Teen Titans, JLA, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!
These are not really reviews; they are more like just side commentary about Teen Titans and JLA. I don't like to write posts to just complain and complain, and I know I have complained over and over and over and over again about Teen Titans being the cemetery of happiness and JLA just being really pointless. But I can't help it today! I just can't, because the bastards are taunting me! TAUNTING ME! You'll see.
Really, it's like the perfect storm of metacommentary, when both Teen titans and JLA explain why they are sucking so hard right now.
Let's start with Teen Titans. There is a preview of Teen Titans #69 at Newsarama. I haven't read the issue yet, but in those four pages... jeepers!
The good thing is that Zachary Zatara found himself an assistant on the way from the Darkseid Club to Titans Tower. I'm not sure how he got the time for that but it's not my business.
Say hello to Bunny. Hi, Bunny! So far we don't know where she came from, what she can do or even her real name. She hasn't even talked! I'm not even sure why I like Bunny! I just like to think that in the perfect world, Bunny has the power to come out of hats. She can travel through hats. She goes inside a top hat in New York and comes out a bonnet in Thailand. She can enter hat-space, because she is the one, as the prophecy foretold, who will finally bring peace and end the war between the Sombrerolords and the Fezsmiths. She is the chosen one.
Also, I want her to meet Dumb Bunny... I guess that makes her Smart Bunny... or Average Intelligence Bunny.
But never mind Bunny. This is what got my attention:
It's actually funny. I honestly don't know what McKeever was going for with this scene, and I doubt he shares my view; but from where I am standing, Zachary and Bunny just ran out of the Titans Tower because there was a small possibility of joining the Teen Titans. I don't blame him. If the Teen Titans corner me and ask me to join, I'll jump out of a window! I'll fight back and run... anything!
Clock King might still be out there and planning to kill them all, and still Zachary believes he is safer anywhere but in the Teen Titans. "Come on, Bunny! Let's jump naked into that trash bin near the AIDS clinic, it can't be as dangerous as this place!" Zachary has a point. How many times the stupid tower has been attacked? I have never seen the back of the silly tower, but I bet it has a KICK ME sign taped there.
And Zachary gives Kid Devil some good advice. He won't listen because he is a big loser who just wants some kind words he'll never get no matter how well he performs as the resident whipping boy.
And then we got this:
Cassie, please say yes to Torso-guy. Come on, be a dear, I need the laughs. I need the awful, awful slash of you and torso. I need the horrible and soul scarring fan-art! Cassie and Torso, OTP!!!
Torso's panel there is very iconable.
And now JLA #31, which I already read.
I'm not going to say much about Dinah punching Ollie because I think every angle has already been discussed. But, Ollie, it's not your fault... I know you NEVER hear that, but it's not your fault... yes, we are all surprised, but it isn't. Ollie, you can't change her. She will say never again, but she will do it again. It's okay to cry, Ollie. Go on... you can cry. Grab your things, grab the kids... well, the kids are big so just leave them where they are. Go to the nearest Women's shelter and get a restraining order. Trust me, I saw Sleeping with the Enemy... like once, although I went to the bathroom near the end, but I think I know what I'm talking about.
Let's tackle the rest of the issue.
That's... that's Diana, Z. Maybe the hat is a bit too tight today?
Now here comes the important metacommentary part. Look, it's one thing for me to think JLA is a crappy book. There are many books I think can improve a lot in many ways, but at least those books have some pride, some self esteem. They go on pretending they are not crappy. It's one thing to think a book is crappy, it's a whole different thing when the book itself tells you it's crappy. Here is Hal Jordan explaining exactly why I don't like the current JLA book.
Okay, okay! Enough, go get your own blog or LJ if you want to keep reviewing. This one is mine!
But Hal is right! The JLA has always been the DCU's first and last line of defense. The JLA saved the world or the universe every week. Even the Giffen one! But since the new book started? The first story was about Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman sitting around a table looking at the family album. After that it was some boring nonsense with the Legion. And so on and so on. Have they done anything? No! I don't want to blame McDuffie because this is probably not even his fault. Not even McDuffie likes the current JLA. This issue is a cry for help! But we can't help you. You are telling us the book sucks, and we already know that, but we can't help you! Nobody can help you. The book just needs to stop being kidnapped by every event and mini-event that happens elsewhere, but that's not our call.
