REVIEWS FOR APRIL 13, 2009
Okay, let’s review stuff today.
Today we got the Wonder Woman animated movie, Teen Titans Annual 2009, Batman: Battle for the Cowl #2, Seaguy: Slaves of Mickey Eye #1, and Doctor Doom and the Masters of Evil #3.
WONDER WOMAN MOVIE.
Skinny Etta Candy? Seriously? What is wrong with you, people! The Inquisition killed people for lesser blasphemies! Etta can be normal fat. Etta can be morbidly obese. But Etta Candy cannot, should not, be anything less than pleasantly plump. You, sirs, have committed a grave sin against Ettacandiness. But why make her skinny? They thought a fat woman wouldn’t flirt with Steve Trevor? Or that it would just look weird? Well, that was not very enlightened for a movie with a message about equality.
Other than that I’m not sure what to think of this movie. Yes, it’s a by the numbers Wonder Woman story. Ares has a vaguely detailed plan to gain something or other, Wonder Woman punches him and then we all learn something about peace and gender equality. Hooray. It’s not a bad movie, but it’s so unambitious that makes me wanna smack it and tell it to go get a haircut and a real job.
The movie is oddly violent but bloodless. Lots of people die but nobody bleeds here. I think Steve Trevor breaks a guy’s neck, which creeps me out. Not comfortable with all that violence in a Wonder woman story.
The oddest part was the subplot of Artemis learning about the magical experience of reading! That felt out of place. Look, Wondy, if I want an episode of Reading Rainbow, I’ll call Geordi Laforge!
Oh no! Go away, Geordi LAforge; nobody called you! I read books, I read books already!
And I don’t blame Artemis; if all I had to read were stuff from Greek Philosophers I would be illiterate too. You may think they were pretty smart, but that’s only because they don’t teach you about Aristotle saying women’s brains are smaller or that vultures had three testicles.
Maybe the movie was not for me because there was nothing there that couldn’t be found in most Wonder Woman comics. Nothing new there for me, just paint by numbers Wondy story. Should I ask for more? I don’t know. It doesn’t do anything all that special to make me forgive its… meh!
TEEN TITANS ANNUAL 2009.
I don’t know why I bother. Everything I have said before still applies. I think the entire universe conspired to make Zachary Zatara and Bunny the smartest ex-Titans. They ran away just in time, because once more the Titan’s Tower is under attack. The place must be cursed! There is probably an old Indian cemetery underneath and under that cemetery there is another cemetery. It’s an infinite pile of Indian cemeteries. Nothing can be that cursed!
Fly away, little bird! Fly for your life! That place is cursed! CURSED!!
Maybe this is just a personal pet peeve of mine, but, as I have mentioned before, I hate it when superheroes just stay at home and get attacked instead of going out and saving people. You know, like superheroes are supposed to do? And here once more the Teen Titans are sitting around being useful to nobody and getting attacked. I can’t remember the last time the Titans left their base. I can’t even remember in which city they live anymore. Are they still in San Francisco? Did they move back to New York? I don’t know! Do they remember what sunlight feels like? Do they know what’s like to mingle with other people? I don’t know! They bunkered so long ago in their stupid building that I forgot.
Why are you guys eating cereal out of lampshades?
At least this time they are not being attacked by an evil version of the Teen Titans. Well, the bad guy is Jericho who used to be a Teen Titans and now is evil… that’s close enough to count! ACK!
BATMAN: BATTLE FOR THE COWL #2
Speaking of not bad but not good, Battle for the Cowl has been mediocre; but not comic book mediocre but fanfic mediocre. There is a sense of amateurishness in this story. Things happen in this story without emotion, surprise or panache… things just happen.
Yay! Squire!
A big telling hint to recognize amateurs is that amateurs haven’t figured out that most stories have already been told and that all that’s new is the dressing. Amateurs don’t work on the dressing, so it ends up looking like a little kid telling you about a movie he saw last night on TV “And and then that happened, but then that happened and and and and then that happened!”
And that’s the problem with Battle for the Cowl; stuff happens but not in any interesting way.
