Triggers and BDSM
I am sometimes profoundly uncomfortable with specific relationships dynamics within the BDSM scene, even though I am a domme and think that YKIOK is vital and part of The Rules. I never thought that it was particularly hard to grasp that people can be triggered by things that happen in BDSM, in fact, I'd find it kind of "Eh?" if I met someone who insists this can't be the case, given the nature of BDSM, even within SSC limits. Of course there are people who think that BDSM is icky in general and people need to be careful around it, but I am not sure that I don't prefer those guys to the mainstream wannakinksters who accept everything and don't bother stopping to think about consent and other pesky things that really, really matter in BDSM but rarely seems to be addressed in vanilla relationships, or at least not enough, IMO.
I personally don't have any triggers that are BDSM-related, but some things do get my hackles up, make me profoundly uncomfortable and borderline aggressive. When I see a male dom dragging around his female sub by her hair, slapping her, making her crawl, undressing her, calling her his bitch and other kind of degrading language, etc., etc., I am chilled to the bone - yes, even if we're in a dungeon, yes, even if it's a play party, yes, even if I've seen the two arriving together, obviously both happy to be there, yes, even if I see the two being loving during aftercare.
And I'm lucky because I've never actually been in a similar situation, albeit in an abusive context, IRL, in contrast to many women who have, even women who are also at that play party. I admire their ability to get what I can't make myself realise - that this is play. Maybe it is because I'm not a female sub, but seeing things like these makes me loathe, loathe the male dom in question initially, afloat in wave of repulsion and How DARE he, that fucking bastard, before I calm myself down. Given the fact that I have seen many people in relationships that involved emotional abuse, it's curious that I have such a problem with specifically physical abuse, but it's still hard for me. Given the fact that most play parties are populated by a majority of M/f couples, I'm not generally very happy there.
So, I'm into BDSM, I love and enjoy and treasure most of this, I get most of this, and there are still things that piss me the fuck off, and I don't have triggers. Given the fact that many, many practices in BDSM involve and specifically invoke situations and actions that would be considered violent and abusive in a non-play context I don't understand how people can not get that people not into BDSM who have been in similar situations can find fault with that, especially given the fact that BDSM can mean so very many things.
It's funny how most people get that POC might not to be comfortable with colonial-themed slave play involving a white male dom and a POC female sub, but not that in general, there are many people who are uncomfortable with aspects of BDSM that are more pervasive and "mainstream", like emotional abuse, using stereotypically female roles and femininity to degrade people, and that entire pervasive mainstream notion that most women are submissive, and that if women are dominant, they're doing so to sexually service their men.
If I hadn't discovered kink early enough I'd be probably as pissed off, given how media portrays women in BDSM, dominant or not. Ah, let's face it, dominant women barely even exist in the media.
There are so very many reasons to be pissed off with mainstream kink (and fandom BDSM seems to be mainstream kink, really) alone that I'd get if someone asked for an LJcut because otherwise they'd feel the need to go and strangle someone, and triggers are so much more serious and on a completely different level, but seeing as how BDSM toys with things that would be considered abusive in a non-play setting, how is it hard to understand that these might be triggering?
I personally don't have any triggers that are BDSM-related, but some things do get my hackles up, make me profoundly uncomfortable and borderline aggressive. When I see a male dom dragging around his female sub by her hair, slapping her, making her crawl, undressing her, calling her his bitch and other kind of degrading language, etc., etc., I am chilled to the bone - yes, even if we're in a dungeon, yes, even if it's a play party, yes, even if I've seen the two arriving together, obviously both happy to be there, yes, even if I see the two being loving during aftercare.
And I'm lucky because I've never actually been in a similar situation, albeit in an abusive context, IRL, in contrast to many women who have, even women who are also at that play party. I admire their ability to get what I can't make myself realise - that this is play. Maybe it is because I'm not a female sub, but seeing things like these makes me loathe, loathe the male dom in question initially, afloat in wave of repulsion and How DARE he, that fucking bastard, before I calm myself down. Given the fact that I have seen many people in relationships that involved emotional abuse, it's curious that I have such a problem with specifically physical abuse, but it's still hard for me. Given the fact that most play parties are populated by a majority of M/f couples, I'm not generally very happy there.
So, I'm into BDSM, I love and enjoy and treasure most of this, I get most of this, and there are still things that piss me the fuck off, and I don't have triggers. Given the fact that many, many practices in BDSM involve and specifically invoke situations and actions that would be considered violent and abusive in a non-play context I don't understand how people can not get that people not into BDSM who have been in similar situations can find fault with that, especially given the fact that BDSM can mean so very many things.
It's funny how most people get that POC might not to be comfortable with colonial-themed slave play involving a white male dom and a POC female sub, but not that in general, there are many people who are uncomfortable with aspects of BDSM that are more pervasive and "mainstream", like emotional abuse, using stereotypically female roles and femininity to degrade people, and that entire pervasive mainstream notion that most women are submissive, and that if women are dominant, they're doing so to sexually service their men.
If I hadn't discovered kink early enough I'd be probably as pissed off, given how media portrays women in BDSM, dominant or not. Ah, let's face it, dominant women barely even exist in the media.
There are so very many reasons to be pissed off with mainstream kink (and fandom BDSM seems to be mainstream kink, really) alone that I'd get if someone asked for an LJcut because otherwise they'd feel the need to go and strangle someone, and triggers are so much more serious and on a completely different level, but seeing as how BDSM toys with things that would be considered abusive in a non-play setting, how is it hard to understand that these might be triggering?