her for the past oh gosh.. three years now. A son who has had numerous back surgeries that never quite worked out and is a bitter man that is in pain all of the time.
Excuses aside. When i began a relationship with someone that sounded like a potential mate.. her wheels began to turn. Much faster than mine did. And just short of three weeks she was talking to my mother about my wedding and how it should be denim in the garden themed. She is convinced that she would have to pay for everything so she cant take a holiday for herself. Another thing to hold over us. Just like that time when my mom was 6 and didnt want to wear matching outfit with her. IMagine that a 6 year old not wanting to wear the exact same thing as her mom. Hmm and she brings this up over 45 years later Why??? Because she doesnt let anything go. My mom said in her teenage years that she hated her. Yep you guessed it.. still brings it up today.
I just had my moment to loom over for ages. That coversation she had with my mom. I could see the look on her face and leaned over and said stop talking abtou it.. we havent even been together a month. Let it go.
Her interpretation is I told her "Keep your fucking ass out of my business". Hmm "let it go" somehow becomes a rude remark that i would never say to her EVER.
I didnt want her planning this all out. Making it hers. Although the one she was planning was what i had thought about the first time around with the country boy - the whole jeans, boots vest and a bolo tie thing. No. That is not what i want, or wanted. it was a compromise to be what he liked and what i could live with in the ceremony. It never happened. And it won't happen this time either.
That is not who i am nor is it who he is. He is more traditional. His nice slacks are not cotton twill dockers - nothing wrong with that.. but you know what i mean. I do want that silly white dress that you only wear once. It is what you do.
But back to the grandma. I called her. I have my paper here with the notes to stay on track with. The message was going to be I dont feel comfortable having my daughter there right now. But she picked up the phone in mid sentence. Which led to her interpretation of a conversation i never had. Yes I told her to stop talkign abtou a wedding, but not in the manner she has spun it out to be. She is clinging to the I cussed at her and was disrespectful. The very next day she picked up my daughter from school. My mother and i went to pick her up and grandma never once looked at me. Nor did she speak to me. Which is why imade the call today. Tomorrow was her day to pick her up. But.. the conversation. So i tell her i dont want her to be around that. Well that is why i called the other day to ask. Because i figured you would decied i should be near her or somehting liek that. I stated that until we can discuss this and move forward that no i dont feel comfortable having her over there with her. Because she is more perceptive than we think. That she can tell by looking at me that I am not feeling well.
The last retort was You better not be saying nasty things about me to her. I said We would never do that. GOOD. click.....
I go to my mom. tell her what occured. She said well that day you were overly angry with her. But you never cussed. Well taht part we both remember. I was angry. I didnt cuss. But.. overly angry. That i dont remember. I know that for the past couple of weeks she has been more unbearable and as for me I was having health issues that i chose not to discuss with anyone abotu at the time so that has a bit to do with my emotional state i am sure.
She has decided that working from home is the same as un employeed. Hmm funny cuz i have money in the bank.. and havent asked for a dime. My mother left the job that sucked the life out of her.. and again hasnt asked her for a dime. This goes back to the control thing. She is not in control of us, our actions, our lives. And she is angry. Because her life has gotten so out of control that she is holding a death grip on the one which is not hers.
If you look back to interpret things.. it has always been about her. She wore a floor length BRIGHT orange dress to my mothers wedding. At the time it could have been chalked up as the 70's. But in hindsight.. a mother of the bride wearing BRIGHT orange is a Look at me look at me move on her part. When things didnt work out for them her response was well i told you so and you never listened to me.
There is one word that i would call her, that sounds like.. one sylable.. a stitch. Yes.. but hey not even here did i call her that.
So now. she is angry wont talk to me, because she chooses to think i cursed at her and not believe me saying i just didnt want you discussing a wedding when one has not been discussed by the people that would be marrying each other... No no... It is me being rude and cursing at her.. Evil and keeping her great grand daughter away from her. Because I am eeeevilll like the fru-its of the devvvillll.
See that trying to make a joke out of it.. i must be feeling better. What to tell my girl about this situation. Well Honey, she is very angry right now, and until she can relax and not be so angry and talk to me abotu it. Well then I dont feel comfortable having you go over there.
Hmm we will see how it goes. I am leanign towards she is going to throw away all of my daughters toys that are there. Cancel the subscriptions and memberships and things. But that is mere speculation. She would have to be rational for any of these things to occur and.. from her actions she is not.
Well that about sums it up. dont know what to do. except live my own life and if she chooses to calm down. and speak to be like a rational adult. Well when the time comes we will see.