Yay! Darth Vader! no... that's not Darth Vader. :(
SEAGUY: SLAVES OF MICKEY EYE #1
Well… the reviews have been a bit negative today, so let’s talk about nicer books from here on. Seaguy is always barrels of fun. Seaguy is a strange book, not only because it’s written by Grant Morrison and he is a weirdo, but even for Morrison standards this thing is weird… which makes it all better for me.
Seaguy is unique, or at least I don’t remember reading or hearing about something like it. It’s funny, cute, unsettling and terrifying all at the same time. It’s a surreal horror story set in a cartoony clean universe. Imagine David Lynch’s Lost Highway performed by the Muppets.
Yup, like that.
In its way the story is similar to The Prisoner, with the difference that the prisoners here are not aware they are in the Village. Or are they? A long time a go there was a big crossover, the superheroes won and evil was eradicated forever. Or was it? Whatever happened, the entire world now is safe and no longer needs superheroes, who are now treated like they were mental patients and objects of ridicule. The entire world has been dumbed down for everyone to walk around safely so no matter how much of a moron you are, chances are you are not going to end winning a Darwin award. But where does this leave our poor superheroes? Like Seaguy they just wander around looking for an adventure they can’t find.
O Lucky El Loro, you might be Jason Todd to Chubby Da Choona's Dick Grayson, but we still love you.
In the last Seaguy book, the forces of Mickey eye who keep the world as it is captured him, brainwashed him, gave him a new sidekick and put him back in square one. Some people claim this is Morrison commenting about the current state of comics and the constant retcons. I don’t want to read Seaguy as commentary for current comics, not because I disagree with that take but because… darn, that’s just depressing, especially if you reread my third paragraph.
That's a very nice brainbow, Mister Encephalitic Morrison stand-in.
I prefer to read it as Seaguy living through the three stages of maturity really quickly. This is the second series, so that means Seaguy is becoming a teenager, soon he will have hair where he didn’t have any and start thinking about girls differently. Oh, they grow up so quickly. It was only a few years ago he was a child being brainwashed by the incomprehensible evils of his cartoony fascist world.
I don’t think anybody has mentioned this, but I think Seaguy’s pal and sidekick, Chubby Da Choona represents his subconscious or his maturity, or something like that. In the first series Chubby was a child with ADD who couldn’t focus long enough to see the evil lurking in the shadowy corners of his cartoony candyland world, and he got killed for it. Dead of innocence? Oooh, nice. Now Chubby returns wearing a Che Guevara cap. Teenage rebellion? Oh, Chubby you are going to regret buying all those Rage Against the Machine CDs later on. I guess in the third series Chubby will appear wearing a suit, he’ll find a nice Choona girl and settle down.
Shine on, Chubby!
Still, even if one just feels like doing a superficial reading of the book, the whole subplot of what’s really going on in Seaguy’s world is enough to keep the interest. Did evil won and nobody noticed or remembers? Will Seaguy finally reveal his feelings to his beloved She-Beard?
Now that’s a good question. What the heck She-Beard represents?
Anybody has a clue?
DOCTOR DOOM AND THE MASTERS OF EVIL #3
Speaking of fanfics, this comic baffles me. It reads like a fanfic, but a cracky one if there ever was one. I think somebody has taken his own Doctor Doom / Princess Python OTP fanon and somehow convinced Marvel to publish it. Yes, Doctor Doom and Princess Python, you know the only female member of the Circus of Crime, the woman with the giant snake. .. yes, with Doctor Doom.
I haven't touched this at all! This is how it came in the comic. No photoshop!
On one hand this pairing makes no sense, because Doctor Doom is elitist royalty and Princess Python is carnie trash. Doom wouldn’t touch her with a hazmat suit. On the other hand I’m glad something this dumb is getting published. It’s like one of those novels with Fabio on the cover dressed like a pirate. “Gasp! I was a lonely circus artist who had given up on love, until a dashing prince took me in his arms into a life of sensual adventures!” Yes you are, Princess Python, yes you are!
But yes, it’s like reading someone’s fanfic about Doctor Doom trying to conquer the universe with the help of his one true love Princess Python. Now, I’m sure there is a big possibility that Doctor Doom is using Princess Python for his own evil ends and poor PP will return to her criminal circus life with a broken heart.
But wacky pairing is not the only thing going for this comic, the action parts with the Masters of Evil fighting and outwitting space monsters are also fun. Cosmic action romance novel? Why not?