These are two books with easily detectable problems that can be easily fixed. So why are they crap?
Really, it's like the perfect storm of metacommentary, when both Teen titans and JLA explain why they are sucking so hard right now.
Let's start with Teen Titans. There is a preview of Teen Titans #69 at Newsarama. I haven't read the issue yet, but in those four pages... jeepers!
The good thing is that Zachary Zatara found himself an assistant on the way from the Darkseid Club to Titans Tower. I'm not sure how he got the time for that but it's not my business.
Say hello to Bunny. Hi, Bunny! So far we don't know where she came from, what she can do or even her real name. She hasn't even talked! I'm not even sure why I like Bunny! I just like to think that in the perfect world, Bunny has the power to come out of hats. She can travel through hats. She goes inside a top hat in New York and comes out a bonnet in Thailand. She can enter hat-space, because she is the one, as the prophecy foretold, who will finally bring peace and end the war between the Sombrerolords and the Fezsmiths. She is the chosen one.
Also, I want her to meet Dumb Bunny... I guess that makes her Smart Bunny... or Average Intelligence Bunny.
But never mind Bunny. This is what got my attention:
It's actually funny. I honestly don't know what McKeever was going for with this scene, and I doubt he shares my view; but from where I am standing, Zachary and Bunny just ran out of the Titans Tower because there was a small possibility of joining the Teen Titans. I don't blame him. If the Teen Titans corner me and ask me to join, I'll jump out of a window! I'll fight back and run... anything!
Clock King might still be out there and planning to kill them all, and still Zachary believes he is safer anywhere but in the Teen Titans. "Come on, Bunny! Let's jump naked into that trash bin near the AIDS clinic, it can't be as dangerous as this place!" Zachary has a point. How many times the stupid tower has been attacked? I have never seen the back of the silly tower, but I bet it has a KICK ME sign taped there.
And Zachary gives Kid Devil some good advice. He won't listen because he is a big loser who just wants some kind words he'll never get no matter how well he performs as the resident whipping boy.
And then we got this:
Cassie, please say yes to Torso-guy. Come on, be a dear, I need the laughs. I need the awful, awful slash of you and torso. I need the horrible and soul scarring fan-art! Cassie and Torso, OTP!!!
Torso's panel there is very iconable.
And now JLA #31, which I already read.
I'm not going to say much about Dinah punching Ollie because I think every angle has already been discussed. But, Ollie, it's not your fault... I know you NEVER hear that, but it's not your fault... yes, we are all surprised, but it isn't. Ollie, you can't change her. She will say never again, but she will do it again. It's okay to cry, Ollie. Go on... you can cry. Grab your things, grab the kids... well, the kids are big so just leave them where they are. Go to the nearest Women's shelter and get a restraining order. Trust me, I saw Sleeping with the Enemy... like once, although I went to the bathroom near the end, but I think I know what I'm talking about.
Let's tackle the rest of the issue.
That's... that's Diana, Z. Maybe the hat is a bit too tight today?
Now here comes the important metacommentary part. Look, it's one thing for me to think JLA is a crappy book. There are many books I think can improve a lot in many ways, but at least those books have some pride, some self esteem. They go on pretending they are not crappy. It's one thing to think a book is crappy, it's a whole different thing when the book itself tells you it's crappy. Here is Hal Jordan explaining exactly why I don't like the current JLA book.
Okay, okay! Enough, go get your own blog or LJ if you want to keep reviewing. This one is mine!
But Hal is right! The JLA has always been the DCU's first and last line of defense. The JLA saved the world or the universe every week. Even the Giffen one! But since the new book started? The first story was about Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman sitting around a table looking at the family album. After that it was some boring nonsense with the Legion. And so on and so on. Have they done anything? No! I don't want to blame McDuffie because this is probably not even his fault. Not even McDuffie likes the current JLA. This issue is a cry for help! But we can't help you. You are telling us the book sucks, and we already know that, but we can't help you! Nobody can help you. The book just needs to stop being kidnapped by every event and mini-event that happens elsewhere, but that's not our call.
These are two books with easily detectable problems that can be easily fixed. So why are they crap?