Today we got the Wonder Woman animated movie, Teen Titans Annual 2009, Batman: Battle for the Cowl #2, Seaguy: Slaves of Mickey Eye #1, and Doctor Doom and the Masters of Evil #3.
WONDER WOMAN MOVIE.
Skinny Etta Candy? Seriously? What is wrong with you, people! The Inquisition killed people for lesser blasphemies! Etta can be normal fat. Etta can be morbidly obese. But Etta Candy cannot, should not, be anything less than pleasantly plump. You, sirs, have committed a grave sin against Ettacandiness. But why make her skinny? They thought a fat woman wouldn’t flirt with Steve Trevor? Or that it would just look weird? Well, that was not very enlightened for a movie with a message about equality.
Other than that I’m not sure what to think of this movie. Yes, it’s a by the numbers Wonder Woman story. Ares has a vaguely detailed plan to gain something or other, Wonder Woman punches him and then we all learn something about peace and gender equality. Hooray. It’s not a bad movie, but it’s so unambitious that makes me wanna smack it and tell it to go get a haircut and a real job.
The movie is oddly violent but bloodless. Lots of people die but nobody bleeds here. I think Steve Trevor breaks a guy’s neck, which creeps me out. Not comfortable with all that violence in a Wonder woman story.
The oddest part was the subplot of Artemis learning about the magical experience of reading! That felt out of place. Look, Wondy, if I want an episode of Reading Rainbow, I’ll call Geordi Laforge!
Oh no! Go away, Geordi LAforge; nobody called you! I read books, I read books already!
And I don’t blame Artemis; if all I had to read were stuff from Greek Philosophers I would be illiterate too. You may think they were pretty smart, but that’s only because they don’t teach you about Aristotle saying women’s brains are smaller or that vultures had three testicles.
Maybe the movie was not for me because there was nothing there that couldn’t be found in most Wonder Woman comics. Nothing new there for me, just paint by numbers Wondy story. Should I ask for more? I don’t know. It doesn’t do anything all that special to make me forgive its… meh!
TEEN TITANS ANNUAL 2009.
I don’t know why I bother. Everything I have said before still applies. I think the entire universe conspired to make Zachary Zatara and Bunny the smartest ex-Titans. They ran away just in time, because once more the Titan’s Tower is under attack. The place must be cursed! There is probably an old Indian cemetery underneath and under that cemetery there is another cemetery. It’s an infinite pile of Indian cemeteries. Nothing can be that cursed!
Fly away, little bird! Fly for your life! That place is cursed! CURSED!!
Maybe this is just a personal pet peeve of mine, but, as I have mentioned before, I hate it when superheroes just stay at home and get attacked instead of going out and saving people. You know, like superheroes are supposed to do? And here once more the Teen Titans are sitting around being useful to nobody and getting attacked. I can’t remember the last time the Titans left their base. I can’t even remember in which city they live anymore. Are they still in San Francisco? Did they move back to New York? I don’t know! Do they remember what sunlight feels like? Do they know what’s like to mingle with other people? I don’t know! They bunkered so long ago in their stupid building that I forgot.
Why are you guys eating cereal out of lampshades?
At least this time they are not being attacked by an evil version of the Teen Titans. Well, the bad guy is Jericho who used to be a Teen Titans and now is evil… that’s close enough to count! ACK!
BATMAN: BATTLE FOR THE COWL #2
Speaking of not bad but not good, Battle for the Cowl has been mediocre; but not comic book mediocre but fanfic mediocre. There is a sense of amateurishness in this story. Things happen in this story without emotion, surprise or panache… things just happen.
Yay! Squire!
A big telling hint to recognize amateurs is that amateurs haven’t figured out that most stories have already been told and that all that’s new is the dressing. Amateurs don’t work on the dressing, so it ends up looking like a little kid telling you about a movie he saw last night on TV “And and then that happened, but then that happened and and and and then that happened!”
And that’s the problem with Battle for the Cowl; stuff happens but not in any interesting way.
Yay! Darth Vader! no... that's not Darth Vader. :(
SEAGUY: SLAVES OF MICKEY EYE #1
Well… the reviews have been a bit negative today, so let’s talk about nicer books from here on. Seaguy is always barrels of fun. Seaguy is a strange book, not only because it’s written by Grant Morrison and he is a weirdo, but even for Morrison standards this thing is weird… which makes it all better for me.
Seaguy is unique, or at least I don’t remember reading or hearing about something like it. It’s funny, cute, unsettling and terrifying all at the same time. It’s a surreal horror story set in a cartoony clean universe. Imagine David Lynch’s Lost Highway performed by the Muppets.
Yup, like that.
In its way the story is similar to The Prisoner, with the difference that the prisoners here are not aware they are in the Village. Or are they? A long time a go there was a big crossover, the superheroes won and evil was eradicated forever. Or was it? Whatever happened, the entire world now is safe and no longer needs superheroes, who are now treated like they were mental patients and objects of ridicule. The entire world has been dumbed down for everyone to walk around safely so no matter how much of a moron you are, chances are you are not going to end winning a Darwin award. But where does this leave our poor superheroes? Like Seaguy they just wander around looking for an adventure they can’t find.
O Lucky El Loro, you might be Jason Todd to Chubby Da Choona's Dick Grayson, but we still love you.
In the last Seaguy book, the forces of Mickey eye who keep the world as it is captured him, brainwashed him, gave him a new sidekick and put him back in square one. Some people claim this is Morrison commenting about the current state of comics and the constant retcons. I don’t want to read Seaguy as commentary for current comics, not because I disagree with that take but because… darn, that’s just depressing, especially if you reread my third paragraph.
That's a very nice brainbow, Mister Encephalitic Morrison stand-in.
I prefer to read it as Seaguy living through the three stages of maturity really quickly. This is the second series, so that means Seaguy is becoming a teenager, soon he will have hair where he didn’t have any and start thinking about girls differently. Oh, they grow up so quickly. It was only a few years ago he was a child being brainwashed by the incomprehensible evils of his cartoony fascist world.
I don’t think anybody has mentioned this, but I think Seaguy’s pal and sidekick, Chubby Da Choona represents his subconscious or his maturity, or something like that. In the first series Chubby was a child with ADD who couldn’t focus long enough to see the evil lurking in the shadowy corners of his cartoony candyland world, and he got killed for it. Dead of innocence? Oooh, nice. Now Chubby returns wearing a Che Guevara cap. Teenage rebellion? Oh, Chubby you are going to regret buying all those Rage Against the Machine CDs later on. I guess in the third series Chubby will appear wearing a suit, he’ll find a nice Choona girl and settle down.
Shine on, Chubby!
Still, even if one just feels like doing a superficial reading of the book, the whole subplot of what’s really going on in Seaguy’s world is enough to keep the interest. Did evil won and nobody noticed or remembers? Will Seaguy finally reveal his feelings to his beloved She-Beard?
Now that’s a good question. What the heck She-Beard represents?
Anybody has a clue?
DOCTOR DOOM AND THE MASTERS OF EVIL #3
Speaking of fanfics, this comic baffles me. It reads like a fanfic, but a cracky one if there ever was one. I think somebody has taken his own Doctor Doom / Princess Python OTP fanon and somehow convinced Marvel to publish it. Yes, Doctor Doom and Princess Python, you know the only female member of the Circus of Crime, the woman with the giant snake. .. yes, with Doctor Doom.
I haven't touched this at all! This is how it came in the comic. No photoshop!
On one hand this pairing makes no sense, because Doctor Doom is elitist royalty and Princess Python is carnie trash. Doom wouldn’t touch her with a hazmat suit. On the other hand I’m glad something this dumb is getting published. It’s like one of those novels with Fabio on the cover dressed like a pirate. “Gasp! I was a lonely circus artist who had given up on love, until a dashing prince took me in his arms into a life of sensual adventures!” Yes you are, Princess Python, yes you are!
But yes, it’s like reading someone’s fanfic about Doctor Doom trying to conquer the universe with the help of his one true love Princess Python. Now, I’m sure there is a big possibility that Doctor Doom is using Princess Python for his own evil ends and poor PP will return to her criminal circus life with a broken heart.
But wacky pairing is not the only thing going for this comic, the action parts with the Masters of Evil fighting and outwitting space monsters are also fun. Cosmic action romance novel? Why not?